I would really like a 3rd baby

lizzie_dripping

peachyprice wrote: »

Something for you to ponder:

Do you want another baby or do you want another child?

Thank you for that. You just helped me to put something into perspective.

RoxieW

I've got 3 - the older two are only a year apart and it was a difficult decision to have a third. They were both at school at things were easy in that they both go to the same clubs, will enjoy the same days out, films, holidays (well, to an extent lol - perhaps not always enjoy but they will be suitable for both of them if that makes sense). We also had plenty of money to go round, I was going to go back to work etc. There were so many reasons not to have another one. We had to buy a bigger car. We need a bigger house. There's 3 of them to feed and clothe and I'm split 3 ways constantly which his difficult. And I have to be honest and say my OH wasn't 100% on board. He said it was my decision but that he was happy with two. However, I just couldn't shake that feeling np matter how many reasons there were not to. So we went for it and it's working out fine. My OH especially adores the little one and has really bonded with him in a way which he found difficult when the older two were born. His older brothers also dote on him and it's brought out their nurturing side and developed their patience lol. And it hasn't actually been as difficult as I thought to please them all. I think the baby keeps the older two young which is no bad thing nowadays and they all just have to learn that they can't be suited all the time an d sometimes they have to compromise.
All in all, it's working out quite well and our little one really lights up our household. That said I definitely dont want any more! Three is enough for anyone to handle!

ellay864

Years ago a work colleague was in the reverse situation to you...they had a son and daughter and her hubby really wanted a 3rd though she was happy with 2 (and at this stage the eldest was only coming up to 4!). After a lot of talking she came round to the idea of a 3rd and, as with the other 2, fell pregnant very quickly.....only to find she was carrying triplets :eek:
5 children aged 5 and under was something she hadn't prepared for!!!

meritaten

I had a surprise third pregnancy and cannot imagine life without my youngest son. he was challenging to say the least! and yes, life changed, but it would have anyway as husband was on strike when baby was six months old!
but, we have coped and tbh - he is a lovely person and a lovely son - but still challenging! I really think that out of the three kids he has taught me the most, about myself and about bringing up children. I believe I was MEANT to have him!
but, my Oh immediately on hearing I was having No3 arranged to have a vasectomy. NO MORE BABIES! I agreed to that but I am not sure that I would have been happy if at TWO children I was told no more.
are you just feeling broody looking at friends newborns OR do you really feel that YOUR family isnt complete? cos I always did feel that three was my ideal number of children (being one of three kids). if you really feel that a baby would complete the family then can you compromise a bit? wait a couple of years and if you still feel the same way, then would OH be happier about the decision?
that way the youngest would be in nursery and you would have more time to devote to the baby and it would show your husband that you werent acting on a whim.

Emmamumof2

Thanks all - not checked in for a day or so! I do feel like we aren't quite a complete family but thats not to say if we didnt agree to try for a 3rd that I would end up resentful or not be extremely grateful for the gorgeous two kids we have, and each other! I am taking the advice of those who have said to wait - I decided to see how I feel in a year, if its still weighing on my mind we will have another discussion and see how we both feel then!

****kara****

yes I agree with waiting when me and OH met we agreed to two kids. After I had my son and daughter I got incredibly broody for another but only for a baby NOT a child lol. I had to fight my feeling for years and soon come to the realisation that I don't think I could handle another baby/child as well as my 2. Plus all the extra expense etc I'm just grateful for the 2 I have got

OH had a vasectomy friday so theres no chance now :rotfl:

youngest started school this year and I'm now enjoy being 'Kara' time instead of just mum:D

mishkanorman

i have 2 boys who are close together in age at 5 and 7, I always said if we had 2 boys I would like a 3rd child and my OH has never said no but he has never been enthusiastic about it (he wasnt the first 2 times either !) i think now though the 3rd child would miss out on the bond my 2 boys have, they share everything and are almost like twins.

I feel ive left it a little late to be doing all the baby stuff of night feeds again, nappies, pushchair etc just because its been a while since ive had to, my life has changed and i now go out when i please its no big drama just to get out the door !

Having said that i can see the downsides to it I still have a deep feeling of 'loss' like part of me is missing, i cant describe it in any other way than to say im grieving for the child i will never have. It sounds so dramatic but its how ive felt for a long time now !

jellyhead

My husband doesn't want a third child either.

We compromised by me getting a mirena coil, and us deciding that we'd talk about it later, he suggested 3 years. I've had the coil in for more than 4 years now and it's clear that he just doesn't want a 3rd child and is unlikely to change his mind.

I think that deep down I want a BABY and he is thinking ahead to not wanting a 3rd child. I miscarried an unplanned 3rd when my 2nd was a baby, and this is what made us decide on the coil - because I wanted to try again and he didn't. We'd never planned to have 3 children - the idea was always to have 2. He talks about future holidays etc. and the thought of a baby never enters his head, he really doesn't want one.

You never know though, after a breather your husband might change his mind. It doesn't have to be decided now.

Emmamumof2

You're right it doesn't have to be decided now - I have the implant in my arm - had it in straight after the birth of my 2nd baby so its been in 2 years, due for taking out in one year which may then prompt the conversation! There was talk of hubby having the snip so I would think we will make the decision next year when my implant is "up for renewal"! Interesting to hear other peoples views on it and personal experiences - thank you for sharing!

onlyroz

I think a conflict often arises in stay-at-home-mums when their youngest reaches school-age. Mum suddenly starts feeling useless because she's at home with not a lot to do anymore. So the choice seems to be to either carry on as they are pottering about in an empty house, to get a job (and hence feel like you're losing your "mum" identity), or to fill up the house with another baby.

In these circumstances I'd say that most of the time you're better off finding something more productive to do with your life, rather than feeling that the only thing you're good at is raising babies.