Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

kidcat

Well shaping up to be a NSD today as still got DD4 off school, and DS6 got up this morning with a raging temp and cold so kept him off too. Then got call to collect DS12 from school as he is generally unwell. Have run out of bread as couldnt get out to shops at weekend. Have achieved very little as minute I leave the room the littlies are arguing and as they are not well that results in tears.
No idea how I am going to fit everything in this week, got two more college open days, a parents evening and a school meeting to add into a week with a poorly car and now three sick kids too.
Had shock this morning as mum has been to see her GP as she has had ear trouble for a few days, Doc says she has lost her hearing almost completely. NO answers why or warning, its just gone. She is difficult to manage ordinarily so with no hearing she will be considerably worse. She will mis hear something and take umbrage for weeks until she forgets - and we will be none the wiser what she thought she had heard. Bad enough when her hearing was there but with little to no hearing it will be unbearable, dad looked suicidal when he told me.

Think my immersion heater must be stuck on, because yesterday we used 48 units of electricity - instead of the 21 units thats normal. Thankfully as I am monitoring the electricity I spotted it immediately this morning and was able to pull its fuse.

sammy_kaye18

Well thats my plans stuffed.

Was meant to be going out tonight but now have to wait in to take delivery of the new TV and DS that I won.

The lady on the phone said they have had lots of orders for the kinect and XBOX360 so it should be sent asap but it may turn up tonight with the tv and ds if they have it available in stock.

Am meant to wait on a phone call about my cheque though but not had it yet today. Hope they call soon and not when I'm on the school run!

kidcat

Thats a nice reason to have to change your plans for the evening though Sammy.

Primrose

dollydaydream07 wrote: »

have just totted up my spending for last week and we have spent around £200 - about £85 on 2 big pressies for DD and a few small bits for a hamper for my sister, a new xmas tree and the rest on food!!!!!!!!
its £200 we couldn't really afford and £78 of that went on the credit card

Dollydaydream - I feel really concerned when I read posts like this because I fear that many other people are being driven into inccurring debts to fund Christmas presents that are desirable but not essential. I know it's a huge temptation to feel you have to "deliver for your children and relatives" at Christmas but with government cuts in the pipe line and lots of job losses being forecast, I wonder why people still find it difficult to be honest about their finances and allow themselves to be emotionally blackmailed into keeping up with the herd when they can't afford it.

One year after my OH had been made redundant, I looked at our finances and decided that we simply wouldn't do ANY Christmas presents that year. and I simply told all our family that I was sorry, but that's how it was. as there's way no way we were going to debt into debt just to fund Christmas presents. Everybody understood apart from one relative who was a bit huffy about it, but as her Christmas spending was enough to keep Barclaycard in business for a year, I wasn't too upset about that. It did allow us to face January with a clean financial slate and stay debt clean until my OH was in employment again and I don't think I would have enjoyed Christmas anyway had I'd known we'd been spending money we didn't have.

NualaBuala

(((((Hippeechiq))))) You've had such a rough time, I really hope things get better for you and your daughter soon.

Rummer - congrats, wonderful to have another ray of hope on the thread!

Primrose, I agree. In the past, I told people I couldn't afford to do pressies and they were delighted. If someone had a problem with it, I'd be questioning whether I really wanted them on a gift list at all. I don't like giving pressies out of obligation where it becomes a sort of contract that I give to you and you must give to me and lets aim for equal value. I really do like giving when I spot something that I am able to afford and I know someone will be really glad of it. So I'm moving towards random pressie giving and not doing birthdays or Christmas. It means the person doesn't feel obliged to reciprocate (hopefully) and I stay within budget and don't get stressed trying to find pressies just for the sake of it. I think it's working ok and I have been treated to tea and cake etc as thank yous which I always enjoy.

UnderPressure

Primrose wrote: »

Dollydaydream - I feel really concerned when I read posts like this because I fear that many other people are being driven into inccurring debts to fund Christmas presents that are desirable but not essential. I know it's a huge temptation to feel you have to "deliver for your children and relatives" at Christmas but with government cuts in the pipe line and lots of job losses being forecast, I wonder why people still find it difficult to be honest about their finances and allow themselves to be emotionally blackmailed into keeping up with the herd when they can't afford it.

One year after my OH had been made redundant, I looked at our finances and decided that we simply wouldn't do ANY Christmas presents that year. and I simply told all our family that I was sorry, but that's how it was. as there's way no way we were going to debt into debt just to fund Christmas presents. Everybody understood apart from one relative who was a bit huffy about it, but as her Christmas spending was enough to keep Barclaycard in business for a year, I wasn't too upset about that. It did allow us to face January with a clean financial slate and stay debt clean until my OH was in employment again and I don't think I would have enjoyed Christmas anyway had I'd known we'd been spending money we didn't have.

Although I agree with your sentiments completely and indeed would even say well done on the decision you took, it is a little different when you have little ones, sadly a 3,7 and 9 year old isn't too interested in Santa being skint nor would they be open to the idea of a Christmas with no presents...............................

I do think it is important though and agree with you completely that people really need to look at their own financial situations and spend accordingly, we are usually guilty of spoling our children rotten and take it from me it does no good, it may make you think you are giving them the very best of everything but in reality they generally appreciate none of it, this is my experience and we have had murders over the last couple of years with our oldest 2, not demanding things but just general attitude and they way they speak to us and deal with each other, spoilt brats come to mind!!!

This year is the start of a whole new theme for us, yes we to have hit the buffers over the last 2 years in a big way, more debt and ccj's and bailiffs than you could shake a stick at all through trying to make something of ourselves and our business failing miserably 2 years ago Life simply cannot and will not continue the way it was simple as!

I have limited my 3 to £300 each this year, this is still a lot of money but compared to around 1k each on previous years it is also a lesson all 3 of them need to learn, we are concentrating this year on things they really want rather than things we think they will like and generally never do, I had a heartbreaking moment a few weeks ago when it was time to clear out the garden shed, it was packed to the roof with toys and bikes and go carts and all sorts of stuff, you know about 70% of it had NEVER been played with and was not resaleable because we could not accomodate any of it in the house due to their bedrooms being full to bursting point as well, it took me 6 tip runs in my volvo estate with a trailer to empty the dam thing, the money that went to the tip that day was truly heartbraking

LESSON LEARNT! Well and truly spoling them does them no favours take it from me you WILL end up with a spoilt brat that is more likely to get into debt themselves when they are older.

I have learnt a lot of very harsh lessons over the last 2 years and belive it or not if I could I would change none of it, I do believe this was a journey we HAD to be part of to ultimately make all our lives better in the long term, children learn by example and the example we were setting the by spoiling them to death constantly really was not the right example.

We have bought nothing yet, not one single thing which in itself has been lovely in previous years we started on the Christmas present in July, so far not 1 single present, the funds are in place over the coming weeks but I made dam sure the funds to pay rent and all my bills were in place first.

Sorry for he long post I ust felt the need to share my experience with you all, it is far to easy to feel a failure as a parent when you cannot provide this that and the other when truth be known it is all irrelevant anyhow.........................

catznine

Not posted for a while but wanted to say Well done to SammyK on your fab win! You really deserve it love and I am so pleased for you!

I've told my family that we are cutting back this Christmas, just homemade and bargains hampers for them all. Also discounted books go down very well. The couples have a nice set (chopping boards or glass dishes) from Costco between them! Not sure what to get for dh though! I buy a box of cheap crackers and fill them with odds and ends, sometimes just a choc from the quality street tin but at our Church bazaar on saturday I bought a large bag of lovely cracker fillers (from last years luxury crackers I should think) for only 50p so well pleased with that.

My sister and I have agreed a £5 limit and can be charity shop bargains or discounted bits. I have so far got her some fluffy socks (£1.99 in TK Max) beautiful set of notelets (£1 at Church bazaar-new cond with price tag of £5.95) and 2 boxes of lavender bath soak (50p at Church bazaar) leaving £1.51 to spend! Great fun!

I should think that Christmas will be a stressful time for many which is a shame as that is not what it is all about. Should be quality TIME with family and friends. Our Church is definately getting fuller, is this also a sign of the times?

dollydaydream07

Primrose wrote: »

Dollydaydream - I feel really concerned when I read posts like this because I fear that many other people are being driven into inccurring debts to fund Christmas presents that are desirable but not essential. I know it's a huge temptation to feel you have to "deliver for your children and relatives" at Christmas but with government cuts in the pipe line and lots of job losses being forecast, I wonder why people still find it difficult to be honest about their finances and allow themselves to be emotionally blackmailed into keeping up with the herd when they can't afford it.

One year after my OH had been made redundant, I looked at our finances and decided that we simply wouldn't do ANY Christmas presents that year. and I simply told all our family that I was sorry, but that's how it was. as there's way no way we were going to debt into debt just to fund Christmas presents. Everybody understood apart from one relative who was a bit huffy about it, but as her Christmas spending was enough to keep Barclaycard in business for a year, I wasn't too upset about that. It did allow us to face January with a clean financial slate and stay debt clean until my OH was in employment again and I don't think I would have enjoyed Christmas anyway had I'd known we'd been spending money we didn't have.

i have said that people aren't getting much this year, we just simply cannot afford it
we have the 2 big pressies that DD wants and after that she isn't getting much more
the hamper contents for my sister have come to £5 so far(just want to add a bottle of wine to it)
i am regifting a gift set that DH got last year to my BIL, a book that DD got a few years ago to one of our niece's
then all we have to buy for is another of my sisters, DH's sister and hubby, 2 more niece's(one is a 6 month old baby) and my parents and my grandparents are getting a token calender made from DD's school photo

i have no idea what happened, this time last year, we were spedning £100 a MONTH on groceries(including toilletries) and now i am spending over £100 a WEEK - all the blame is me, DH works full time and never takes his wallet to work with him and if he wants a drink on a weekend, he asks me if we can buy a bottle of something, we have plenty of food in at all times and i'd say 90-95% of our meals are cooked from scratch
i am going wrong somewhere but where?

Primrose

NualaBuala - We've now reached the stage where there are no young children in any sections of our family and we've come to mutual agreements that we won't exchange Christmas or birthday presents any more as we're all of an age group where we've acquired all the essential material things we need.

I can't tell you what a huge relief it is not to have to go pushing round crowded shops in December any more, spending money on presents, which however, much we thought were appropriate, were probably not exactly what the recipients would have chosen for themselves. And as I wasn't going to take on responsibility for buying presents single handed and my OH therefore had to join in the expedition, he was delighted to concur. But I must say, I don't think he would have had the courage to suggest it to his relatives for fear of being thought mean. I really admire woman to do all the Christmas shopping, buying and wrapping single handed on top of full time jobs and running the home but it does mean shouldering an awful lot of extra responsibility.

I once knew somebody who got so fed up with doing everything that she negotiated an agreement with the OH that the following year she would take responsibility for buying presents for her relatives and he would do the same for his. And she stuck to it, without reminding him, Come Christmas Eve when he asked what she'd bought for his family, some of whom who were arriving for lunch the next day, she looked at him wide-eyed and said "Well, as we had an agreement last year that youi would buy for your family I've assumed that you'd been doing it." I gather he had to rush out to a late night petrol station where he was forced to clear the chocolate bar counter to make up mixed parcels of Mars bars and Cadburys choc bars !!

kidcat

Each year I downscale what we spend, shopping smarter as it were. I now only buy for my parents, my best friend who is one her own and would otherwise receive nothing (and as she is with us on Christmas day its nice that she has something to open with the kids), teachers of littlies (DS6 teachers well and truly deserve a little reward) and my children. My DD16 gives small gifts to her friends - but are usually HM and token gifts.

I worked out last Christmas that my kids now got alot more value for the budget and I still spend less. The other way I reduced my expenditure was to decide to change how I spent money at Christmas too, having four kids I previously was conscious of making sure they had equal amounts spent on them, I didnt want them thinking they were somehow worth less than their siblings, but last year I had a LBM and realised that if I kept the two older kids to a bigger budget and the two littlies to a much smaller one, it made so much more sense. Realistically the two youngest do not have any real concept of value yet and the stuff they want is so much cheaper than the older two, yet when the littlies get to be teenagers they will want more expensive stuff but by then the two eldest will be likely working and left home.
It has made my spending so much easier - I am no longer searching to buy stuff for the littlies just to make up their expenditure, and now there is no longer tonnes of stuff that is wasted.

Peer pressure is incredible on kids (especially teenagers) - this week saw the release of a new video game that most of my kids friends got on release day - £40 game, it was a violent 18 certificate game, and then a huge proportion of the boys were off school next day to play it. My DS12 was picked on because he went to school and didnt have the game. That was one game, imagine what they would do if he didnt have any presents at Christmas - and thats the dilemma many parents face.