I would really like a 3rd baby

Emmamumof2

We are a married couple with 2 children, 6 years married, son who is just 5 (conceived 4 months after marriage) and 2 year daughter - both planned.
I really really would like a 3rd - we live in a house big enough and can afford to have a 3rd, thankfully, but my hubby isnt as keen as me - he says now our daughter is almost out of nappies that in a year or so we will have more dependence and he doesnt really want to consider a 3rd.
Whilst I consider what he is saying carefully I also think he is being a little short sighted -
Has anyone else had a 3rd when their other hasnt been as keen and got any words of wisdom - bad or good - perhaps I need a reality check not him but also perhaps he is being a little bit quick to say definitely no - I would never consider going behind his back, I want it to be a joyous realisation if we did decide to go for it and have another, but if we dont I would also like to think that would be a joint decision rather than me feeling like he just says no - if you know what I mean.
I hate when people say, but you have one of each why would you want another!? My decision would not be any different if I had two boys or two girls, my desire is based purely upon wanting another little one -
Help!

Sambucus_Nigra

Alternatively; how about a joint decision rather than him feeling like you are just saying 'yes'?

LilacPixie

Why do you want a third?? Your husbands reservations around how you daighter is now past the 'baby stage' and a little less dependent is a very valid feeling. I think to term that as short sighted is unfair on your husband.

sooz

We have an unplanned 3rd. Was a huge shock. We love her to bits, but she has made huge changes to our lives. New car, new house, less holidays (rooms for 5 are near impossible).

More than anything I find I don't have enough hands, or time. We will, & have to cope, but all our lives certainly would have been easier without her. However, she's changed our lives in many positive ways too....patience is a virtue, right?? And I'm no longer so outnumbered by boys in the family.

I'd still love another one, mad as it sounds, as she's growing up I want another baby. But I don't want another child.

delain

We've just had an unexpected no 4 :eek: and you do manage. OH had always said no more kids, between us we had enough, then he just asked out of the blue in january if he should have the snip to take the hassle of organising contraception out of it for me, because he'd been thinking about it and wanted to know what my feelings were because if I wanted a baby he wouldn't do it! When I asked him if he was really up for that (because it was such a huge U turn) he just said if he wasn't up for it he wouldn't have asked. To say I was shocked was an understatement. About a week later we found I was pregnant when we had that conversation :rotfl: she was the closest I've ever had to a planned pregnancy

I also do think your husband's concerns are valid, why not enjoy your lives a bit and get some space, it's not like you can't wait a year or two, then your others will be at school and you will have time to do things with the baby, if you decide between you to have one

Emmamumof2

Thank you for all of your comments - I really do want it to be a joint decision and I know it would change a lot of lifestyle choices such as holidays and cars etc, and that time would be spread more thinly!
I certainly do want it to be something we would be doing together and I dont necessarily want it to happen immediately - Id be more than happy to wait until next year.
I think I will keep the communication open on it and hope that we reach a decision that ultimately we are both happy with and that will be right for our family unit. Although it doesnt help when everyone around you seems to be having babies at the moment! Probably a good reason why I am broody!!

Mupette

Emmamumof2 wrote: »

Thank you for all of your comments - I really do want it to be a joint decision and I know it would change a lot of lifestyle choices such as holidays and cars etc, and that time would be spread more thinly!
I certainly do want it to be something we would be doing together and I dont necessarily want it to happen immediately - Id be more than happy to wait until next year.
I think I will keep the communication open on it and hope that we reach a decision that ultimately we are both happy with and that will be right for our family unit. Although it doesnt help when everyone around you seems to be having babies at the moment! Probably a good reason why I am broody!!

You seem happy to accepts the lifestyle changes.

What about your children, are they happy to have fewer holidays?

I don't think your hubby is being unreasonable, you have one of each.

You need to think past the broodiness you have.

Could you / would you stop at 2 what happens if you have a 3rd, will you want to equal it out and go for 4?

If hubby is saying no now, just drop it, don't mention it, if he brings it up later then fine, but don't use emotional blackmail on him,
whether you have another or not, it will seem people around you are forever having babies.

DianneB

Sorry but your post made me smile!! As a mom of 5 (youngest 15 yrs) I finally realise that they never really get independant, your in this for life!! There is more to come after the changing nappies and lugging buggies about!!

Kate78

OK, here's a different perspective.

Growing up in a family of three kids the refrain "there's only two of them" when your parents couldn't afford stuff that all your classmates have gets really boring really quickly.

Also it's really annoying when you go to a place and a "family ticket" presumes 2 kids.

I've never felt the urge to have children of my own (broodiness is it called?) so I'm not going to comment on that!

peachyprice

Something for you to ponder:

Do you want another baby or do you want another child?

gratefulforhelp_2

I'm expecting my third. Took DH a long while to be sure he wanted another. He didn't ever say no, but he wasn't sure.

When he finally was sure, I kind of wished he had decided sooner, but I'm getting what I want (!) so not too much to moan about.

DH is a proper brilliant Dad, too - does loads.