can't afford a solicitor! help!

djdido2

i need advice for a rather complicated, stressful situation!!

my ds is three and a half. i broke up with his dad when ds was 6 months old as he was abusive, jealous, possessive and didn't want to pay towards his sons upbringing.

since then have moved on and got my own business, built myself up the best i can. quite some time after i left him i paid around £600 in solicitors fees to obtain an injunction on him as he was turning up at my place of work, sending threats via text etc. this worked to a certain degree as he got a visit from the police and the harrassment stopped.

he still picked his son up if and when he pleases and for the sake of my son i have had to just grin and bear walking to HIS car to hand my son over.

i have always made sure that he gets the chance to see his dad as i think it is very important that he does.

over the last few weeks he has resurfaced wanting to see his son and has now started to send abusive and threatening messages to me. he is very clever about what he actually puts as he is aware i will keep the messages as evidence. he would never harm my child but i am scared about what his actions/motives are and i can't run and hide anywhere. he drops my ds with my mum round the corner if i am not in when he returns with ds. (when it suits him).

he plays games where he says he is having him overnight and then just brings him back without any warning.

i really don't know which way to turn i CANNOT afford to see a solictor as i am saving very hard for my mortgage deposit. is there anything i can do at all to put a stop to this once and for all.?

it is making me ill thinking what he might do and i am also torn as i dont want ds to be in the middle of all this mess. cant win if i send him and can't win if i don't.

would CAB help? i am not entitled to any legal aid as i earn about £50 too much to qualify for it. but i really need to do something. he is sending texts now saying ****ing tramp. etc.

anyone any help will really be appreciated

thanks

(apologies for long thread too!)

Biddyrolo

Hugs honey, if he is being threatening and abusive can the police not help? Particularly as you have already had to take action against him. Sorry that I can't be more helpful.

hardpressed

just phone the CAB and ask if they can help. If they can't they can probably suggest someone who can.

djdido2

Biddyrolo wrote:

Hugs honey, if he is being threatening and abusive can the police not help? Particularly as you have already had to take action against him. Sorry that I can't be more helpful.

tbh. he is very clever about how he words things. like i said he knows i kept the evidence so he doesn't directly threat if YOU KNOW WHATI MEAN!

typical text would be "your day is coming closer " etc.

what would i say to the CAB. so long winded and complicated i dont have any puff left in me. if the phone beeps i jump. its not fair!

i also found the police quite unsympathetic as they just said "his word against mine". didnt bother to read the hundred or so text messages!

kabie

In my opinion this sort of thing would be covered under the harrassment laws.
I think the best idea would be to contact womens aid: this is a form of domestic violence: they deal with people being harrassed by ex-partners as well as those living with their abuser.
I've been in a similar situation involving phone calls and messages and it pushed me to breaking point; I know how distressing it can be; in my case the police were interested and helpful. Don't feel like this is a minor thing it's obvious that it's affecting you.
This is the details for womens aid, you can phone or email:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010008
They offer advice and can help identify local resources that may help you know how to deal with the problem: they're not all about refuges.

Maranatha

There are two sides to this.

Firstly the civil with access to the child. This will have to be formalised and a Solicitor would be needed.

Secondly, the criminal side. Your status is the main carer for your child, despite the fact that the guy is the father and you appear not to have agreed access rights for him, you still have certain leal rights to the custody, charge or care of the child. In other words he can't just turn up and take the child. If he does so it is basically 'child theft' and the Police would have to stop him, arrest him and take the child back to you.

As regards the offensive texts, notes, chat, keep them on the phone, answer machine, slips of paper or note them at the time, date, time and sign them. Contact the Police and state you are reporting a crime. It doesn't matter that your not corroborated. The 'other evidence' will corroborate your version of events. If the Police do not want to know, speak with the Duty Sergeant, Inspector or higher. If that fails, make a written complaint about neglect of their duty to your Forces HQ. That will do the trick.

I am afraid you have to assert yourself. The guy is attempting to control you. The more you give, the more he will take until he finds he can't get away with it. Take a stand, you'll be pleased you did.

Biddyrolo

If you have the texts how can it be a "his word against yours" situation, if he is sending abusive texts he is commiting an offence (I've been googling) check here https://www.ofcom.org.uk/complain/mobile/unwanted/abusive or there maybe a local womens group who can advise you.

djdido2

Biddyrolo wrote:

If you have the texts how can it be a "his word against yours" situation, if he is sending abusive texts he is commiting an offence (I've been googling) check here https://www.ofcom.org.uk/complain/mobile/unwanted/abusive or there maybe a local womens group who can advise you.

they didn't even ask to look. i didnt know his address so it took a while to track him down and when they eventually did, he just told them loads of lies etc that the policeman repeated to me when he called round to say they had found him.

i did change my number but he has access to find it if he needs to and he has. anyway i wouldn't stop him ringing as he is the father of ds. i did phone my network supplier in the beginning when this was happening and they weren't much help either!!

feel like i am making a big fuss if i have to call the police!!??

djdido2

marantha. thanks.

does this mean i would be denying him access altogether??

i have come along way with the assertiveness particularly after what he put me through. i am making a stand as i want this to end. he has been able to take him if and when it pleases him because he has been "controlling" me into handing him over to him when he wants to see him.

i really dont have the money for a solicitor. and i have kept all the texts etc but i feel i am making the situation worse by getting help from police, womens aid etc?!

kabie

If it's making you feel as bad as it is then you're not making any unnecessary fuss! This chap is relying on that attitude to continue. It's so hard when you have to have some form of contact.

msmicawber

Oh no, and after you doing such a sterling job in standing up to 'he who does nowt'.

I know you're saving, but why don't you have a stern word with him next time you see him and tell him his behaviour's not on and if he persists, then you will have no alternative but to seek legal action ... then, if necessary, see a solicitor and get him/her to write him a letter. Hopefully, you should only have to pay for a little advice and a letter.

Alternatively: Does he have parental responsibility for your DS? Was the contact ageed between you, or was some legal order obtained? If not, remind him that you could make him apply through the Courts at his own expense for contact. That might give him pause for thought. Take no nonsense, girl!

Best wishes.