can't afford a solicitor! help!

Bossyboots

Maranatha wrote:

Firstly the civil with access to the child. This will have to be formalised and a Solicitor would be needed.

Secondly, the criminal side. Your status is the main carer for your child, despite the fact that the guy is the father and you appear not to have agreed access rights for him, you still have certain leal rights to the custody, charge or care of the child. In other words he can't just turn up and take the child. If he does so it is basically 'child theft' and the Police would have to stop him, arrest him and take the child back to you.

Both of these statements are incorrect if the father has parental responsibility. The first one is incorrect even if he doesn't.

You do not need a solicitor to apply for a defined contact order, or indeed any court proceedings. The forms are available online or at the court and the staff will help with the mechanics of filing them in. It is cheaper to do this through the magistrates family court, rather than the county court.

If the father has PR, he is just as entitled to have the child live with him as the mother. Even if there is a residence order he could retain the child if he believes its welfare is being compromised. The police will not get involved other than to check the child is safe and happy where it is. This is a civil matter, not a criminal matter and there is nothing they can do unless they believe the child may come to harm. Even without PR, they will not always intervene particularly if there are court proceedings, an established pattern of contact and the child is happy where they are.

It is true that a few years ago the police might have acted as described here. It is no longer the case although each report will be judged on its own merits and there will be occasions where they will recommend the child is returned but unless the child is at risk they do not have the power to remove it from a parent with PR.

djdido2

i wish i didnt have any contact. for the amount of time he actually does have him its hardly worth it. and i am the one who feels guilty that ds has ended up with only one parent.

tbh. i am not scared of him anymore. its not really fear or nerves its more. when will this end. i am practically stuck with this for potentially the next 20 years. he will never change. in an ideal world i would want us to be happy and amicable for the sake of ds but i am 100% sure that will never be possible from his point of view. this WILL be affecting my son. and it's all HIS doing. where do i go next? phew!

djdido2

i wish i didnt have any contact. for the amount of time he actually does have him its hardly worth it. and i am the one who feels guilty that ds has ended up with only one parent.

tbh. i am not scared of him anymore. its not really fear or nerves its more. when will this end. i am practically stuck with this for potentially the next 20 years. he will never change. in an ideal world i would want us to be happy and amicable for the sake of ds but i am 100% sure that will never be possible from his point of view. this WILL be affecting my son. and it's all HIS doing. where do i go next? phew!

lynzpower

I think you might do well to speak with your local social servcies team. this man if he is a threat to you ( emotionally, or otherwise) it follows he is naturally likely to be a threat to your son, emotionally, if not otherwise.

He sounds like the sort of chap that may well want to see his son, but wants to make you suffer in the process. I suggest you speak not only with the police but also with the social services dept in order for them to ensure your son is protected. this can mean they can arrange contact for your son, but ensuring its supervised so he doesnt say anything frightening to your boy, and also to ensure your boys dad doesnt have to come to your home, where you may want to think again about an injunction.

Best of luck, and keep safe
Lynz

rchddap1

Repeat after me....."I am not a doormat".

And if nothing else convinces you...think about what your son sees. Children learn from and look up to their parents. Who is your son going to learn from...his Dad?

Scary thought I know, but it does happen.

Take a deep breath, pull your socks up and sort him out.

I know you're saving for a deposit, but at the end of the day if spending any savings you have sorts this issue out once and for all then surely it is worth it. Both for your sanity and that of your son's? My savings were for a holiday.....then for a wedding.....and now for my own baby due in a couple of months. Savings are great to have as they can really get you out of hole

djdido2

msmicawber wrote:

Oh no, and after you doing such a sterling job in standing up to 'he who does nowt'.

I know you're saving, but why don't you have a stern word with him next time you see him and tell him his behaviour's not on and if he persists, then you will have no alternative but to seek legal action ... then, if necessary, see a solicitor and get him/her to write him a letter. Hopefully, you should only have to pay for a little advice and a letter.

Alternatively: Does he have parental responsibility for your DS? Was the contact ageed between you, or was some legal order obtained? If not, remind him that you could make him apply through the Courts at his own expense for contact. That might give him pause for thought. Take no nonsense, girl!

Best wishes.

hi there

thanks for you reply.

yes just as my life was getting so much better.

think this is why he has resurfaced tbh coz "he who did nowt" lol has gone out of my life. so the big bully has returned.

no parental responsibility at all. he just picks him up by sending a text "i am coming at such and such a time". i have to be there at home with a bag of overnight gear for the wee man to be returned at half 7 the next morning!

i really wish i could just disappear off the face of the earth and start over!
x

Bossyboots

djdido2 wrote:

no parental responsibility at all. he just picks him up by sending a text "i am coming at such and such a time". i have to be there at home with a bag of overnight gear for the wee man to be returned at half 7 the next morning!

Who says you have to be there? Bullies thrive on getting their own way and seeing their bullying working. I am not saying you should stop contact, just that you could perhaps be a bit firmer in respect of his demands.

djdido2

rchddap1 wrote:

Repeat after me....."I am not a doormat".

And if nothing else convinces you...think about what your son sees. Children learn from and look up to their parents. Who is your son going to learn from...his Dad?

Scary thought I know, but it does happen.

Take a deep breath, pull your socks up and sort him out.

I know you're saving for a deposit, but at the end of the day if spending any savings you have sorts this issue out once and for all then surely it is worth it. Both for your sanity and that of your son's? My savings were for a holiday.....then for a wedding.....and now for my own baby due in a couple of months. Savings are great to have as they can really get you out of hole

i see what you mean. but sale of house is going through and i only have half what i need saved so far. reluctant but not unwilling to spend it if i have to but i was just trying to get any advice as to what i could do or say to avoid it getting to the legalities.

djdido2

Bossyboots wrote:

Who says you have to be there? Bullies thrive on getting their own way and seeing their bullying working. I am not saying you should stop contact, just that you could perhaps be a bit firmer in respect of his demands.

where could i send my son for him to be picked up so i don't have to be there? that would be perfect! the bully has made it so he clicks his fingers and i jump.

i have tried every angle. being firm, giving as good as i get etc. none of it has worked. this chap thinks he is unbeatable

rchddap1

Ahhhh...didn't know that bit.

Hmmmm....thinking hat time.