can't afford a solicitor! help!

djdido2

yeah that'd be cool. where do i start? do you want everything that i pay out and everything i earn? could be a huge list

Loretta

I think the civil matter of access to your son is a completely seperate matter from the very abusive and threatening texts you are receiving from him. I don't think that is only you who thinks they are scary, I think they are as well and I am sure most other people would too. Because of the situation you are in you probably feel low and have lost confidence, you feel that you are making a fuss and probably that you somehow deserve to be treated like this. To any outside the tone of these text messages, apart from his awkward behaviour over your son, is unacceptable. If you have had no joy from the police, and I think they are wrong because it is not your word against his, you have his threats in writing, either make an appointment to see someone higher up at the police station, which has already been suggested, or take someone with you to the police station to support you and to be firm about making a proper complaint and insist that it is taken seriously and a statement is taken from you, or phone women's aid, I am sure they have come across this sort of thing on a regular bases and I am sure they will either advise you what to do, or how to make the police do their job and take this seriously , ot perhaps go with you to the police station and get this matter dealt with as a criminal matter as I am sure it is. Once you get this dealt with I am sure the situation will start to sort itself out. He knows that you do not have the strength to deal with him, but if the police get involved as they should and it is made quite clear to him that his behaviour will not be tolerated he may think again, or the odd night in the cells does the trick if he is a slow learner! I am not sure that a bad irresponible father is better than no father at all, having a father around however bad seems to be the fashionable opinion at the moment but I would have thought a happy relaxed mother is the best thing for a child rather than a mother who not only has this terror hanging over her all the time but the financial worry of trying to sort it out. It is hard enough bringing up a child on your own and working and everything else without this sort of 'artificial' and unnecessary worry of this nasty man to deal with as well. All mothers feel guilty, it comes with the job, please think carefully about what this father is contributing to his child's welfare, he seems to keep in contact just to upset you, if this interference stopped would he bother with his son and if he didn't would it be such a bad thing.

Benny24

Have sent you a PM

msmicawber

Bossyboots wrote:

Our local contact centre will only take a referral from a solicitor.

Family Centres aren't contact centres, but often have sessions for fathers and children. They're staffed by a mixture of social workers and other staff with childcare qualifications and are safe, friendly, free places where people can meet up. I mentioned this as a possible half-way measure if djdido2 didn't want to, or couldn't afford to, go the legal route.

djdido2

thanks loretta.

i suspect that contact would stop if i went the legal route yes. it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. but it is my son who is most important. to make matters worse my son has been crying and getting upset when he knows dad is coming and on occasions he has not wanted to get in the car. dad thinks this is my doing or rather the passive aggressive behaviour makes me end up feeling guilty. his behaviour is obviously having an affect on ds even if i try my best to prevent it.

sticher

quite frankly i think if it came to that he would not bother with access what so ever. this is directed towards me so he can watch me suffer, panic etc

I might sound harsh here, but from all you have said, I think your ds father is more interested in hurting you than seeing his son. If it is starting to upset your son then I would stop the contact. If he really wants to see him, then he would be more reasonable - he is merely seeking to control you. Why do you feel it is so necessary for a child to maintain contact with such a bully?

I don't really think you need a solicitor at present - what can they say that you don't already know? If he is threatening you, I would stop the contact and make the police take notice (as has been said already) and show them the texts. If in the future he changes his behaviour then you can re-establish contact.

djdido2

sticher wrote:

quite frankly i think if it came to that he would not bother with access what so ever. this is directed towards me so he can watch me suffer, panic etc

I might sound harsh here, but from all you have said, I think your ds father is more interested in hurting you than seeing his son. If it is starting to upset your son then I would stop the contact. If he really wants to see him, then he would be more reasonable - he is merely seeking to control you. Why do you feel it is so necessary for a child to maintain contact with such a bully?

I don't really think you need a solicitor at present - what can they say that you don't already know? If he is threatening you, I would stop the contact and make the police take notice (as has been said already) and show them the texts. If in the future he changes his behaviour then you can re-establish contact.

you don't sound harsh at all!!!

this is the dilemma he is causing!! tried to keep established contact for the sake of ds and obviously now i have to question if it is right for him to go with his dad or not? it would cause many more problems if i was to deny access and i before i take steps to do this i need to know that i have got back up from the necessary people.

if he said he wanted him and i said no. thats when i really do have to worry. as he may turn up at work etc and that scares the hell out of me.

I DONT WANT MY SON TO BE WITH A BULLY! but who am i to say that a dad cannot see his own son?

i will try next week to not be home when he thinks he is just gonna turn up and take him. but i will pay for that by a barrage of abuse and insults. in the past he has watched me through the window at work and then sent texts saying so. i'd hate it knowing he was watching me. this guy has alot to answer for!