Life after bankruptcy?

Aesop

Ani, said it before, this is your diary, post what you want, when you want, how you want (subject to MSE rules of course )

You have said before it is your way of working through your thoughts. I hope you are doing that.

Are you sure you are not slightly depressed? Your Dr maybe wrong, you are going through a lot at the moment.

beanielou

Blimey that sounds as if it was tough.
Glad the tests are over & hope the results are ok.
If you want a Mr T voucher just give me a shout.
Take care.

ani_26

jen_br wrote: »

But you can always have this one locked and start a PART 2!

Thanks jen_br. I was going to start a completely new one.

ani_26

Aesop wrote: »

Ani, said it before, this is your diary, post what you want, when you want, how you want (subject to MSE rules of course )

You have said before it is your way of working through your thoughts. I hope you are doing that.

Are you sure you are not slightly depressed? Your Dr maybe wrong, you are going through a lot at the moment.

I'm sure i'm more than slightly depressed, tonight.

But thanks Aesop xx

ani_26

Thanks Maty and beanie xx

Have you ever got to the place where you think you're hungry, but you don't feel like eating? I don't feel like eating anymore, regardless.

Thanks to you, both x

MatyMoo

I know what you mean about not wanting to eat. When I feel like that the odd thing is that if someone else cooks it and puts it in front of me I will wolf it down.

I really think it is another form of depression or control. You don't have control over the rest of your life so you subconsciously control what food you eat.

But as long as you keep your fluid intake up you will be fine

Maty
-x-

ani_26

I've removed that stupid signature. It does'nt matter how much you believe in the universe, that the universe is what? What a load of codswallop.You've got to be a realist. None of this namby pamby stuff. People repeatedly keep saying the same thing. Don't you hear me, i've bloody done it. I'm not thick. I'm not stupid. I've got off my a***, and i've largely kept working through all of this. I work harder than anyone else. Everyone knows that. I'm not thick, i'm intelligent. I KNOW who to go to for help. I've done it all, cab, benefits agency, I'VE DONE IT ALL.THERE IS NO HELP FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME. The people who don't have a ' proper' job, or even a ' proper ' self employed job . It does'nt matter how hard you try, or how hard you work, You can't make things happen, that are out of your hands. Just think postitively, and think ah well something will happen in its place, thats equally nice. Its not true. The hard truth is, i desperately need the £700 i earned six weeks ago, in my bank account. The fact is, i can't make it appear in my account any quicker. I've tried. It will be paid, when someone feels like paying it. If i had that money in my account, the outlook for next week, would be so different.


As it is, i feel despair tonight. I don't feel sorry for myself, because i know theres nothing more i can do. All i can do is sob. Perhaps theres no place for me on mse. Because most seem to be people who have some money, however little, fighting to make the best of what they have, or the little money they have. But when you have nothing, its dehumanising. I'm only a little above the homeless you see everyday. I'm an ordinary person. I've gone to work. I've earnt money. But i don't have any of it, yet. I checked my account 3 times, today. Still the same amount, well, i did get it wrong. I'm the proud owner of £5.45. I can't withdraw it, because i'd have to buy something, in order to do so. Or pay to park my car, or catch the bus, to the bank. I don't want to lose my bank account. Anyway i thought i might have some pay due on monday. I rang them today, and yes, it is monday. I've only worked for them recently, but some is due. But not enough to pay the rent, which is due on monday. £50 short. Whatever the resolution, theres no money for me, on monday. Its all rent. I'm completely stuffed. No food money, no petrol money, no more money to go out to work. Thats it. Theres only so much you can do, and i've done it all. I'm house bound from next week. I give up. I can't even post the work back i've done. I can't even afford a stamp, let alone postage and sd. I've just sent my last one, and ' only ' got a proof of posting. So if it gets lost in the post, i won't get paid for it. Thats a risk i'll have to take. I NEED MY £700. I'm living in the real world, but i wish i was'nt. Bloody 6 weeks, so far.


I could'nt log in tonight, as i automatically logged in as Nohope. What did i change my name for? I've still no wish to be alive, because i can't honestly say i'm living. I would sell my car this weekend, but i know realitically, theres no chance of that. I KNOW the moneys got to start coming in, in march, by the law of averages. But what do i do until then? I don't want to eat anymore. How long would it take to starve yourself? Realistically? All i could smell last night was curry and fish and chips. People must have been buying curry and fish and chips , in the cafe. Going in, ordering food, paying for it,and eating it. Oh that curry did smell good. But i doubt i could eat it, if there was a plate in front of me, now. I'm just not hungry. And that part of me starts to think maybe its for the best,again, if the results turn out adverse, and maybe it really is the god, that i don't believe in, gods way. My neighbours spent years trying to convert me, to see the light, to accept god into my life, but i could never understand how you switched that switch, and there god was. Good old god. Maybe i've got more of a scientific brain, then i ever thought i had, because you have to look at things in real terms, as they are. I never thought i was that sort of a person, but maybe i was wrong. They said i would go to hell, if i did'nt accept god into my life before i died, but i thought that was the most un - christian thing that anyone could ever say. Does'nt god accept everyone for who they are? both the weak and the poor? He does'nt sound very charitable, this god, and nor do christians. Should'nt we all love one another? I'm not convinced there is a heaven or a hell, anyway. I was talking to a colleague who believed the universe was full of spirits, and you could choose your next life form, on earth. I'm not convinced about that one either. Part of me says you just die and your body rots away, gets eaten by maggots whatever. Even though i believe in spirits, i'm not sure i believe in my spirit, or the power of my own spirit. Do i even have one?

beanielou

Im sorry.
I have nothing that I can suggest or offer.
Other than could you delay paying your rent?
Do you have previous employment that might have a benevolent fund that might be able to help?

ani_26

beanie, you are so sweet, i love you xx

Maybe sometimes all someone ever wants, is a hug, ( or a bunch of daffodils ), and not a lecture.

The simple things......................

Aesop

Beanie is lovely and has the best advice, when there is advice to give.

Nothing more I can say either. Just maybe by some miracle, your other job will pay you and miraculously that money is in your account monday.

Maybe cancel your direct debit/standing order for rent before monday? Unless the bank has already earmarked it like some do.