Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

[Deleted User]

I am just re reading posts about christmas and the cost. Our adult children and their spouses are all getting the same per couple ie a planter full of planted bulbs, hm chocolate plums and hop and lavender hm sleep pillows to put into their pillowcases. Christmas used to be ridiculous and we couldn`t bear to see our children overspending on us so we put down the £10 rule a few years ago and somehow christmas became more meaningful. The grandchildren get something costing about £20-25.

Going into january with a pile of debt from christmas is ridiculous. Someone has to be brave and say enough is enough and when I did then everyone breathed a big sigh of relief. Avoiding the stress of stores also helps as you can so easily get sucked into thinking that we need this and that and the other just in case

nuttybabe

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

There was a thread on the Families board yesterday about which kids have TV, computers and game-thingys in their bedrooms and I've never heard of anything like it! Some Mums on there had kids who were only about 11 years old or even younger and had been bought endless amounts of gadgets, mobiles and laptops and quite a few of them thought it was normal and perfectly reasonable. Either I'm stuck in a previous age or part of the world really has gone mad. Thinking about the amounts of money those people had obviously spent )on what I personally belive to be non-essentials) I'm not altogether surprised that they come onto a site like this. Quite a number of them should pop by and join the Old-Stylers and get a sense of proportion.

I know, I couldnt afford to buy that for my kids even if i wanted to which i dont!!! Up the school today they were talking about spending £300 plus on each child. :eek: I dont have that to spend on all 3 of mine. And I feel really proud that the only thing ds1 has actually asked for is a sock monkey. Not a ipod touch thingy or a mobile phone!!!

littleowl

kittie wrote: »

I am just re reading posts about christmas and the cost. Our adult children and their spouses are all getting the same per couple ie a planter full of planted bulbs, hm chocolate plums and hop and lavender hm sleep pillows to put into their pillowcases. Christmas used to be ridiculous and we couldn`t bear to see our children overspending on us so we put down the £10 rule a few years ago and somehow christmas became more meaningful. The grandchildren get something costing about £20-25.

Going into january with a pile of debt from christmas is ridiculous. Someone has to be brave and say enough is enough and when I did then everyone breathed a big sigh of relief. Avoiding the stress of stores also helps as you can so easily get sucked into thinking that we need this and that and the other just in case

I agree kittie - when I suggested years ago only buying presents for the children and putting a cap on the amount, there was great relief all round. I think if people can be brave enough to suggest something similar they might be surprised how welcome other family members will find it. Much of the pressure is imagined and if you break the cycle everybody is better off both financially and socially.
As for children - I reiterate - they are brought up with your own sense of values and it is up to you to instill what is worthwhile - lessons for life I think.

UnderPressure

I must admit we are planning on bying our 9 year old a notebook for Christmas this year, in our defence (if it is lol) she is a very very grown up 9 year old, well when she wants to be and currently makes useful use of the home PC for education etc, she will go of on her own and explore google finding out all sorts of things she has an interest in and to her credit is leaps and bounds ahead in her class.

I have found a great deal online where we can get her a "high street returned" Samsung notepad, they have been back to samsung and had new cases fitted and re-installed and re-boxed so essentially they are new and with a samsung 12 month guarantee for £165 which is a raving bargain really as the exact same model in PC world is just a shade over 300 quid.

I am a very techie person in fact I am about to embark on an IT degree next February but thats another story, the children see me on the laptop or home PC and they naturally become curious and want to use them themselves, I think we live in a different age now and the future for our children does and will all revolve around technology so the quicker they get acquainted with such technology the better really.

I refus to buy anything that has a half eaten apple as a logo and see these "gadgets" as purely a designer accessory such as a Gucci handbag or Armani sunglasses etc ec, they do have MP3/MP4 players that are lightyears ahead of anything apple have launched and for a fraction of the price.

As I said before £300 per child is still a lot of money compared to the 1k per child we used to spend and TBH you dont get much for your brass nowadays do you...........................................

At the end of the day you must spend what you can afford there are much more important things to a child than the latest gadget or a mountain of presents, for instance I tell my 3 every single night without fail at bedtime that I love them sometimes meer words can be a powerful medium

Rosanna79

It 's sad to read of the pressure parents are under these days with their children.

During my h/v days I recall a very hardworking couple who did 2 or 3 jobs apiece to make ends meet and their ungrateful children, one of whom was the young mother. At Christmas I can never forget the girl's mother i.e. the baby's grandmother in floods of tears because she was already up to her eyes in debt trying to pay for all the 'things' this girl and her brother wanted. They told their mother that what she had given them was not good enough and no amount of explanation by the parents, the social worker or myself could get through to them the fact that their mother simply had no access to any more funds to feed their greed.

Also a cousin came to me with her husband distressed at their youngest daughter's greedy behaviour demanding yet more bail outs for financial messes she'd got into. I was surprised that as a childless woman I could offer advice. She said as I worked with families my experience was relevant, and that they'd given their daughter everything.

I said that in my experience this often meant the child had everything but had learned the value of nothing.

It seems to me that present day parenting is possibly harder than at any other time with all the peer pressure etc, to get the balance right. Not sure if otheres would agree but that's tended to be what I've observed.

nomorerack

If the thread is long, that means the topic is interesting and worthwhile, therefore, must not be cut off. Long as there are people who would want to waste their idle time getting free information that are helpful then let's continue burning our idle times haha...

zarazara

I have been reading this with interest. We ,too,only buy for the children in the family and its only a token gift anyway. My problem has never been childrenwanting things, its been other family members who are much,much better off financially than us. My sister, in particular, would want to spend £100's on my kids,having none of her own. It caused no end of bad feeling and rows. Me and my OH said our kids wernt to be spoilt and placed a limit on presents,and the sulks and b*****ng was awful. Lifes just so unfair at times.

Fruball

zarazara wrote: »

I have been reading this with interest. We ,too,only buy for the children in the family and its only a token gift anyway. My problem has never been childrenwanting things, its been other family members who are much,much better off financially than us. My sister, in particular, would want to spend £100's on my kids,having none of her own. It caused no end of bad feeling and rows. Me and my OH said our kids wernt to be spoilt and placed a limit on presents,and the sulks and b*****ng was awful. Lifes just so unfair at times.

If someone really wanted to spend a lot on my children, I would suggest that they bought a smaller gift and put the rest in their savings account for when they need it for Uni/buying a house or car or whatever.

I set a strict budget a few years ago and Christmas is so much less stressful. We have never been huge spenders but ex used to think it was perfectly fine to put everything (christmas or otherwise) on CCs and now has his IVA to prove it.

My girls will have around £60 each spent on them, DS about the same and far less on others that we have to buy for. Most will get HM chutney and whatever else HM stuff I can make between now and then without putting myself under a whole load of pressure.

I've posted before saying I am having my old boiler taken out freeing up my fireplace... Well... believe it or not one of my neighbours was having the same thing done today!!! So I wandered over and asked how much it would be etc... GREAT NEWS!!! He said that to change the pot on the top, remove the old liner, sweep and make good will only be £280!!! He also said that the way these houses/chimneys were designed, I don't need a liner for my woodburner which will save a load of money when I come to have it installed :T

AND he knows reputable people who will install it at less cost than some of the shops here but still provide all the correct certification etc. Obviously I will get a few people out to compare but so far am delighted... Got got to wait for WarmFront to come and change the boiler... I soooo hope its soon but doubt it...

Margaret54

Hi what interesting posts. Lots to read. Our children are all adults now and there are just my dh and I living at home. The two Grandchildren are getting some nice gifts but we are not spending a lot of money. Our adult children are getting some nice gifts too but nothing expensive. This year we have decided to send a donation to a charity which we support, and that is instead of buying Christmas cards and stamps to post them. I have bought some lovely cards from M&S just for my dh, best friend, and my children. One thing that has bugged me for years is that we go to see my sil as it is her birthday c eve and all the family left our cards with her as they knew we would come then and after a few years of that they did not send one. Only the sil bought us a card and posted it. I said this year we will not bother either and donate instead. the cost of postage is wild so we would rather send it to a deserving cause.

Charis

kittie wrote: »

Bear in mind that we had to pay over the odds for this house and the normal cost on pv installation would have been about 12k. You need to do the sums and I for one would think twice about payback time for the panels.

I'm now wondering if my neighbour will live long enough to recoup the cost - and he has no offspring to leave his house to, only cousins.

We have 2 solar panels for hot water and they are most definitely worth getting.

I saw some demonstrated at an eco festival but they would be wasted here as our shower is electric and the washing machine and dishwasher are cold fill only, as is the norm these days. Hand washing water is heated by the boiler for the heating and hot water, which is a real pain to turn off and on, so it's left on. Maybe a little crafty plumbing would be in order, to use the 40° water instead of cold during the winter. It would be too hot in the summer for most washes.

The reason that our energy cost is low is because our house is ultra well insulated and sealed and there is even sheeps wool between the floors and we have triple glazing

Who would believe that the value of a fleece is so low nowadays it's economical to use it as insulation between floors?