Life after bankruptcy?

ani_26

beanielou wrote: »

I tried to get the stamps~& failed :rotfl:

I guess that means no xmas card for me, then?


Actually, i saved more than £3.60. £5.04? :eek: Even though i can't really "afford" them in the first place, it's an offer not to be sneezed at? Atishoo.....


There has been alot of controversy regarding who qualifies? It has to be said, i wouldn't have known about this offer, but for mse, so at least i have this site to thank for that. :A

ani_26

I guess people are too tied up with their own problems and their own lives? I heard it said yesterday, and i say it myself. It's rush, rush, rush, make money? And when it's not rush, rush, rush, it's time to spend money? Most people fear the unknown, so they fear death? or they have an inherent desire to live? Why? How many people have an inherent desire to die? Why? Life or death? What's the difference?

ani_26

Like the uk used to be 20 years ago? Longer than that, probably. One of the things i hate about life, is how the world and this country, has changed these days. And i no longer wish to be part of it. Has it really changed that much. Hasn't it changed for the better. Has it, heck. Do i live too much in the past? In past ideals? Did they really exist? Do people who really care, exist? No, they don't. It's all an illusion. I put a face to name, the other day. The kindest face you ever saw? Strange really. Not that far removed from my face?

I hate this time of the year. The adverts have started with a vengeance. How we are supposed to look, what we are supposed to wear, what we are supposed to eat, what presents we must buy, what sofa we must sit on? Happy families, all having the most perfect time? Some may? Most won't? God. I hate xmas and new years eve. It just serves to make you feel even more alone, for an additional two months of the year.

ani_26

Dya know what? I do rational things, whilst i'm still having irrational thoughts. Wasn't that what happened last time? and the time before, and the time before...........

I'm so fed up of middle classness. What is middle class? How do you define it? Having a certain job? Having a certain income? Having a certain education? Living in a certain place? Owning more than one home? Owning one home? Have a certain education? Having a certain pooch? Dressing in a certain way? Driving a certain car? Having certain ambitions? Definitely not having my ambition. Yes, the one ambition. Ambition probably is the wrong word to use, in this instance.


This time last year. This time last year it's just occurred to me i was still homeless. This time last year i had no knowledge or inkling of how " the other half lived?" I had no knowledge of the benefits system and welfare state, even then. Now i have a b*y degree in it? What has got me this far, as although i'm " supposed" to be ill, few people "see" me as that. Why? Probably, because i'm sick of people saying i'm intelligent. What is intelligent? I have lots of life experience and common sense. Common sense. Something sadly lacking in many people, particularly, the intelligent? Because i'm hypothetically "intelligent?" ( i've never classed myself as intelligent.) There were always people who were more "intelligent" and successful, than me, particularly at school. More of a philosopher?

If anything i've learnt from these past few years, is that probably, i should be writing a book on how to live sensibly and frugally. I should become the councillor i wanted to become, because these things need someone to stand up for the rights of (the) very, common people, or those who can't or can't be bothered to stand for what they believe in. I should go down the route of helping people less fortunate than others, to help themselves, be it through poverty or illness. Or both. I could have gone to bed and never got out again. Who would have helped ME, then? No one. I'm back to worrying about my benefits stopping in two weeks time, and i still don't know how much i'm receiving? Because that's what they said, all those months ago, despite the award. Maybe it's getting to my subconscious? I don't know how i've made it this far. I'm supposed to be thankful i've made it this far? I'm supposed to be thankful for life? There's alot of supposes in this life.

ani_26

Waiting to see if my benefits will stop, is seriously getting to me. I've only just got it sorted? After almost a whole year of fighting, yes fighting for arguably, my "rights?" that very first letter said the payments were only up until november. I'm already paying a huge amount back, on a weekly basis. I wish i knew. I don't even know what the payments are, as i haven't received a payment yet, nor a letter of award. This is no way to live. It's just no way to live. I'm too tired to continue the battle. I still have no motivation to continue the battle. I was looking at the bumph from age** last night. They have a befrienders service. Someone to make contact with you once a week. Someone to talk with, play games with, whatever. Social interaction. Something grossly missing in my life, apart from this stupid diary. There's definitely something wrong with me. I always knew there was.

beanielou

ani~There is nothing wrong with you.
You are just under a huge amount of stress.

suburbanwifey

Sending you a hug Ani xx

ani_26

beanielou wrote: »

ani~There is nothing wrong with you.
You are just under a huge amount of stress.

Which means i say things in the wrong way, i don't know what i'm saying. Imagine what it's like in the big wide world. Everything i say is the wrong thing and taken the wrong way because people dont understand illness or know someone is ill?

Why does the stress never get any less?

I shouldn't be "talking" in an environment i can't cope with.

ani_26

Stress is a killer, isn't it? There is only one way to get rid of pain and not spread it.

suburbanwifey

ani_26 wrote: »

Stress is a killer, isn't it? There is only one way to get rid of pain and not spread it.

I hope you are OK Ani, I've read your entire thread over the past few days whilst I have been laid up in bed recovering from some surgery. I know you feel hopeless and that it can never get better but you know, life is always a series of ups and downs for most people (even very rich people and famous people, they don't really handle life or relationship problems much better than most of us, which is why a high percentage of them cover their feelings with drugs of various kinds or abuse alcohol etc. which goes to show, lots of money doesn't always bring inner happiness or peace)

You need to learn to think differently, work on your psychological strength, that's where true happiness and peace can be found. I would help you in that way if I could, but I don't know who you are and on a public forum that's the right way it should be, so you can be open, honest and secure. I know you've got a new secure home now (well done! I'm so pleased for you) and that you now have a stable income (that you deserve! let no one tell you differently, you've paid your way in life to the point when it all fell apart, now its time for the State to help you, that's what I pay a huge amount in taxes and NIC for) you can start to rebuild your life and your self-confidence. As your self-confidence increases, so will your happiness and ability to deal with the cra*p that life throws at us all.

Death isn't an answer, its the end. There is no afterlife, there is just nothing. We all get just one shot at this thing we call life and it passes far too quickly for most of us. Life can be hard but it can be beautiful and getting through hard times can build a character that is awesome and an empathy that can help others when they need it.

If you want my help, I'm here for you. If you don't, I just wish you the best and will continue to watch your journey on here. I know you can make it, I hope you choose to xx