Life after bankruptcy?

ani_26

Like an apple to take to bed with you supermum38? ( i have a strange sense of humour )


You sleep well, too Drop by again anytime you like x

Night, night both x

Thanks for the help Aesop x

ani_26

I don't quite understand what happened yesterday, or why it happened. I do know its perfectly tolerable for people, to come on to my thread, and say things which are'nt particularly nice, or simply not true.

I also did'nt understand there were rules about your diaries, your thoughts and feelings. Only happy, happy, thoughts and positive things allowed on mse ? Sorry, that one was straight over the top off my head, as well. Because is'nt this the very nature of those who have been where i've been? Some of us are at different stages of our life, and all of us will have different coping mechanisms. So there will maybe always be people who will read my diary, and identity with exactly how it is, even though they will maybe also, never admit to themselves or to anyone else. I just have'nt hit that turning point yet, where i can say things are starting to get better. Because they are'nt. Should i lie and say they are? No of course not. Its my diary and i'm a human being, and its a true account of my thoughts and feelings, on this journey back from the brink.


I've asked to change my name, but i can't make that happen any quicker than the wheels of industry are going to turn, despite the fact, i was asked. Do i nag, pester? No. Someone will get round to it when they have time. I'm not the only person on this planet.


Thanks for the help last night Aesop. I hope your not as tired as i am :rotfl:



Maybe you understand a little more. I think that although you understand and tried to help, there was no conclusion, and IS no conclusion, for certain members of soceity like myself, pensioners, etc. Ordinary people who work very hard to try and support themselves, but cast aside by the uk government, despite the fact they have supported the government through decades of paying tax and national insurance, because they don't fit into a tick box on a computer screen, or application form.


But my thanks to all, who have suggested again and again that i try certain things. I've tried them ALL, again and again, and so has the cab. I'm a square peg in a round hole, when it comes to being in the queue for benefits.Theres little i can do, except try and get myself a ' proper ' job, or keep plodding, and whilst i keep plodding, its undoubtably going to have an adverse effect on the way i feel about myself and the very concept of life. Indeed, if you think about it, the very fact i don't eat properly, probably has an adverse affect on the way i'm feeling and my ability to function, as i try and channel all my energies in one direction, work.



So back to plodding today, whether i or anyone likes it or not. Checked my bank account. £5.36 or whatever it is. No change there, then. I wish i had'nt stayed on tinternet, now. I'm really tired, and i've a long day. Must sort out paperwork, then off for my tests, then must check the few things i have in store, are ok, ugh i really don't want to go back there, then off to work, and hope the gossips don't recognise me. Its really a bad idea to go back, but too late, now.

ani_26

Hmmmmm. I've also just realised that some people made some posts in my diary yesterday, quite nasty/ negative posts, and then have deleted them.This is the side of some people that others won't see, because i read those posts, even if they were deleted before anyone else visiting mse, could read them, which maybe goes some way towards explaining why i'm confused, have made the posts i've made, ( i have'nt deleted any), and other people could turn on me, too. But at least it shows true colours and all that, and i saw the posts, and who they were from, even if no one else did.




A job well done?



But its my diary, and i'll continue to work my thoughts through my journey. Rise above it

MicheH

Nohope as you read the post I deleted you will know deep down that it was not nasty at all. It was up there for about an hour so no doubt other people would have read it to.. and will know it was not nasty

Deleted because it would have sparked a whoe new discussion, a dicussion I don't at all want to get involved in, would have attracted trolls and would have upset both you and me in the process. In other words, I thought better of it.

Aesop

I am always tired, have been since DS was born.

Nohope, MicheH is not trolling or anything negative as you may believe.

She posted to try and help and support.

This whole process is a hard and difficult one for everyone who has to go through it, as Supermum posted above, 2 years down the line, she is still worrying and not sleeping.

The problem with the internet, everyone who posts is faceless and as we try to protect ourselves by trying to not post too much information so that people cannot recognise us or we cannot be identified in some way, it makes what we post difficult to read.

People want to help and support, but as we cannot see expressions or hear tone of voice, or get to know someone's real sense of humour or mannerisms, or the normal things that are associated with relationships/friendships/acquaintances, etc. it can make things read or not read hard to understand. Things can be misconstrued. (sp) Lack of information makes people query things, hard to understand, follow the logic, etc.

But as I said, we try to protect ourselves by keeping some anonymity, and not posting too much information.

Let's draw a line under all this Nohope.

It's your diary, post how you want, when you want. But it is a visible diary, so except people to comment and look in.

Sorry if we offended by telling you to be more positive and not post so negatively.

Just trying to help.

ani_26

I looked at my shiny new name today and it made me smile, laugh even. For, i'm not about to give up on my love affair with ani, just yet. You're the only thing i have left, its just me and you, and maybe whilst most can't understand my love affaiir with you, there are one or two strange people like me, who can.

Went and checked my few belongings were ok today, but did'nt have time to stop and sort anything out. because my appointment ran late. But at least they've not been destroyed like i thought they would have been. Maybe its not been as wet as i thought, or maybe its just dried out. Saw the for sale sign in my garden, biut could'nt see if it said sold. I did'nt have the courage to go up there, in case any of the neighbours were around. The whole village will know, by now. Resisted the tempation to go up, on the way back. Thats an achievement, in itself.

Work was'nt too bad, only saw three people i knew, and i've no idea if they knew. What does it matter anyway? Saw my ridge. Shame i did'nt think about getting out there earlier. I could have gone for a walk, although a beautiful day, it was shrouded in mist. I don't know how i feel about anything anymore. Still dead inside.

Is my body on self destruct, too? The tests were really painful again today, and i'm still feeling the pain from them, now, along with the other pains they've set off. Just like it was last time. I'd blanked it. But now its praying on my mind, now i've finished work, and had time to think about it. They said they'll phone me within two weeks, if its bad. That sounds bad in itself. Well, i won't hear anything until next week, for sure. Its almost the weekend. Then the whole process starts again, the same as it did last time, they said. I can't afford to take time off work, and go into hospital, because it will be more extensive surgery, this time. I can't afford to take 6 months,for sure. I wish i'd ignored the letter.

I should'nt be making negative posts. I should be making positive posts. I was going to start a new diary. But lets face it, the events of the past still have'nt finished with me. At least i've got a long day tomorrow, off to the big L again,( free ticket ), and not too much time to dwell on it, i hope. Just try and blank it, until you hear for sure. They said if its ok, i don't have to go back for a whole year. Why bother going at all?


Go and take some painkillers and go to bed. Got to be up in a few hours.

ani_26

MatyMoo wrote: »

Blimey, it seems as though I have missed a tough 48 hours

Glad you are still here, even if you are struggling.

So many people on here care for you and want to help - they may be repeating things that have been suggested many times before but there are a lot of pages to check back over!

As the words of the song goes "Every body needs somebody". I just wish that you had that somebody you could open up to and whose help you would be prepared to accept.

I for one would be happy to help you, even a small food parcel to help you through until the money shows up in your bank account. I want nothing in return. PM me if you feel you could accept this small gesture.

As for your comment about PM's..... My experience is there is very little done via PM's here, no talking behind people's backs. PM's are usually used to share the personal bits that you don't want to share with the whole MSE world but are happy to share with one or two that you have become close to and feel you can trust. An example of this is Mike's Mob, we shared our personal email addresses so that we could organise ourselves to help out on the DIY SOS show - someone none of us had actually met in real life but had grown to know through his thread. And the power of the thread got the BBC involved to get him his home rebuilt after a dodgy builder left him in dire straits. Anyway 10 of us shared email addresses and from that mobile numbers. None of that trust has been abused. Sorry if this bit seems like a rant but I did take exception to your view of PM's!

Thanks Maty x


I may need it, come monday. Just checked my account now, and its not looking good. No pay. Its after midnight, but will check again later today.

ani_26

Had a sleep. Still tired. Come on to delete my post, before anyone can read it. But its my diary. I've changed my name, but i'm still the same person. You can't change overnight. Is there really so much wrong with me that people have to tell me how i should feel? Shall i delete it? I woke up feeling better, but now as i'm coming round, the pain is kicking in. It should'nt feel like this, now. Go and take so more painkillers, and get yourself to work. Just forget diaries, forget everything. Do i really belong to this human race?

MatyMoo

Bit early for me but.....

Don't delete your posts, it's you and how you feel - good or bad.

Sorry the tests have made you sore and I am hoping you don't get a phone call soon.

Very pleased to see the change of name - I am assuming it is something to do with your car?????

Don't forget my offer, it is there if you need it.

Maty
-x-

jen_br

But you can always have this one locked and start a PART 2!