Should I be giving my ex, the father of my kids money?

Duncombe

I think signing over the CB for your eldest son is a good suggestion. You will still receive CB for your youngest son, and won't feel guilty about having to send 'supplies' with the 2yr old when he goes to stay with his Dad - the CB should cover them.

peachyprice

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

He has DS 3 days and 3 nights every single week.

But you have 2 children, he only has one 3 days/nights a week so should that not mean he gets 25%, not 50%? They can't expect him to give half of your benefits when he's only having one child.

Duncombe

janninew wrote: »

I don't really understand what she has said, I assume she would have to declare that she is the main carer of the child to be entitled to the benefits that she claims? I never say anything as my Brother is very defensive, but I honestly cannot see how its right that she claims what she does, gets her rent paid, her CT and money from my Brother etc, yet she is perfectly capable (and has more than enough time) to get at least a part time job!

I wonder if she is aware that she will lose her entitlement to IS when her little girl reaches 7, she is nearly 6 now!!

And that will soon be changing to 5!

Charlie1978

No offence before anyone jumps on my back but... is there any reason why he doesn't have a job?! If he is on jobseekers then he is actively looking for work and that is fair enough. But if he is on income support it suggests he's not going back to work and doesn't have to prove that he will look for work either. Does he just not want to work?!?

I think the idea of handing over any money to someone who contributes nothing financially to the days you have your children yet you are working (I presume as you are getting tax credits???) and want to hand over money for what exactly completely ludicrous!

Your benefits are based on your needs. Yours and your childrens. If he wants more money he can go and get a job. Not use his child to go claim Income Support so that he doesn't have to work at all.

mumof1and1ontheway

He is looking for a job but has been out of work for a while. I do not work.. I was at university full time when we split.. and was pregnant. So am now on income support as my youngest is only 4 week old. I will be applying for a part time job as soon as I can, or re-applying to university. I am unsure which is the best route for me to take atm. But will do which ever is better for my kids

The ex will have my youngest overnight at some point.. I am going to start with a few hours a week and build it up gradually. I exclusively breastfeed atm and am having problems, so am unable to allow him to take baby for a few hours until its all settled and I can express. Though he comes to the house a few times a week to see baby.

Charlie1978

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

He is looking for a job but has been out of work for a while. I do not work.. I was at university full time when we split.. and was pregnant. So am now on income support as my youngest is only 4 week old. I will be applying for a part time job as soon as I can, or re-applying to university. I am unsure which is the best route for me to take atm. But will do which ever is better for my kids

The ex will have my youngest overnight at some point.. I am going to start with a few hours a week and build it up gradually. I exclusively breastfeed atm and am having problems, so am unable to allow him to take baby for a few hours until its all settled and I can express. Though he comes to the house a few times a week to see baby.

I am not judging you for not working. You have young children and they need your attention. I applaud you for trying to better yourself along the way as well. It is certainly hard work to try to fit everything in yet still leave yourself with opportunities for your future.

I just don't think there is any need for him to not be working or not be actively searching for work. And if he goes on Income Support - he doesn't have to!

I'm sure it is a lovely break for you for a couple of nights a week, especially with a new baby but I just think financially he is not supporting his children. You can't support your children AND him if you aren't together. Your children are your priority.

Obviously you're not going to send your child to his without whatever your child needs. Goes without saying. I don't think you should be sending money every week though. We all need to prioritise our incomings and outgoings. I'm sure your ex can manage to do that too.

mumof1and1ontheway

Thanks hun. I will just carry on sending nappies, wipes and anything else he needs. I will also keep sending 4 healthy start vouchers a month so he has those for milk, fruit and veg if needed. I am breastfeeding so it is cheaper for me to buy fruit and veg for myself and my son that it would be if I had to buy formula weekly too

Charlie1978

Good luck hun. I know it's difficult when you're trying to be fair but unfortunately you are no longer a family. Your family is now you and your children. Difficult situation to get used to with a new baby but i'm sure you will adjust and sort it between the two of you.

Somehow, we always manage to cope

lauren_1

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

So its just CB he is entitled to? So £40 a month?

If you signed over your eldest CB to your ex he in the eyes of the law would be seen as his main carer (we know he is not, you are..but he has him nearly 50% of the time) once your ex is in receipt of the CB he then will get ctc for the boy along with being able to claim Income support.

you will still get ctc and cb etc etc for the baby but be warned if you are on pretty bad terms with your ex he could sting YOU for maintainace as CB = PWC.

Its a dire situation as 3 full days and nights with a child survivng on job seekers is going to be tough. I would think long and hard about parting with any cash though.

Its entirely BULL***T that you have to hand over half your benefits.

peachyprice

Another thing to bear in mind, I don't know what your housing situation is, but council housing to include enough rooms for children will be based on how many you receive CB for. If you sign over your eldest CB to your ex he can get a 2 bedroom place as he will be seen as the one with PWC.

Also, to sign over the CB can take up to 16 weeks and payment to you will stop immediately once you tell them you want to sign it over. During this time neither of you will receive a penny and they will only back date it 12 weeks.

I really wouldn't do it, it can cause too many complications. Give it to him yourself if you feel the need, but don't make it official.