advice needed

worrieddadandpartner

sassyblue wrote: »

Yes, child abuse is nothing to get annoyed over is it?

Point out the 'assumptions' then.....

its not child abuse so get over your self


and i didnt throw things she did

mountainofdebt

sassyblue wrote: »

No. YOU helped neglect your son. :mad: If you were living at home with them both then you must have known your child was suffering if that's what your partner was doing. You tried to help when you weren't working but went to work.. you must have known what would happen when you left?

Social services don't take children away from their parents without very good reason.

OMG, this has angered me. Abuse from her parents for no reason and a violent argument but you didn't throw things?? No way, we haven't got the full story here....

Oh for goodness sake have you read what you have written?

You're slating the OP for going out to work while others have slated him for being on benefits......make your mind up people - is he wrong for working or being on benefits .....as for being on benefits just remember there for the grace of God go I.

It sounds as if the grandparents took the child in whilst he was working to help out and then twisted the situation with the authorities to get full custody of the child ......I didn't read it as the Social Services getting involved initially.

And the OP wouldn't be the first partner in history not to get on with his / her partner's parents, who would gladly take advantage of any disharmony between the parents.

OP - if you really want to know that your partner is safe then you may have to call people's bluff....if they won't tell you she's safe but aren't going to tell you where perhaps you need to tell them you're reporting her as a missing person - i guess that their reactions will tell you whether or not they really do know where she is.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

So...move out, sort yourself out, stand on your own two feet.

Then apply for a new Residence Order in your favour.

Not hard. Might not be successful, so have a back up of vastly increased visiting and staying contact. Might be stressful and a bit painful. But not hard.


If she is not taking meds for a serious mental illness, has been violent and has made allegations of domestic violence towards you (see - I am not accusing you of being violent) and has been found to neglect a child, then as far as I can see, there isn't a social worker worth their qualifications that would hand the little one over to you whilst you say the same as any battered wife whose husband has all the money and the lease: 'But I love them!' and putting their deeply dysfunctional relationship before that of their child.

It is perfectly possible for unmarried fathers to be awarded residence by the courts, which then leads to assistance with housing and associated benefits to assist in the transition. You can then establish whether supervised contact with the mother is in the child's best interests.

Depends what you want more really - a volatile, mentally ill partner or a proper parenting role.

rachel6188

I hate when people judge without knowing the whole facts. Iam so sorry the OP is having such a horrible time, its not a easy situation at all but if you need to talk away from the boards pm me. Il help and listen and wont judge. Massive hugs xxx

worrieddadandpartner

shes been in touch and arragned for a meeting with me to sit down and discuss things through so that parts sorted ill let you all know how things go

sassyblue

worrieddadandpartner wrote: »

its not child abuse so get over your self


and i didnt throw things she did

Really? Why was your child taken away from you then? I'll remind you of your words "the son has lived with maternal grandparents since he was 1 year old it was them who reported us to social services as my partner neglected the baby (she'd spend all day in bed feeling sorry for herself while baby was left with no food etc"

It's child abuse, however you dress it up. And shouldn't it be 'our' son or 'my' son - anything but 'the' son

I can't believe you are bothered about a woman who's caused so much trouble, your priority is your child not her.

Poor kid.

sassyblue

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Oh for goodness sake have you read what you have written?

You're slating the OP for going out to work while others have slated him for being on benefits......make your mind up people - is he wrong for working or being on benefits .....as for being on benefits just remember there for the grace of God go I.

Yes l have thanks. l was sympathetic until l read the post about their baby, l'm appalled at his lack of self blame for his sons situation, he needs a reality check. The child is the victim here not him.

I didn't slate the OP for not working so directing the rest of your post to me is pointless.

LittleMissInDebt

Social Services are not perfect and they do make mistakes, as I had the misfortune to observe recently when a child I know was taken from one dangerous and volatile situation into an equally unsuitable (albeit for different reasons) situation and would not listen to anyone involved because they had decided (without assessment) that this was preferable.

Just thought I'd mention that. Of course, should mention I have a close friend in that field and have also seen the good they can do.

Anyway using Social Services against the O/P seems unfair and I felt he did try to explain himself.

OP I understand why you want your partner back, but perhaps it is time for you to start thinking of yourself and your child. If you could establish a stable situation for yourself you may be able to fight for your child effectively.

RadoJo

I may not agree with the way it's been said, but I do agree that you need to gain some independence OP. Even if you manage to sort out this incident, living in a situation where you have absolutely nothing if your partner does decide that she doesn't want to be with you is not ideal, and if she does ask you to move out and you have no home or job, then her parents will have an even stronger case for withholding access to your son. You can find a lot of help on getting a job on here, and advice on how to set yourself up so you aren't so vulnerable to your partner's mood swings which would mean that you had some stability which in turn, and in time, you may then be able to offer to your son. I hope that you can work things out in the short term, but I definitely think that you should start to work towards not finding yourself in this position again as well.