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  • Your partner wants the best for you, he wants to be around you, make your life as easy as possible... In a nutshell, the man loves you.

    If you don't want him packing up his life and moving to Liverpool to be with you because actually, you don't see this relationship lasting, you need to tell him now. But I rather suspect you don't want him moving to Liverpool because it's a big risk for him and you're not entirely sure you're worth it.

    You've been through a horrible experience and no one can really understand how awful it was, but I would wager that your partner has an inkling of how bad it's been for you. If you've ever talked to him, if you've cried in his arms... even if you've refused to say a single word, however you've dealt with things... he knows it's affected you.

    You talk as if Liverpool is a new start - maybe your partner sees it as a new start for both of you. If you find it difficult to live in your home town, it's only natural he's going to feel that way too. When you love someone, you are happy when they are happy, but you also hurt when they feel pain. It's very believable that he wants to move somewhere where you feel safe.

    Sounds as if he'd do anything for you - is it fair to say you'd do the same for him? If so, why not let this be a new start for both of you, together?
  • GEEGEE8 wrote: »
    Why are you getting so worked up about this?

    Your partner sounds really nice, and probably knows that you are easily worked up and just wants to offer emotional and financial support, because it makes him feel better, and should be making you feel better.

    I think you need to concentrate on uni and the other parts of your relationship.

    Don't focus on this money issue, the only person it seems to be an issue for is you, and you need to be comfortable in knowing that he isn't expecting anything right now because of the situation you are in.

    Don't worry! Smile, and try to enjoy your uni course and your relationship x
    Thank you for your input :)

    If I'm really honest. I wish I was 30 miles down the M62 cuddled upto him. Home sick already and in all honesty the people here are horrible. If I pull out now and commute everyday my partner will think I throw money away
  • donquine wrote: »

    Sounds as if he'd do anything for you - is it fair to say you'd do the same for him? If so, why not let this be a new start for both of you, together?

    Yes, but I live in a block of flats and its like a prison cell I don't want him to see this. I'd do the same for him. I was willing to move to Edinburgh with him if his job made him.

    I want a fresh start away from my home town, somewhere where we will both be happy
  • I sound confusing sorry :( My friend I should give Liverpool a month then if not move back then commute. I texted my partner how I was feeling and he said I could pack a bag and he'd be here in 30 to pick me up. I guess I'm just confused and home sick.
  • McCuddly wrote: »
    Yes, but I live in a block of flats and its like a prison cell I don't want him to see this. I'd do the same for him. I was willing to move to Edinburgh with him if his job made him.

    I want a fresh start away from my home town, somewhere where we will both be happy

    Presumably, if you were both living in Liverpool, with him working full time, you could afford somewhere nicer?

    You say you don't like the people and you don't sound enamoured with your accommodation, so Liverpool might end up just being a pit stop on the way to somewhere you prefer. Just because Liverpool might not be permanent, doesn't mean your partner can't relocate for a year or so (not sure what year you're in/how much longer you have to study) and then the two of you move somewhere else, with a view to that city being more permanent.
    McCuddly wrote: »
    I sound confusing sorry :( My friend I should give Liverpool a month then if not move back then commute. I texted my partner how I was feeling and he said I could pack a bag and he'd be here in 30 to pick me up. I guess I'm just confused and home sick.

    At the moment, you're trying to settle into a new university, settle into a new town and you're away from your partner and your friends. You are bound to get wobbles. I think you need to give it more time - there are a lot of changes hitting you all at once.
  • ailuro2
    ailuro2 Posts: 7,540 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Your partner sounds lovely.

    Once you have an income you can start putting money intot he joint account, tell him it's the money he lent you, and if he wants to take it out to put it into the wedding fund he's more than welcome....:D

    not the most romantic proposal, but if he's really this nice you need to start believing he loves you and make some commitment to him if you feel the same way.
    Member of the first Mortgage Free in 3 challenge, no.19
    Balance 19th April '07 = minus £27,640
    Balance 1st November '09 = mortgage paid off with £1903 left over. Title deeds are now ours.
  • McCuddly
    McCuddly Posts: 281 Forumite
    donquine wrote: »
    Presumably, if you were both living in Liverpool, with him working full time, you could afford somewhere nicer?
    We could, but then if he moved up, I'd be out of the cooling off period at this place and would be paying for it to sit empty and then He'd think I only want his money
    You say you don't like the people and you don't sound enamoured with your accommodation, so Liverpool might end up just being a pit stop on the way to somewhere you prefer. Just because Liverpool might not be permanent, doesn't mean your partner can't relocate for a year or so (not sure what year you're in/how much longer you have to study) and then the two of you move somewhere else, with a view to that city being more permanent.
    I hate it here, last night they were banging on peoples doors and kicking them at all hours. and I couldn't sleep. I have two years left of my studies and it would be unfair to ask him to relocate. Maybe after my studies I could settle down again in my home town. I just feel really really unfair on him

    At the moment, you're trying to settle into a new university, settle into a new town and you're away from your partner and your friends. You are bound to get wobbles. I think you need to give it more time - there are a lot of changes hitting you all at once.
    My partner keeps saying he'd come up and spend the night in halls and drive back for work if I needed someone there. I just don't think I'm coping well :(
    ailuro2 wrote: »
    Your partner sounds lovely.

    Once you have an income you can start putting money intot he joint account, tell him it's the money he lent you, and if he wants to take it out to put it into the wedding fund he's more than welcome....:D

    not the most romantic proposal, but if he's really this nice you need to start believing he loves you and make some commitment to him if you feel the same way.
    I like it :) I wonder if he would say yes :)
  • eleanor73
    eleanor73 Posts: 1,615 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Sorry lost internet connection last night. Sounds like by looking at the above post you've got a good idea to go forward with. I think even if he doesn't want it handed over to him you could start up a new account and put spare pennies in it and call it both of yours for your future or a fab holiday when you graduate.

    Is there anywhere nicer you could move to - a shared room in a house or a lodger for someone? Somewhere still cheap but a bit quieter? Where you are doesn't sound condusive to coping.

    Good luck and don't worry too much - I don't think your partner is thinking any of the things your worried about. I think he just wants to make things easier/better for you. He sounds very nice.
    Since starting again after beanie: June 2016: Child development DVDs, Massive Attack tickets. July: Aberystwyth trip, hotmilk nightie. Aug: £10 Hipp Organic vouchers, powerpack. September: Sunglasses. October: £30 poundland vouchers.
  • Lara44
    Lara44 Posts: 2,961 Forumite
    Don't worry McCuddly, it's really natural to be homesick, I hated uni halls for the first few weeks. It's important to give it a couple of weeks to see how people settle down and you settle in. If it still hasn't changed and you don't feel good there, then definitely give commuting some thought. Have you bought some nice things for your room that might make you feel more at home - this really helps me to settle in somewhere. Have you got music you like, and films to watch in your spare time if you feel lonely? Are there any clubs and societies that you could join that might help you meet new friends to hang out with in the evening? Have you got a webcam to skype your partner so that you can see each other as well as talk?

    If you don't like it check what the policy is on leaving - in our halls if you found a replacement person for the room you could leave without paying any extra bills. During my time at uni I also used the student counsellors. You have been through an extremely awful experience and I am sure it has knocked your confidence and made it difficult to trust people. I think your worries about what your OH thinks of you might be related. Counselling might help you to explore your feelings a bit more - at uni it is usually completely free and quick to access. If you don't feel like talking they might also be able to help you with relaxation techniques such as hypnotherapy. Stay in touch with all of us here too :)
    :A :heartpuls June 2014 / £2014 in 2014 / £735.97 / 36.5%
  • Make-it-3
    Make-it-3 Posts: 1,661 Forumite
    You've just arrived at uni, a new place on your own (albeit halls with thousands of other students) is bound to be a bit scary, intimidating and lonely for any student, let alone someone who's had the experience you've had. Please try and give it a few weeks to settle in.

    Only you know your relationship, do you think he revels in the dependence and need you have for him and you think this is unhealthy?

    Otherwise there is absolutely nothing in what you've said that makes me think you have anything other than a loving, caring, supportive partner, who wants to make sure you get back on track by completing the degree you had to give up first time round. If he wants to move closer then I would imagine its because loves and misses you and also is worried about you coping alone. You are right to make sure he understand the sacrifices (work wise) he would need to make to do so. Perhaps agree with him that you want this space to grow strong and independent again whilst agreeing exactly when you will see each other (eg spending alternate weekends in each city for example).

    And I really wouldn't worry about the money right now, you aren't going to have any spare cash while you are studying. Wait till you have a fab graduate job. In a strong, supportive relationship we help each other out from time to time, be that financially, emotionally or physically - that's why its called a partnership.
    We Made-it-3 on 28/01/11 with birth of our gorgeous DD.
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