Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

katholicos

Sammy, so glad you have such a sensible head on your shoulders! Perhaps you could give Owen a caveat to your generous offer to pay off his debt, something like if he gets in debt in future any future debt is his problem and repayments should not come out of your family finances. You will be working hard at keeping yourself out of debt ibn future, and so should he.

(((hugs)))

Nargleblast

Congratulations to sammykaye for your lucky break. I am sure you will use it wisely.

seasalt_2

Interesting blog, ceridwen, thankyou. Have not made skirlie for ages although my recipe uses oatmeal. Also interested in the mindapple idea, especially link between obesity and depression, which is me! Although have occasionally thought that I don't personally need a storecupboard as i am carrying it about with me - about six months worth I should think!

Sammy, I also think that it is a really good idea, if you are going to pay off Owen's debt, that he gives you what would have been his payment (or part of it) each week/month to put into a savings account instead. That way it is a partnership, you both win and don't have to pay the bank interest either! Would he commit to that and stick to it do you think?

I was very fed up with OH yesterday as he emptied the ashcan (a week's worth) before I had riddled it. (I have been childishly pleased with my rescued buckets of coal each week!) Not so much the waste of useable coal as that he doesn't see it - or similar thriftinesses - as important (to me or to our finances) and that upset me. On the other hand, he had said today that he would collect DD2 from work as he was working over that way anyway - and I completely forgot and went to get her in the car (just as wasteful) and he never even mentioned it, still less got on to me about it, so I know I am lucky to have him really.

seasalt_2

Kidcat, have you explained to your mum and dad that you really want a dehumidifier more than new chairs? Is it that they don't think it's a suitable gift and chairs are somehow more appropriate for a Christmas present? Have you tried explaining to them the way you just explained to us? So many people have said it has made their damp houses much more cosy and comfortable. Maybe worth having one more try to convince them? Gift giving is so tricky sometimes. It is a longstanding joke in our family that my mum has spent years trying to get me a "proper" coffee table (we have a perfectly good old primary school table) because she thinks it is something we ought to have. She has tried numerous times to buy, beg or borrow me one and still occasionally says in a wistful voice that so and so has a very nice coffee table they don't need any more...!

NualaBuala

ceridwen wrote: »

Whew! Hadnt realised there is no right of appeal. I do feel there should always be a right of appeal on anything - if only because human error so often crops up.

It IS a very difficult situation. We all of us think "Well things have got to be sorted and someone has to pay - but let it not be us personally" about the situation we are in. In all honesty today - I was thinking "We really do need more effort to get the workshy to take jobs whether they want to or no and its about time people stopped thinking they are too 'good' for unskilled jobs". The next minute I had to admit to myself that someone could turn round and throw straight back at me personally that "How come you wouldnt take an unskilled job then - as you think people should be prepared to?".

In all honesty - I have no answer as to how to "square that circle". There IS a limited range of unskilled jobs I would do personally - but then I have to admit I don't have the health/energy level to do them anymore anyway.

I simply don't know what the answer is actually as to how to ensure that British people take the jobs that are going rather than being on benefit on the one hand - so that we don't import extra people from other countries (hopefully only temporarily...) to do the jobs we are refusing to do ourselves...

I really don't know. My personal suspicion is that the generations after my own have got it rather more firmly in their heads than Real Life allows for that "Because I'm worth it (even if I'm not personally.....) means that "I MUST have a job that I enjoy/is worthwhile/etc because I'm worth it....".

I really really DO sympathise with the sentiments behind this - as I've never yet had the chance to do a job/career I actually like/feel is worthwhile and I am definitely envious of those people that DO have that. I dont think its right to be "mean-minded" about it - so I'm pleased for those that DO have a job/career that they actually like. I just think that it would be nice if that was something that we could all have - but I appreciate that it really IS the very few that are lucky enough to get that. Most of us hold down a job because we know we have to - and that is where I wonder if the pendulum swung too far and many people now arent prepared to do a job they don't want even if it means being on benefit voluntarily.

I don't honestly know what the answer is - to make people accept they have a responsibility to support themselves if they have the chance to on the one hand and I would hope that Society might be able to provide a higher proportion of jobs people actually WANT to do on the other hand....

I really enjoyed this post Ceridwen, very insightful and thought-provoking. And I really like the blog you linked to, especially the post on Mindapples. These are hard times and my mind needs all the help it can get to be well and happy.

kidcat wrote: »

We were talking today about Jesus feeding the 5000 with loaves and fishes, and they said that if I had been there I would have complained he didnt manage to make a stock and a soup for the next day with leftovers :rotfl::rotfl:

Kidcat, thank you! I literally laughed out loud when read this, gave me a good old chuckle (I think that will count as a mindapple for the day!)

Frugal - I've been in that situation with takeaways. I've improved a lot lately but I treated myself to a curry, naan breads and some Indian side dishes on special offer from M&S. Much cheaper than a takeway and they are really tasty - plus I will make them stretch to several meals. So that's on standby for when I feel myself weakening!

Sending healing thoughts to all who are sick at the mo or with sick family members and to anyone just having a plain old rough time. Lets all take heart from Sammy's good news ... good things can come along when you least expect it.

bluebag

seasalt wrote: »

Kidcat, have you explained to your mum and dad that you really want a dehumidifier more than new chairs? Is it that they don't think it's a suitable gift and chairs are somehow more appropriate for a Christmas present? Have you tried explaining to them the way you just explained to us? So many people have said it has made their damp houses much more cosy and comfortable. Maybe worth having one more try to convince them? Gift giving is so tricky sometimes. It is a longstanding joke in our family that my mum has spent years trying to get me a "proper" coffee table (we have a perfectly good old primary school table) because she thinks it is something we ought to have. She has tried numerous times to buy, beg or borrow me one and still occasionally says in a wistful voice that so and so has a very nice coffee table they don't need any more...!

This is going to sound really awful, but I hate getting presents. I am a pain in the b*tt for liking my favorite things and comfort wins over style every time for me.

I have everything in my home I want, nothing is new and nothing matches, but I have honed my appliances, furniture and utensils over many years to what exactly suits me.

I always give vouchers for gifts. Not that I'm thoughtless, just I would rather folk got what they wanted.

Fruball

Rotten night. Dad was blue-lighted into hospital again tonight and i've just got back from A&E. He is stable on drips and stuff - looks like its an infection rather than another stroke but he is very confused

Fell off the no-smoking wagon

Taxi driver who took me to hospital was a star though and didn't charge me much considering its a 40 min journey.

Gonna have a large glass of wine and go to bed. Looks like nothing will get done around the house AGAIN tomorrow

Hardup_Hester

Hugs Frugal

sammy_kaye18

Morning All

Firstly HUGS to Frugal. Hope your ok honey and that your dad is feeling better soon.

THE_CAT + CERIDWEN --- No I would never be offended by a post chick. Dont panic. I did overlook minor debts we had (ie the smaller ones) but once I sat and added everything up with the smaller ones included mine came to something like £2030, and Owen's came to about £2000 but these include little things like my £150 overdraft going, £180 we owe a friend who bailed me out of a debt not so long ago etc so I will be totally 100% debt free come the new year. I am thinking though the £30 I have gone over £2000 I will pay myself or see fi I can get one of the debts down as I owe a catalogue £133 so will see if they'll take £100 as a settlement. Im determined either way to have £1000 in savings though and after Xmas my 'would have been debt money' of £118 will be put into savings to build a nice nest egg. Should add Owen is going no where near the £1,000.

ALL WHO MENTIONED PAYING OFF OWENS DEBTS --- I am not paying them all his off entirely but a majority. He still has a debt of about £2000 which was for his old house deposit which he pays £50 a month too but I will be paying off £1,200 of his other debt (to the CAB), £450 to the credit union and £250 for his credit card. So he wont be entirely debt free but it will be a vast majority gone

Also should point out the £1000 that's left over will be put into a bank account in MY name ONLY, and the credit union account --- which he borrowed a loan of £450 from after Holly was born to pay debts and petrol --- is again in MY name ONLY and currently has £150 sat in it too. So I effectively will have £1,150 in savings.:D oh that sounds good.

ROSEANNA --- I have told Owen if he gets into debt again then I'm done. I have been with I'm 8 years and he has never been debt free and this will be the closest he's ever been to it.

BITTER&TWISTED AND KITTIE --- Owen has always said if he could afford it he would give me more towards household expenses or to treat myself but he has never been able to financially as something has always come up. He has said his first £200 he has free he will sort Christmas then the next lot we will go out for a meal and film and he will treat us. The £200 will make a difference to us still and he has already mentioned plans to get net curtains in the living room and new curtains/rails and to tile the hallway - I haven't heard him actually mention bikes once come to think of it!

CERIDWEN --- I'll light a candle for us both! Although at the minute I'd be happy with any house! and build up to my dream house with my small holding.

Mainly today I will be washing, attempting to dry uniforms, ironing and might even do a spot of baking later. such an exciting life i lead.

mardatha

Could I ask everybody to spare a thought and send love & light to all the wee bairns who who will get nothing at all this xmas ? A friend of mine who used to be a health visitor in a poor part of Edinburgh, says many homes dont have enough food in the cupboards to eat, nevermind to make a xmas dinner with. (She worked with drug addicts and prisoners aid.) Just woke up this morning thinking of that somehow.