Registry Office vs Church Marriage

margaretclare

inkie wrote:

Thank the Lord! This is what churches should be all about offering warmth and welcome, not beating people about the head because thay don't conform to their (often man-made) standard!

Back to the OPs question. Why not look beyond the scope of the C of E, who as stated ealier have the resodential requirements for marriages in their parish. There are many churches that would love to perform your marriage, and most of them you will find offer a very personal service - rather than 'off pat' service.

Yes, ours was very personal and very individual. We both wanted it to be different from anything that had gone before. I'd had a traditional C of E wedding using the 17th century wording, he'd had 2 register office weddings - at one of them his best man was his accountant!!

There are certain words which have to be included to make it legal - on top of that, you can have whatever you like. We had the modern Methodist service which includes the legally-required declarations (1) that the 2 people are free to marry each other, and (2) the 2 people individually affirm before the assembled congregation, that they are willing to give themselves in marriage to each other. Basically, in the simplest of all register office weddings, these are all that is required to complete the marriage ceremony, and the registrar then declares that they are husband and wife.

We had decided not to have hymns, so we had some readings instead, from DH's daughter and stepdaughter. We chose to say the traditional old words 'for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health...' and we chose to exchange rings.

We'd had people saying to us 'oh, it doesn't much matter at your age, it doesn't matter what you wear etc'. Yes, it DOES. Any wedding is special and meaningful to the couple concerned, and whatever their parents/children/relatives have to say about it is of no consequence. We wanted to be married in church in front of God and we wanted it to be different from all other occasions in our previous lives.

DH's idea really was to have it very VERY quiet, just us, the minister and 2 church friends as witnesses. And we could have done that - the minister told me 'you can be as quiet as a little church mouse, my dear!' However I couldn't get married without some flowers and some music, and gradually more people got involved because we asked them to do things, then we invited them to the reception. Then we told family members - some made the effort to come, others waited for an official invitation (which didn't come!), others just came, some couldn't for genuine reasons. A lot of local people just came to the wedding but not to the reception because on the Sunday we'd said 'we'd love to see you all at the ceremony', but they didn't expect to come on to the reception.

Beforehand we had to go to the local registrar and 'declare our intention to marry' which involved each of us paying £30 and being interviewed separately (this is supposed to prevent fraudulent marriages). Then, 15 days later, we could be married.

Margaret

hobbesy_2

myangelannie wrote:

We've chosen to be married at our's (Guildford) and then plan to share a special evening/supper with the one's we love to celebrate.

I got married there! Its a lovely place. A lovely old building and numbers allowed were just right for close fmaily and friends. We still had our own music and readings and made it very personal to us. Good luck with it all and hope your day will be as special as ours


Also good luck to the op, wherever you choose will be special.


And without diving into the debate. I'm sorry but I don't feel my marriage means any less than those performed in the 'eyes of God'. I am not a christian but my belief and commitment to my marriage are as strong as anyone you could put before me

cupid_s

I was about to book a civil wedding at the botanical gardens near me then woke up in a panic the night before and had to wake up hubby (to-be) and tell him i needed a church wedding.
I'm not christian and have never been to church apart from with my primary school but do strongly believe in god. So we got married in a unitarian church. It was a beautiful church and they don't mind if you've been divorced. The fees also seem to be so much cheaper than C of E places.
Two of my best friends have recently got married. One had a church wedding and the other a civil wedding. Both were wonderful but the church wedding was a lot more emotional.
I am now planning a wedding for my sister, and she has told me under no circumstances will she get married in the register office as it's ugly. But I'm looking at both churches and civil venues for her.

Rachie_B

nearlyrich wrote:

I can't understand why people who have no belief in God want to get married in church, there are lots of lovely secular venues. It's nice to get married in a hotel with the reception just a short stroll away, they often have nice areas of garden for photographs.

.

i totally agree :rolleyes: ive seen so many friends and even my SIL have church weddings ,just for the whole "big white church wedding" !!! :rolleyes: like you cant have a nice "big" wedding with pretty photographs if its not a church wedding

they openly admit not having any religious beliefs and hated having to attend church on a few sundays !

there are some stunning venues for civil ceremonies :T we really enjoyed looking round all the venues when we were planning ( as mentioned look on hitched or use yell.com and enjoy some wkends visiting venues to see which you like / dont like ,can afford / not ! lol )

so its not just registry office or church wedding ,look at other options too

ShockingPink

I know you're a Goth, BS. A friend of mine had a beautiful Goth wedding at Muncaster Castle in Cumbria (no idea where you are, but it's also a lovely spot for a holiday!)http://www.muncaster.co.uk/web2006/weddings/weddings.html

The setting was just perfect for them, and they got the lovely photos too!

Murtle

Quote : Originally Posted by nearlyrichI can't understand why people who have no belief in God want to get married in church, there are lots of lovely secular venues. It's nice to get married in a hotel with the reception just a short stroll away, they often have nice areas of garden for photographs.



Sometimes, though not always - one of the pair are religious and so it's a case of compromising to meet boths desire. If my OH wanted to get married in a church, then I would certainly think about it for them. For me, I'm not fussed where I get married, so long as it's affordable - was going to say cheap - and we are both there.....OH is slightly more traditional though.....

BS : here is a link to look at venues

http://www.forbetterforworse.co.uk/venues.html

http://www.confetti.co.uk/category/view/7550.do

http://www.hitched.co.uk/venues/index.asp
as mentioned previously it is at the vicars discretion to marry you in church. A friends vicar wouldn't as she was divorced, although it was a church she had attended since being a child and was a regular attendee....

she found another church that would and is now a regular attendee there instead

seven-day-weekend

hobbesy wrote:

And without diving into the debate. I'm sorry but I don't feel my marriage means any less than those performed in the 'eyes of God'. I am not a christian but my belief and commitment to my marriage are as strong as anyone you could put before me

My husband and I were married in a registry office because at the time neither of us had any religious belief. Thirteen years later, when we'd both come to faith in Christ, we had a church blessing, but that wasn't because we felt our little registry office wedding was in any way invalid or unimportant. It was the day we publicly declared our love and commitment to each other and nothing will ever change that.

The reason we had the blessing was simply that, as new Christians, we wanted to retake our vows before God.

So we had two lovely occasions instead of one.

It's our 35th wedding anniversary today!

Murtle

Congratulations on 35 years Seven-day-weekend......

cupid_s

seven-day-weekend wrote:

It's our 35th wedding anniversary today!

Happy Anniversary!

black-saturn

I've just looked at what other venues you can get married in in my town and theres only one which is a hotel I used to work in. I don't think I could get married there as I used to work there and wasn't particularly happy when I worked there. In fact I hated it.

The church I want to get married in is a gothic church on a hill and you can see it from all over the town. It's not my local church.

I'm not picking it because I want a big white wedding. I just think that registry office weddings are over in 5 minutes and are less meaningful than a church wedding. My wedding will be anything but big. Were only inviting about 20 people and thats including me and my boyfriend and the bridesmaids. I'm not even wearing white, I'm wearing a gothic red dress with red floaty chiffon on it.

I've been to several registry office weddings and I blinked and missed it. I just don't think they mean much.

Before I met my intended I didn't think there was any need to get married. But now I want to show the world how much we mean to each other.