Registry Office vs Church Marriage

pboae

MonkeySaving? wrote:

I was aware of that however i was responding to the other poster regarding marriage as a Christian. So we're all established that marriage is a religious ceremony...the question still stands..why is it suitable for an athiest?

Marriage is a civil ceremony, one of many old practices hijacked by religions over the years. But aside from that, civil partnerships are not available for heterosexual couples. There are very many practical and rational reasons for marrying, as well as the very ancient desire to have your relationship recognised publically/officially.

I will bow out of this thread now however, black saturn is requesting practical advice, and I don't want this thread to get derailed.

Bluelad_2

We got married at our teams football ground - Our religion, and our church

emilyt

black-saturn wrote:

I could do with picking your brains. We are getting married in just under 2 year time and havn't booked a venue yet. We are deciding between getting married at the local registry office (5 minutes walk) or in a local church. From those of you who are married what's the pro's and cons of both?

Also would a church marry us as my intended is divorced?

Also I don't want to get married at the local church as it's horrible and would rather get married at another church in this town. Is this possible and how would you go about it?

Sorry for the questions.

All useful answers will be thanked.

Hi there Black Saturn,
First of all congratulations on your forth coming wedding.
My father in law is a vicar in a C of E church.
I can honestly say that the majority of people who get married in church are not regular church goers. Although they suddenly start coming to church about 6 weeks before the wedding. Then never bother again. This is of course their decision. Whether it be right or wrong.
You can get married in church if you have been married before. The way my father in law gets round this is that you will have to get married at the registry office first. Then have a blessing in church. No one will know that it is a blessing and there is no difference between that and the normal marriage ceremony.
You really need to speak to the vicar at the church that you want to get married at.At the end of the day the decision is in his hands as to whether or not he will marry a divorced person.
I have been to both church weddings and registry office weddings.
I personally like a church wedding. Just like everything that goes with it. Old building, flowers, choir, bell ringers. Just the general atmosphere.
Registry office weddings in my opinion are over too quick. But can be lovely just the same.
At the end of the day what is important is that you are marrying the person you love and you want to spend the rest of your life with. And to also have a beautiful memorable day.
I wish you good luck and hope you find the right venue for yourselves.
Best wishes
Emilyt

P.s Don't know why but for some reason i could imagine you getting married in a castle. A friend of mine did this last year and it was a wonderful wedding.

skintchick

BS - there are lovely hotels and castles all over teh country that do weddings. I'm sure you could find one that you like.

As a christian, I do object to non-christians using churches to get married in because they want somewhere pretty. A marriage in church is a marriage nefore God - why marry before Him if you don;t believe in Him?

the words in a civil wedding are different, and more appropriate to a non-believer ie they don;t mention God.

Hope you find somewhere lovely.

Dr.Lou

Hi,

Remember you don't have to get married at your local registry office, you can marry in any of them around the UK so long as you give your notice there. For example, our local RO was really grotty so we got married somewhere else which had a really nice RO and made a weekend of it away.

seven-day-weekend

Congratulations on your forthcoming marriage.

Some churches will marry divorced people, you need to ask the vicar/minister/pastor. Our pastor takes each case on its own merits and will interview the couple beforehand as to why they want to marry in church and will then make his decision. He conducted the marriage of my husband's cousin who'd been divorced twice. He also believes that if people are living together as a couple then they should be married.

However, I personally don't think you should be married in church if you are only doing it to get nice photographs - maybe a nice hotel/stately home would be better in this case if you don't want a registry office.

livinginhope

How about Somerleyton Hall BS,beautiful place for a wedding and only a few mins from you.Are you going with a goth theme?
We married in our local church which was wonderful,we are fairly religious but don't go to church,the vicar didn't mind as we used to drink with him at our local pub and don't think he wanted to refuse us,he did refuse our friends though for not attending on a regular basis.

margaretclare

Hi all, can I add my fourpence:

My younger daughter got married in church in 1993. She didn't want the local church - they were unfriendly to her on one occasion she went there. So she chose the church in the next town. To get married there she and her fiance had to become church members, and that involved regular attendance for 6 months. They had their wedding there and it was lovely, but also, they'd become part of that church community, he was invited to join the bell-ringing team and they went to garden parties etc. After the wedding they never darkened the doors of any church again.

I got married in 2002 - it wasn't a problem for me, I was widowed, any church would have married me. My DH was something different. He'd been brought up in a different religion even though he'd 'married out' and they don't forgive that. He was married twice in register offices, very quick, hardly anyone there, the bride wore a suit - he didn't want that again. When he moved in with me in 1997 we started going to our local Methodist church together and we found the warmest and most genuine Christian welcome. He got his second divorce in 1999 but couldn't face getting married again for some while. When he did, it was natural to get married in the church we both went to regularly, and we had a lovely wedding in January. What made it so very special was the people we knew at church who helped. One lady did the flowers, another couple played the music CD, a lot of the regular churchgoers attended. The oldest man in the church gave me away and one of the youngest was my ring-bearer. It's not a very spectacular little church, very plain and simple, no parking because of where it is, but the atmosphere was wonderful - the love and friendliness made it a marvellous joyous occasion. We invited people to lunch in a local pub/restaurant (including the woman minister), 18 of us sat down to a nice lunch, some family members and church friends all together.

I'm very much against the idea of getting married in church 'because it will look nice on the photos'. There has to be more to it than that.

BTW I was a practising Catholic until I met DH. As the song says 'Love changes everything...' We couldn't have married there because he was divorced. They had a most peculiar way of looking at things. In their eyes his second marriage hadn't happened, his first marriage (19 years and 2 children) would have had to be annulled and that would have to be decided in Rome. He'd have had to join the Catholic Church, that involved a long education process and baptism at Easter. I couldn't ask him to jump through all those hoops! So we went looking for a church that would welcome us as we are and where we could ultimately marry. We found it in the Methodist Church.

Our minister came to see us and she questioned us pretty closely on the reasons why his second marriage broke up. If I had been the cause of the break-up - if he left her to be with me - she might not have agreed to marry us. With Methodists it doesn't come from Rome, it's down to your personal conscience. I was able to convince her that his previous marriage was dead long before he ever met me, for many other reasons. I was just the 'port in a storm' and he turned up on my doorstep like a refugee, having decided that he'd given it his best shot and he couldn't take any more. Even that woman's daughter says her mother is a 'schizo'.

So that was what happened to us! If you're divorced but want a church wedding, try the Nonconformist churches. But it really does all depend on what your personal beliefs are and that's what should be the guiding principle.

Margaret

inkie

we started going to our local Methodist church together and we found the warmest and most genuine Christian welcome.

Thank the Lord! This is what churches should be all about offering warmth and welcome, not beating people about the head because thay don't conform to their (often man-made) standard!

Back to the OPs question. Why not look beyond the scope of the C of E, who as stated ealier have the resodential requirements for marriages in their parish. There are many churches that would love to perform your marriage, and most of them you will find offer a very personal service - rather than 'off pat' service. I am marrying a couple next year, and they have been to book the registrar, and the registrars are falling over themselves as to who will come to the wedding, as they love to come to weddings within our denomination.

A marriage in church is a marriage nefore God - why marry before Him if you don;t believe in Him?

As for the arguament of not having a church wedding if you aren't a church goer - I marry people within the community who do not come to church, as I see it a priviledge to be involved in this significant live event and to speak of and demonstrate God's love in this way. Afterall, a marriage is a marriage in God's eye's regardless of the location of the wedding and whether people believe in him - just because people don't believe in God doesn't mean that God doesn't recognise it as marriage...however, lets stear clear of the deep theological debate!I would take the oppertunity to pop into any local churches that you may find suitable from a practical point of view and have a chat with the minister there.

Where abouts are you?

myangelannie

Just a quick note to add my best wishes and hope your wedding, whatever venue you chose, is a day you and your loved one cherish. That's really all it comes down too ... each other. The "where" and the "who attends" is all secondary. This should be YOUR special day. Make it one you both will truly remember, but for the right reasons - not the venue, the pcitures, the weding gown...

I'm from the U.S. and my fiance is British. We are both divorced. The one thing I would remind you of, it when you draw closer to your time and go to the register's office to declare your intentions, have ALL your paperwork in-hand. You can also often see pictures online of the local register's office where they hold ceremonies. We've chosen to be married at our's (Guildford) and then plan to share a special evening/supper with the one's we love to celebrate. Even if all you have is questions, the local register's office can be amazingly helpful.

Enjoy your special day and make this decision TOGETHER, with your love for one another as the main focus! *warm hugs* :grinheart