Should I be giving my ex, the father of my kids money?

mumof1and1ontheway

I have a 2 year old and a 4 week old. I am seperated from their dad. I get child benefit and tax credits for them. The ex has my 2 year old 3 nights a week.

He is on job seekers, but has now been told to apply for income support because he has his son 3 nights a week.. and has been told that I should be giving him half of my benefits that I get for the kids.

I send nappies and wipes and always offer to send food etc or pay for anything extra needed. But most of the time he provides nappies himself.

Should I be giving him half of the benefits I get for my 2 year old? I am a little confused.. as no mother I know does this. But now I am feeling guilty that I am getting money and he isnt?

What do I do for the best? Give him some money every week? Or jus carry on sending things and offering if he needs extra like I have been doing?

hot.chick

if he's entitled to extra benefit its upto him to apply for them.

I'd send supplies for the little one, but not money.

But if he does get extra benefit for having the little one - then thats for him to provide these things while they are together

mumof1and1ontheway

ok. so if he is wanting to apply he has to apply for child benefit and tax credits and explain the situation? If it was official and he is entitled thats fine. I just worry if I gave him cash for the kids each week.. my benefits are worked out by my income etc. And I'd worry I'd then struggle with bills. But I do understand why its seen as unfair for the mother to get paid the money and him not for the days he has them.

Soubrette

You are not legally obliged to offer him any of your benefits or give him anything.

It's up to you to decide what you feel that morally you want to provide/give/offer, whether that be money or things.

Personally I would expect to cover all expenses such as clothes and nappies and I might offer to pay for my son's expenses if my ex wanted to take him out somewhere for the day.

In short I wouldn't pay half my benefits but I would try and cover more than half to most of the costs of my son.

lell_2

I'm not sure, part of me thinks maybe he should be getting something... but that would depend (in my mind) whether that 3 nights a week meant he was doing tea etc for the child, does he buy clothing etc for the little one to keep at his house etc.

I don't think he can claim income support, as he has to be in receipt of the child benefit to be able to claim IS as a single parent, and as the wee one spends the majority of time with you as the responsible adult you are entitled to the child benefit (as far as I know).

I think I would send supplies but not the money.

mumof1and1ontheway

Thanks for the replies. I do offer to pay for things.. like day trips out, petrol money for him to take him out places etc. I also offer to either send food or healthy start vouchers to buy food.. or sometimes will offer him cash for food. He has his own clothes at his for our son.. but I do offer to send clothes, he just declines lol.
I always buy and send things like nappy cream, bonjela etc if needed. He does spend alot of our son, like treats and toys. But by choice iygwim.

hot.chick

well if you are offering and he is declining then thats upto him.

What more can you do?

I think you are letting other peoples opinions get to you, you look after your kids and you offer to support them when they are with their dad - job done!

jackieglasgow

No help to offer as I don't have a clue, but I did want to offer my congratulations on the birth of your baby, I had wondered if you'd had him yet.

mumof1and1ontheway

Thank you Jackie he is 4 weeks already!! it has flown by!!! x

HRV

I'm pretty sure he can't claim anything in respect to the kids. i'm sure only one can claim child benefit and therefore tax credit. However in theory you could be claiming maintenance from him (obviously reduced for the nights he has the children) and therefore by you not doing this he is better off.

As a NRPP I am by no means agreeing with policy on this but I'm pretty sure that's how it stands.

Soubrette

HRV wrote: »

I'm pretty sure he can't claim anything in respect to the kids. i'm sure only one can claim child benefit and therefore tax credit. However in theory you could be claiming maintenance from him (obviously reduced for the nights he has the children) and therefore by you not doing this he is better off.

As a NRPP I am by no means agreeing with policy on this but I'm pretty sure that's how it stands.

AFAIK if the NRP is on benefits and has children for one night or more then they have no liability for child maintenance.

If they don't see them at all overnight or less than 52 nights a year then it's £5pw.