DO NOT want to start an arguement, genuine question..

ajatuk

As the title suggests, I DO NOT want to start an arguement or ruffle any feathers...and this is NOT AIMED AT THOSE GENUINE RP'S WHO PLAY BY THE BOOK....

Would just like to know the general feeling both from NRP's and RP's...

I am a NRP however was RP up until Feb 2010. When i was RP i didnt collect any money from ex as she also had one of our daughters. She tried to collect money from me hoever CSA decided it was 'like for like' for want of a better phrase.

I now pay ex a regular monthly amount for both children as they both now reside with her, against one of their wishes.

It has always been the case that my ex hasnt always spent the money i provide for my CHILDREN on the children. Without going into too much detail as this has been over 8 years with lots of incidents, my ex has made the children buy their own outfits for a wedding recently, in the past she has been on holidays abroad paid for by herself however leaving the children behind...

She would not be in a position to do this if it was on her earnings alone so my question is - IN THESE SORTS OF CIRCUMSTANCES AND NOT DIRECTED AT THE RP's WHO DO USE THE MAINTENANCE ON THE CHILDREN!!!!! - should the NRP have a say or be able to contest where the money they provide for their children actually is spent?

It does gripe me as my children rarely get new clothes unless they come to visit me, have missed out on school outings in the past unless i have paid for them on top of CSA, never been taken on holiday unless i have done so, which i try to do when i can...

Just to say, I fought for my children after my wife left me after she had an affair whilst i was serving in Iraq taking our children with her however due to mny job cout awarded her residency.

sarflee

I don't think anybody can be told what/how to spend money they receive. Unfortunately there will always be the PWC who uses some of the CTC/CSA that they receive for them personally and I do not think there is anything that can/should be done. As a NRP I think the best you can do is know that you are doing everything YOU can to provide your children with what they need/want.

My partner is in a similar position to you, however is now only paying for one child at a rate of £60pw, PWC also receives £50 CTC and £20 CB. DD who partner pays for does not go to college full time but has wangled a way of getting them to enrol her full time but only do 6 hrs pw. DD works and earns around £150+ pw. Mum can't afford to help DD with a provisional driving licence, passport, fares to college or lunches, or new clothes. She does provide 5 evening meal a week though. Since November last year mum has apparantley WON a holiday touring Japan, a week at a luxury health farm, holiday to Lanzarote, A holiday to Seychelles staying in a 5 star hotel, a holiday touring Singapore, Vietnam etc a weekend in Dublin, and a midweek stay for 6 at Center Parcs. She is a very lucky woman. Of course none of the 3 children, now all over 18, go with her, and when they were all at school/not earning, mum never won any holidays!!!

May sound like sour grapes but sorry, I do not believe she has won all this, I think DD maintenance and tax credits are paying for this. But, we get by knowing we have NEVER missed one payment, NEVER put ourselves before any of our children and helped them as often as we can physically afford.

Oeillade

Congratulations to all the NRPs who take their responsibilities seriously and put their children first. I have great respect for you, it can't be easy, especially if you have a new family to support as well.

From the other side as RP, my ex pays the minimum he can get away with through the CSA, he gave up his job and went "self-employed" so that they couldn't collect for his first daughter, he owes thousands in arrears. He only pays me the minimum so he can look like a "good daddy". I had to take him to county court to get him to pay half of a secured loan in both our names and he doesn't always pay this every month. He doesn't contribute to the mortgage which is still in both our names and told his friends he wanted to "break me financially"!

Don't think I really need him having any more control over me, thanks.

I wish I could afford to go on holiday somewhere really nice!!

Loopy_Girl

ajatuk wrote:

- should the NRP have a say or be able to contest where the money they provide for their children actually is spent?

No they shouldn't.

No one else gets told how to spend their money (did you spend EVERY single penny of your Child Benefit on your child(ren) when you were a PWC?) so why should this section of the community?

Frankly however I do think you are aware of the implications of this thread and I fail to see how such a question cannot 'start an argument' when everyone will have a strong view on it.

Not all people are like your ex wife so I fail to see the justification for your proposal.

Duncombe

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

No one else gets told how to spend their money

But its not their money they are spending...

gratefulforhelp_2

This has to be a wind up surely?

I will just mention the following...childcare costs, mortgage/rent for a house/flat to house the children/council tax for same, utilities for same/food/clothing/hobbies and activities for children...

Unless the OP is earning mega bucks, then I think the above would account for the sums paid.

DX2

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Unless the OP is earning mega bucks, then I think the above would account for the sums paid.

Squaddies earn a fair bit every week

DX2

ajatuk wrote: »

should the NRP have a say or be able to contest where the money they provide for their children actually is spent?

:rotfl:Sweet, when my NRP acknowledges that he actually has a child and starts paying child support then he can try and dicate where his pennies and I mean pennies get spent until that time he can whistle dixie.

Blob

Hi ajatuk.

I know just how you feel I had to sort out cloths for the kids when they were sent round to me, no coats when it was raining hard. The cloths in rags, her eating steak and the kids on beans if lucky, so it goes on!

It is not possible for an NRP to have any say in how the money is spent. It comes hard when you see what the ex gets up to and the state that you see your kids left in. However now my kids know the truth, and have very little to do with their mother, she is reaping what she has sown. As I have said and been attacked for in the past, the Kids will have the last word. All you can do is to be there for them when you can"!

I hope this helps, it wont help with the pain of seeing your kids go short while someone that is getting money for them spends it on herself. Just hold on to the fact that in the end she is the one that will without doubt suffer.

JulietAmber_2

I understand what you are saying and many PWC abuse the system in this way. But from personal experience and being a PWC aswell as a NRPP -

Many PWC have to put careers on hold to ensure their children are well looked after/picked up from school and there for them in the school holidays. Most NRP can carry on with their careers and continue earning much more money than the PWC and they are only able to do that because the PWC looks after their children.
It seems only fair, therefore, that the NRP pays a fair amount to the PWC to help with this. I know PWC can claim CTC and WTC - but not nearly as much as they could earn working full-time.

Blob

I accept your point, but why should a new partner have to have their income taken into account, for the NRP, but not the PWC.

Mr and Mrs X have 2 kids. They then break up.

The kids go with Mrs X as is the norm and will be backed by the Courts rightly or wrongly.

Mr X meets Mrs Y who has a kid and a home as well as a small income and all the benefits, this is all then taken into account by the CSA and Mr X then is assessment to pay say £150 a week.

Mrs X meets and sets up home with a Lotto winer and has £+++ a big house the lot. His income is not taken into account. Fair or what!!!

I know this is an extrema example but you see the picture.