can't afford a solicitor! help!

msmicawber

Do you have a Family Centre near you? If so, why not speak to them as they quite often have contact sessions for fathers. I believe that you can make an arrangement to leave your son there, then his Dad turns up and spends some time with him at the Centre, leaves, then you collect your son.

Maybe you could tell him that in future this is how contact will be done. That way you don't have to see him at all, you know your son's safe and the date, time and length of visit are controlled by you.

msmicawber

P.S. Sometimes they're in the phone book at PACT (parents and children together).

Bossyboots

djdido2 wrote:

where could i send my son for him to be picked up so i don't have to be there? that would be perfect! the bully has made it so he clicks his fingers and i jump.

i have tried every angle. being firm, giving as good as i get etc. none of it has worked. this chap thinks he is unbeatable

No that wasn't what I meant. I meant that neither your nor your son has to be there. Are you always at home when he texts? How would he know that? Next time he clicks his fingers you and your son should not be available. Eventually he will learn that he needs to pre-arrange contact to be sure of his son being free to see him. You don't have to do this every time, just often enough for him to understand that you could be doing other things and he needs to make proper arrangements.

djdido2

msmicawber wrote:

P.S. Sometimes they're in the phone book at PACT (parents and children together).

thats just brilliant. never thought of that. there is one just around the corner from me. never been in but i will do now i know they may be able to help.


quite frankly i think if it came to that he would not bother with access what so ever. this is directed towards me so he can watch me suffer, panic etc.

that opens a whole new can of worms but i can deal with it.

thank you for being there 4 me. respect! x

djdido2

Bossyboots wrote:

No that wasn't what I meant. I meant that neither your nor your son has to be there. Are you always at home when he texts? How would he know that? Next time he clicks his fingers you and your son should not be available. Eventually he will learn that he needs to pre-arrange contact to be sure of his son being free to see him. You don't have to do this every time, just often enough for him to understand that you could be doing other things and he needs to make proper arrangements.

he sent a text today saying " i will always find you". has alot of family around my area tht will do his dirty work for him. i think i have give in before when i have just needed that break from my son. and MR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE has turned the tables somewhat.

tried the not being in and that just winds him to the point that i get scared and "give in"

Bossyboots

djdido2 wrote:

he sent a text today saying " i will always find you". has alot of family around my area tht will do his dirty work for him. i think i have give in before when i have just needed that break from my son. and MR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE has turned the tables somewhat.

tried the not being in and that just winds him to the point that i get scared and "give in"

I can understand that. I know someone going through the same thing and just today he broke his police bail conditions and made contact with her. Not sure what a night in the cells will do to his mood but the police said they'll pick him up so she's a bit nervous now.

djdido2

he probably wont ever physically hurt me but the emotional abuse is just too much. and obviously the affect it will have on ds is not good.

Maranatha

Hi,

The thing to remember in all this is to be reasonable or at least seen to be reasonable. Denying him access might not be the answer unless you have grave concerns over his ability to look after your child or there is some other circumstance which would justify this stance. Remember, you may have to answer to court why you denied him access even if he doesn't have a formalised agreement. At the moment I would dictate to him what access you are prepared to give him and stick to it. Tell him if he wants to vary it you night not be opposed and listen to him. If you decide not to go along with it, just say no and refuse to get into an arguement with him. Tell him that he should apply to the court if he thinks your being unreasonable.

You say you can't afford a Solicitor, but you might qualify for legal aid. Most first interviews are free, why not phone one up and see. At that time they could tell you if you have to pay or not. There is a sliding scale. Obviously, it's difficult to determine how much one will charge as it's dependant on a lot of things including letters to him, phone calls, court appearances etc. £1500 is roughly the norm, but I know of other cases that run in thousands. It's like anything else, shop around. I've done this with them and it pays! If you explain to the Solicitor, IF you have to pay, that you are on a budget, he will let you pay it off over time, a year or two might not be unreasonable.

Just wish I could help face to face. I've done this for friends before and it helps tons - just listening.

Remember take control and you will feel better about things. Try to get out of the rut of automatically thinking x=y. There are plenty of various outcomes to actions and it will turn out that your worse case wont necessarily come true, normally somewhere in the middle, if that makes sense.

djdido2

thanks marantha.

i would never deny access at all. think i just misunderstood what you said.

i didnt qualify for legal aid last time and i earn more now so i definitely won't get it.

there was so much to say in my op that i missed but didnt want to make it too long. i think i was just looking for answers to stand up to him rather than take it through the legal route.

i wouldn't dream of denying access. though it doesn't make for very good parenting when he is threatening me.

there are some very quick, sharp witted sensible people on here so i needed a few pointers to make him back off a bit.

anyway, going to try the family centre and see what they say.

Bossyboots

Our local contact centre will only take a referral from a solicitor.

There has been a number of changes in the legal aid system in recent years. I can work out whether you would be entitled if you want to PM me your income (from all sources) and rent.