Looking for a bit of advice on joint finances when one person is a problem

lauren_1

You are not his wife you are his cashcow.

I really feel for you.

Errata

Well, he certainly started as he meant to continue. What can you do? Ask yourself what his response would be if you'd done all this to him. I suspect he'd be straight out of the door.

Jinx

The only thing I can think of to stay together but stop him committing fraud is to rent him a flat - which HE pays for so that you actually have separate addresses and as others have suggested have the flag put on your credit file....

I can totally understand people with money 'issues' being a debt free wannabe...but he spent 5k on something which was meant to go on the mortgage and that was after the ISA debacle. For me it would be the complete lack of trust that would be the deal breaker. Money is an emotive issue but I cant understand how you can allow him to not justify what the money went on??

Savvy_Sue

Do people change? Yes, they do.

Will he? Has he shown any signs of doing so? No.

Will you? your call ...

shaven-monkey

His apparent phobia of talking about money suggests that he's fully aware that revealing his spending habits would be the end of your marriage.

I am no headshrinker but his behavior as described does seem to indicate he's ... not normal
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_Personality_Disorder#Signs_and_symptoms
or alternatively aggressive narcisism.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy#PCL-R_items

Please note that as with all psychiatric diagnostic criterea, these are made up by a comittee of people whose income depends on there being disorders to treat.

Insist he signs the house over to you right now. Remove him from all joint accounts.
Have him sign a confession recounting all of his fraudulent loans and any other criminal activity that he has been involved in.
Divorce him and give him nothing, if he tries any thing funny then hand the confession to the police.

Filey

will_it_get_better wrote: »

The job was fictitious and his "wages" had been coming out of my ISA. As we had a joint mortgage and a joint account with the same bank although the ISA was in my name they let him take money out of it.

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I would have thought the bank shouldn't allow him to withdraw money from YOUR ISA if it's in YOUR name. You need to have a word with them and complain. Unless of course he forged your signature.

onlyroz

He's smart enough to know how to commit fraud and find all sorts of ways to evade the system - but he's "useless with money"? Doesn't ring true to me.

piratefairy

You either have to stop letting him get away with being so "useless with money", or accept that you're working just to make him some "pocket money", letting him spend it on whatever he wants, and then paying for his mistakes.
Sounds like the position you're in financially should make you the stronger of this, but your actions show that you perhaps don't want to lose him, is that why you keep on paying off everything he does wrong?
I couldn't cope with someone who had betrayed my trust. Surely that should have been the basis of your relationship. He clearly doesn't think it is.

Gingham_Ribbon

Sorry I don't have the answers but didn't want to read and run.

I would have to discuss this first as a major trust issue. Can he not see that his actions are causing you so much worry?

BitterAndTwisted

I suspect that he's fully aware but either does not or cannot care