Life after bankruptcy?

Aesop

ani, as Beanie would say, keep on plodding.

I know you are struggling right now, but make sure you get out in the garden. You will enjoy smelling those beautiful daffodils and seeing them up close instead out of the window.

you know everyone is routing for you to get better and feel better about yourself.

if you pm me, you can have b to b. Will put in post today.

beanielou

Here just to say keep- plodding xx

ani_26

Tomorrow is almost here. The only goal i have been aiming for. I'm struggliing with everything now, to the extent i realise i shouldn't even be driving. Ani. I've got this urge to wash ani. The only thing i truly cared about. The only thing i have which still is part of who i was. Covered in a layer of dust. I have this urge to see ani all sparkling and pristine, again. Some may not understand my passion for cars. In fact most don't. Each to his own, huh? Get rid, get rid. Well, you can't afford to run any car on benefits, huh, let alone ani. Benefits? I'm not in receipt of benefits and i've no income from work. I'm " living " off the last of my pay from work. I suppose i am " living " now. I'm not paying any bills, but i am buying other things now, Like food. And flowers. Flowers, flowers, flowers. I bought some seeds for some sweet peas and lavender, yesterday. I shouldn't feel too guilty. It cost less than £2. But its a bit pointless, as i'll never see them grow. * bought some flowers. How strange. They've never bought themselves flowers. The garden is already "done" here. It just needs maintaining. Ml on countdown. Don't you get fed up of hearing about money saving and financial education? There's another world out here that many people don't realise exists.

ani_26

I'm still trying to keep my mind working as my physical being has all but closed down. I don't have the energy to do anything, anymore, so how can i wash ani. I don't have the energy to go walking. All those walks i had planned. Its a no no to physical activity. I've been trying to walk to the park, but i didn't manage that, yesterday. I'm just so exhausted. All these people who said there's lots of help out there? I hadn't spoken to anyone for several days, except one person who rang last night. Only because they want some work stuff returning. They didn't ask how i am. When am i returning to work. Work is a thing of the past. Its too stressful and it doesn't pay. They don't understand how i'm feeling, at all. I don't think anyone does. Which is good news for me. My thoughts are so dark now, its no longer appropriate for mse, so i'm thinking of starting another diary, as its the only contact i can have with expressing myself, and the only contact with the outside world. All these names i've grown to recognise, but don't actually know. All have their own story, but they all seem to be aiming for a place which has passed me by. Or maybe i've overtaken it.

MatyMoo

All I can do is send you hugs and tell you that people do care about you.

miggy

Good to hear from you again Ani. Also good to hear about the seeds - I don't know about lavender but I think sweet peas would like to be planted quite soon. Do they need soaking first? I can't be sure but it probably says on the packet.

You'll wash the car when you're ready (good that you still have her - washed or not). I'm clueless about cars but I made an exception the other day - someone had parked a Jensen C V8 Mk III near our car. I just stopped and prowled admiringly round it. Gorgeous. For a moment there I really got the thing about cars.

I imagine you're so tired as a reaction to everything you've been through. Wish I could help but apart from the virtual EG all I can say is that will pass. What happened to the benefits?

By the way did you ever get a blood test done? (Nag nag - sorry - if it comes across as that it isn't meant to).

Enjoy your daffs - my mini white ones are coming out now. Lovely.

ani_26

Can't be bothered to do anything with the sweet pea seeds, now i've got them. Went back to bed and spent most of the day in bed. Ah well. It just makes me realise all my life was centred around work, such as it was. If i don't go out to work, i don't speak to another human being. How sad is that?

Yes, i did have a blood test when i was in hospital. They also said my blood pressure was very high, but didn't follow it up.

Nothing happened re the benefits. Obviously, i've not been working for a few weeks, but i simply can't be arised to fill in anymore forms, so i've currently no income, well, i've less than £100 per month wtc.They had just reduced it, for some inexplicable reason. That won't pay one weeks rent, let alone anything else. Never mind, i don't plan on staying here long.


Oh, and i had my appeal for housing benefit, rejected. No surprises there, then

kerri_gt

i just wanted to pop in and say hello Ani, just to let you know i'm thinking of you - I actually thought of you on Sun, i bought myself a bunch of daffs, they are now sitting on my windowsill and remind me of you telling us about your garden full of them.

I don't think you're alone in the fact that your path doesn't cross folk on a day to day basis, if I counted how many people i spoke to on a regular basis outside of work I think I'd be suprised at how few it is.

Start writing a second diary if you feel like you need/want to, it can help just to have an outlet for thoughts - almost like letting them out of your head so they don't swirl around like a big whirlpool.

Big hugs xx

miggy

Could the SW take on the assorted forms?

ani_26

Got today over and done with. Its a struggle to integrate with a soceity to which i no longer belong. And as for stupid effin ani