Dumb in debt and danger

Pollycat

jo6
your post is really heart-breaking.

FWIW, I think your debt problems pale into insignificance against the abusive bully that is your husband.
To break HIS hand against YOUR forehead is just unbelievable violence.

You've had some good advice about organisations you can go to for help - please seriously consider leaving this brute.

Someone asked if the debts were in yours or joint names - please let us know more about this.

AND - although you say:

I got us into debt

he needs to take some responsibility (although he probably won't) for this situation, unless you were spending silly money on 'stuff' and it doesn't sound like it to me.

Take care.

Norfolk_Jim

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Any man who strikes his wife is not worthy of the title husband - he's divorced you with his fists. Please think first about your own safety because once a man lashes out like that he has lost all respect for you and will do it again and again. You really need some good advice and hopefully there will be some good suggestions here to investigate. Good luck.

ItMightBeUsefulOneDay

You need to leave the house now (if you haven't done already) and get yourself and your children to a place of safety. That is the one and only priority now. Never mind the debt, all that can be sorted at a later stage. Your physical safety and that of your children is the only thing to think of now.

Get away from the computer, grab your children and leave. Do it now.

If you need there will be a women's refuge safe-house nearby who can give you and your children a place to escape to and sort out the rest without the fear of violence hanging over you. If you decide to go to a member of the family, pick one far enough away that you're not going to bump into your husband whilst out at B&Q or wherever.

I've seen enough cases like this to be sure of one thing: He will do it again. And again. And again. And again. You and your children are in danger. Get out.

TakingControl

Dear Jo6,

I am sorry to read about your situation and I truly understand having been there myself. If you look at my signature, I have more debts than you but with the help from here and determination these will be a thing of the past by 2015.

I have been in a abusive (mentally and physically) relationship and I can so see myself in your posting. You are finding excuses for him and admit its all your fault, but it isn't. It is his fault, not yours.

He is the one who is bullying you, he is the one who is hitting you and no, when they say 'I am sorry it will never happen again', it is just a coy to make you feel sorry for him and stay with him, because it will happen again.

It might have been 'just' a couple of black eyes for you this time, but what about next time? Maybe a broken nose? Or maybe a cracked rib?

You are not alone, you have your children and your family, what has he got? No one once you take that step and leave.

A house is only brick and water, your life, happyness and well being is far more important. And once you are in a safe place away from him, you can make plans and tackle the debts and with luck a lot of it will be either in joint or his name and he will have to take responsibility.

If you ever want a natter, feel free to PM me. You are not alone and it is not your fault, what ever he says.

:grouphug:

Mode1803

OMG - this is a very sad post but I have heard of similar situation (friends of the family)

I can only echo the thoughts of others on here and sympathise with the difficult decisions you will need to make. Despite the issues you have it will still not be easy to walk away from your whole life. Is there a middle ground, outside help (hate to mention the "counselling" word) but is has helped other I know.

I think your acknowledgement of the issue is a big step.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

Mode

jo6

Thanks everyone,

The debts are in both names I cant believe that I have finally decided to do this but I have an appointment with the housing executive tomorrow and i am trying to get things of importance out and into my mums garage without him noticing because after 22 years there is a lot of stuff!!!

He doesnt hit the kids but would be quite nasty and be quite intimidating. Hes not all bad and can be quite good but there is no greys areas its either black, white and my fault.

Dont even know what the money was spent on but everytime he argues about it the amount gets higher (in his head) and I am just a leech.

Think I have decided to go but have to do it carefully and I cant thank you all enough for your support.

Jo

winner12

Hi
Did not know what to say earlier have been waiting for your response to the posts it is all your decision you have to decide when the right time is for you go what you want to take and what you can leave behind I think your decision was made when you first posted here this morning you can make it on your own this is your strength and you will find each day your confidence will grow so stand tall good luck where ever you go and find peace its an amazing feeling what ever shape or form it takes

Norman_Bean

Good Luck Jo x

Mr.Mulla

Jo, don't let yourself be abused like that. No human being should suffer such condition. You have a choice which is to leave. Use that. You have your parents who can help you, they won't deny you that, so go to them. End your marriage with this man and start your life again. You still have hope to make yourself and your life better. Don't lose that.

Warm hug for you.

mrs_tooti-frooti

Jo, your kids safety as well as your own is paramount. Fantastic news about the appt tomoro, well done.

Forget the debt until you and the children are safe. Please go ahead and move. This will not get better and for every day you are there you are in danger.

If you want a chat please pm me and I'll get back to you when its convenient for you to talk

Jan xx