DO NOT want to start an arguement, genuine question..

clearingout

so how would you 'police' it? If, as my NRP you give me, say £200 a month towards the cost of our children and I am seen out wearing designer clothes with a new handbag every day, how do you prove that I spent YOUR £200 on myself and not the kids? Who would be in charge of this 'policing' system?

Is it not OK to go on holiday without your kids as either a PWC or a NRP? If I decide to go on holiday with my new partner and my ex cares for the children for 2 weeks whilst I do that, am I somehow a poor parent? How is it that if I, as a PWC, if I want a normal life, time off, time to myself away from the kids that I now have to care for on my own 24 hours a day 12 nights out of 14, I am using YOUR money if I go on holiday? Do I not still have a mortgage and bills to pay whilst I go away for those two weeks? How to you prove that YOUR money went on MY holiday?

It sucks, I agree. As a PWC who doesn't receive any maintenance at all but has an ex who took 3 holidays with his girlfriend (without children) in 12 months, bought himself a couple of new cars and a boat, I have an awful lot to say about who's left bringing up the children. One size doesn't fit all, that's the problem. But how do you 'police' a one size fits all system?

gratefulforhelp_2

far2812 wrote: »

As a NRP I think we all have to remember that this comes down to the children! I pay my ex a fair amount of money (Not a fortune as he tends to travel to Peru on a monthly basis!!) but I also buy all of my daughter's clothes every season,school uniforms, I pay for school dinners and trips etc.

I think we can provide for our children in other ways other than paying the resident parent. Obviously the children need homes, heating etc but I have taken on the responsibility of "all the other costs", that way there is no argument!

You are very unusual, in a good way!

clearingout

And you know what else? Maybe, just maybe, I've found myself a millionaire boyfriend who's paying for my designer handbags but I choose not to tell you about my new life and the Caribbean Cruise we're going on next week because, frankly, I wouldn't want to rub your nose in it?!!!! I have a heart, see?!!

(All said tounge in cheek and yes, I'm having a crappy day with the ex!!!)

gratefulforhelp_2

Rise above it, honey and keep the moral high ground, it's the only way!

JulietAmber_2

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I agree with you apart from the bit highlighted in red. If that's true for you, then you are fortunate.
CSA money for my child is less than half of her childcare costs, before paying for anything else.

Actually I don't get any maintenance - my husband passed away about 6 years ago. Can you not get help with her childcare costs through CTC?

HappyMJ

ajatuk wrote: »

It has always been the case that my ex hasnt always spent the money i provide for my CHILDREN on the children. Without going into too much detail as this has been over 8 years with lots of incidents, my ex has made the children buy their own outfits for a wedding recently, in the past she has been on holidays abroad paid for by herself however leaving the children behind...

She would not be in a position to do this if it was on her earnings alone so my question is - IN THESE SORTS OF CIRCUMSTANCES AND NOT DIRECTED AT THE RP's WHO DO USE THE MAINTENANCE ON THE CHILDREN!!!!! - should the NRP have a say or be able to contest where the money they provide for their children actually is spent?

I think it's far too hard to control where the money is spent. It's depressing paying it over knowing it isn't being spent on the child and the PWC is having holidays by herself but there is nothing you can do about it.

The only payment that you can make with the help of the CSA is to pay the mortgage directly to prevent your children from being made homeless if the PWC has severe problems handling money but that's all I know of.

If you wanted your contribution broken down into parts I'm sure the PWC could justify every penny spent. If PWC lived by herself then a 1 bed flat would suffice but with 2 kids only a 3 bed will do. That's what child support pays for. All the bills are higher maybe council tax band B instead of A, elec, gas and water..... the difference comes from child support. Then there is the groceries bill. Do you want every PWC to provide receipts that exclude the cigarettes and alcohol just so that NRP's don't pay for that bit. Who ate what?

Blob

Just fort he record, when I married my ex I took on a child as well. We all went on holidays together when the money was there. She got one holiday with her farther in the time we were together 9 years. There was never any difference shown by me to any of them. That only came in after the split, when she was feeding her daughter with the best food about, and new cloths the lot. Our 2 when with her got beans on toast if lucky, and left to have the cloths fall it bits about them. They had 2 sets of clothes, the ones that I got them and the things that their mother got them. Oh yes, she had the best of the fashion world as well. So please yes there are good on both sides of this coin.

gratefulforhelp_2

JulietAmber I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

On the topic of clothing, if my child ever visits the NRP, then she will go in her cheapest oldest clothes on principle. This is because I don't trust him not to "accidentally" not send them back, and ebay them to make back some of the CSA money. Harsh but true.

kwaks

Oeillade wrote: »

Congratulations to all the NRPs who take their responsibilities seriously and put their children first. I have great respect for you, it can't be easy, especially if you have a new family to support as well.

From the other side as RP, my ex pays the minimum he can get away with through the CSA, he gave up his job and went "self-employed" so that they couldn't collect for his first daughter, he owes thousands in arrears. He only pays me the minimum so he can look like a "good daddy". I had to take him to county court to get him to pay half of a secured loan in both our names and he doesn't always pay this every month. He doesn't contribute to the mortgage which is still in both our names and told his friends he wanted to "break me financially"!




Don't think I really need him having any more control over me, thanks.

I wish I could afford to go on holiday somewhere really nice!!

Maybe cause he doesn't live there? And has to pay for the roof over his own head? Solution is to sell up and clear off the joint debt from the equity.

FBaby

I'm a pwc and I totally agree that pwc should be accountable for the CM they receive. The NRP is providing money for their children, not his ex, and he should have a right to know what it is spent on. I would have no issue at all showing my ex where his money goes, that is if he gave me any of course!!!

However, I don't think the assumption that the money isn't spent on kids should be based on the luxury the pwc is spending on, it should only be based on concerns over the children. If they miss school outings, say that they are still wearing every day the coat they'd had for 3 years, and have had to eat sandwiches every evenings for the past week whilst the pwc is away on hols a few times a week, then yes, it should warrant justification. However, if the kids seem well cared for, it is the right of the pwc to spend her extra money as she wishes. And of course, all this depends on how much the CM amounts to.