Marriage, Sex & Contraceptive Woes! - Am I weird?

Woodyrocks

I have been looking at family planning and women health sites all morning but they all seem so impersonal so I am turning to a site that always feels warm :j

I was single for a very long time before meeting my new husband and contraception was something I did not have to concern myself with in the desert that was my intimate/relationship life!

My husband and I started off using condoms but after discussion I went on the pill last Autumn. Well, it has not be fun for me. My sex drive has gone down the drain which is seriously affecting us and I have also put on a fair amount of weight. More than I can happily carry.

We gave a thought to the IUD because I just don't want ANY hormones in my body any longer but the side effects sound terrible and like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

So, that is it. We have no other option but to return to condoms. Yet, I am petrified. We have no intention of having a child for at least another 20months/2yrs. I feel irresponsible using only condoms knowing this as I know they can fail. I feel like such a let-down. Like, I am placing restrictions on our sex life, as if I am indirectly saying I don't want to be intimate with my OH. And there is nothing further from the truth.

Marriage and sex no longer seem like the easy bedfellows that I imagined a few months ago but a complicated and incredibly sensitive ground to navigate. I feel like I have no options whatsoever as far as reliable and safe contraception goes

What is a girl to do? And thanks for reading this far!

pawpurrs

How about the cap, I allways got on well with it, and no chemicals.

jackieglasgow

Don't panic. I have been married for twelve years, we have only ever used condoms as a contraceptive, and have not had any accidental pregnancies. The one time we did have an accident, I got the MAP. Condoms when used properly are one of the most reliable forms of contraception around. I was never keen to use anything else. I would also add that each of my pregnancies was planned and I "fell" immediately, which may not have happened if we'd been using other forms.

xmaslolly76

Have you only been on one type of pill or have you tried many? I ask as there are many types and it could just be the one your on doesn't suit you it took me years to find one that was right for me. I now use the patch which has far less side effects than the pill but is basically the same it may be worth enquiring about that :-) x

REE

Hi, just to second what xmas said above, it took 5 changes of pill type and a couple of years for me to find one that worked for me, but once I did, I've been on the same one happily for years.

peachyprice

pawpurrs wrote: »

How about the cap, I allways got on well with it, and no chemicals.

I got twins with the cap

Plans_all_plans

What about natural family planning? http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/natural-family-planning/Pages/Introduction.aspx My husband and I use this method.

gratefulforhelp_2

I know how you feel, there is no form of contraception without it's drawbacks. A different brand of pill may be the answer.

LillythePink

Woodyrocks wrote: »

I have been looking at family planning and women health sites all morning but they all seem so impersonal so I am turning to a site that always feels warm :j

I was single for a very long time before meeting my new husband and contraception was something I did not have to concern myself with in the desert that was my intimate/relationship life!

My husband and I started off using condoms but after discussion I went on the pill last Autumn. Well, it has not be fun for me. My sex drive has gone down the drain which is seriously affecting us and I have also put on a fair amount of weight. More than I can happily carry.

We gave a thought to the IUD because I just don't want ANY hormones in my body any longer but the side effects sound terrible and like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

So, that is it. We have no other option but to return to condoms. Yet, I am petrified. We have no intention of having a child for at least another 20months/2yrs. I feel irresponsible using only condoms knowing this as I know they can fail. I feel like such a let-down. Like, I am placing restrictions on our sex life, as if I am indirectly saying I don't want to be intimate with my OH. And there is nothing further from the truth.

Marriage and sex no longer seem like the easy bedfellows that I imagined a few months ago but a complicated and incredibly sensitive ground to navigate. I feel like I have no options whatsoever as far as reliable and safe contraception goes

What is a girl to do? And thanks for reading this far!

Why do you feel like this? Who says that condoms are restricting your sex life?

What if you were allergic to the hormones in the pill and therefore couldn't take it...what would you use then? probably condoms - would you then feel the same way that they were restricting your sex life?

You can try different pills to see if one suits or different coils, saying that, if you are planning children in about 2 years, it could take that long to find something to suit.

Anyway, who says that a sex life only consists of penetration? There are frequent times when my OH and I don't have penetration, but other forms of loving which are equally as erotic, horney and satisfying - and we don't need a condom!!

babyshoes

There are lots of different types of contraception available. I agree with others who say that you should try a different type of pill, or something like patches/implant. In terms of non-hormonal contraception, the cap is always an option, or the coil as you mentioned, as well as female condoms which are less likely to split but apparently squeak!

If you are going to continue using condoms, make sure you are using the right size and know how to use them PROPERLY, as if they are used correctly they are about 99% effective, but if they come off or split from using the wrong size then they are pointless!

I would suggest popping into your local family planning clinic or GUM clinic. There should be something like that at a hospital nearby - they will be able to chat to you one-to-one and tell you all the pros and cons of the different types of contraception. They can discuss it with you in private and help you decide on the best option for you.

building_with_lego

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

What about natural family planning? http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/natural-family-planning/Pages/Introduction.aspx My husband and I use this method.

For far more detail get Dr Toni Weschler's book, Taking Charge of your Fertility. the website is tcoyf.com I'm a big fan, having reacted to the progesterone- only pill and Depo injection the way you did on the pill! You wouldn't need condoms all the time , only during your fertile phase.