Looking for a bit of advice on joint finances when one person is a problem

margaretclare

My first husband was also 'useless with money' - he'd been told at school that 'a gentleman never talks of/thinks of money'. To him, for many years it came in and went out without him giving it a thought.

But....he did start to learn, it could be said when it was far too late!!! Anyone can learn, can change, but only if he wants to.

I agree with those who say 'it's a question of trust'. Yes, it is. At least my first husband, 'useless with money' as he was (until the last few years of his life) never stole from me.

My DH has a saying 'Trust and Respect are the bedrock of any relationship. Love is a bonus. Without Trust and Respect there is no relationship'.

Go figure.

kegg_2

He doesn't sound useless with money to me afterall it sounds like he has done an expert job of defrauding you of yours.


Wipe the word MUG off your forehead and report him to the police for the fraud he has commited. Then divorce him before he takes every penny you have or are likely to have.

wannabe_sybil

If you divorce the husband will be entitled to half the assets of the marriage.

Of course, while married he is enjoying, from the sound of it, considerably more than that and at least the drain on money would stop.

I hope this point helps you think of what you want and how you want to go. I hope it all works out for you.

ailuro2

I said this in another post last week, and the same applies...

fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

How long are you going to carry on living life and having the P ripped out of you by this so called husband - for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health - but there IS a limit to how much someone can trample all over the other one.

If he has mental health issues he needs to get them sorted out, but really, I can't see any way ahead but for you to get out now while you can still just about afford to.:eek:

Indie_Kid

Filey wrote: »

will_it_get_better wrote: »

The job was fictitious and his "wages" had been coming out of my ISA. As we had a joint mortgage and a joint account with the same bank although the ISA was in my name they let him take money out of it.

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I would have thought the bank shouldn't allow him to withdraw money from YOUR ISA if it's in YOUR name. You need to have a word with them and complain. Unless of course he forged your signature.

Don't you also need ID to draw money out?

elisamoose

He sounds quite good with money ..........yours!

Janey3

No constructive advice to give but think you have the patience of a Saint.

Janey

mademoiselle_2

WHAT are you doing?

The man is a crook.

Standing by him is not a sign of virtue - it is a sign of hopeless dependency, yours, not his!

Sorry to be blunt but the reality check is needed on your side, not his! He is no Walter Mitty, or any other romantic epithet you care to use. He knows exactly what he is doing - but you, my dear, do not!

Please talk to a Domestic Abuse counsellor. Get some self respect. And leave this man to find his own way to the gutter.

(I say this with feeling because I know what I am talking about .. they don't change!!!)

Pat69

You have to get rid of this idiot. He is a fraudster and were it not you he was stealing from, he would have been locked up a long time ago. He will bleed you dry, your sanity will be lost as you try to keep it all together and your financial future will always be in jeopardy as he will never change.

You may try to find out where the money goes but gather the evidence, all historical evidence as well and get a lawyer to prepare everything for divorce. Prepare an exit strategy which includes knowing how to force the sale of your property if he does not agree and then virtually blackmail him into accepting everything on you (very decent) terms so that you can quickly get rid and move on.