MSE Parents Club Part 14

redstararnie76

Becles wrote: »

Charlotte copies people like that. When my Dad leaves he always shouts "ta-ra love" at my Mam out of the car window as he drives off. Now Charlotte shouts "ta-ra love" as people leave our house :rotfl:
QUOTE]

:rotfl:Love it!

A loves people's little phrases - she copies my mum's 'Alrighty then', and she even gets the tone right, it's a little unnerving to say the least!

Becky, I'm pleased that she got that out of the way :eek: it's horrible when they suffer like that.

aless02

Morning all! Only got up a little while ago after lovely Sunday morning lie-in. I love my DH on Sundays :rotfl:. Need to go get dressed & such for church in a bit - not sure of any other plans for the today.

ticklepenny_2

Becles wrote: »

While people are looking for gifts, if anyone spots any offers on Christian Dior J'Adore perfume, please can they let me know. I promised to help my Dad find a present but I'm not sure of the best place to buy it It must be eau de parfum, and he's willing to pay around £50-£60-ish. Either just the perfume or a gift set with toiletries in would do.

Did a perfume mystery shop a couple of weeks ago and the lady sprayed a new one called Lady Millions on me. It smells fabulous and I was very tempted to buy it.

Is this the kind of thing he is looking for?

and is this the one you were sprayed with?

SugarSpun

EA are you there? I was looking at Husband's videos of Molly and a video of yours popped up as recommended!!

BrunoM

Long family stress rant, ignore freely

In fact, ETA to white it out so that only people who really have some free time bother reading it

Regulars may remember the vague stress between OH and my mum, not to do with major specifics but more generally about attitude and my mum's desperate keenness to see E and OH's resentment of having no family of her own around and so on.

When we confirmed plans for FIL (and then also his friend) to come to London this month, we originally discussed them staying a few days of their trip at my parents'; FIL has stayed there before and they get on well, and they have a couple of spare bedrooms, and would give us a break in the period of crowded house here.

OH was never enthusiastic but when FIL got here, she veto'ed the idea completely, which I was a bit disappointed about but OK - she felt like if she was seeing her dad for 3 weeks in the year she didn't want to 'sacrifice' any days just for the sake of a quieter house on those days.

So my mum was asking about when we could all meet up, perhaps FIL/friend/us would like dinner at their house one night, or we could meet up at a park for lunch, or etc. OH got really angry with pressuring emails and declared that she was totally unwilling, full stop, to meet up with FIL and my mum at the same time, because she feels my mum then gets all over-keen, sort-of competitive, all over Elijah to prove how much he loves her, or whatever. This is stuff in the eye of the beholder, but there it is.

I felt this position was completely unreasonable, her parents and mine in the same country it's not unreasonable to suggest a meet-up for the length of a meal at least... I couldn't talk her round though, so I suggested to my mum she stopped 'pressuring' OH and just arranged something with FIL to meet up for lunch one day when he and his friend were doing London tourist stuff. She wrote to FIL, FIL went to my OH asking for her advice on how to reply, OH got more stressed... round and round it went.
I was forced to write a really stern mail to my mum saying "OH feels like you are trying to steal time with FIL away from her, when she is not going to see him again for god knows how long, and you need to stop trying", so she gets really upset and panicky at me about how OH won't let her come visiting and see Elijah in the future, and I reassure her, and OH tells me she feels bad, so we agree we will have Sunday brunch in a cafe with my mum while FIL is visiting Norfolk for a couple of days. I arrange things with my mum.

Yesterday afternoon OH tells me that 'in the cold light of day' she knows she is now the family pariah and everyone hates her and is talking about her behind her back, and she won't be going to the brunch. I spent lots of yesterday trying to persuade her how ridiculous that is and how things are not 1/10 as bad and I have already sorted it all out and reassured my mum, and she should just relax and come to a nice brunch and see that everything is fine, but she wouldn't agree.

Now this morning I have to persuade her one more time, if she won't come it will be a PR disaster with my mum, where if she does come there will be no problem whatsoever!

All so very stupid!

Sorry for that it is all very minor and has no real substance and yet is causing big drama. I am trying to blame fragile difficult pregnancy and hormones to my mum, while telling OH that there is no issue and everything is fine.

In other news I suppose I had better join the stack of people looking at Christmas shopping. I have no ideas and no desire. Possibly OH ought to get a replacement laptop as hers keeps overheating but wah.

Thanks for good wishes and glad some people got good sleep! (we did too E slept in til 8.15, almost unheard-of, and then rather than waking and calling for me, snuck up and peeked into our bedroom! I made eye-contact with him and he rushed back into bed cackling and then called for me little sneak!)

ticklepenny_2

Bruno M - No suggestions, just that you are doing the best you can and no one could ask for more. As you are already well aware pregnancy logic is a minefield. Good luck!

weezl74

BrunoM wrote: »

Long family stress rant, ignore freely

Bruno no advice at all. Just wanted to say I think I was just as unreasonable as DW in pregnancy at times (blush) and that both you and my OH deserve a medal for sucking it up and making it ok. And I totally see how frustrating and difficult it is for you.

:coffee:am not good at offering male friends hugs so I made you a brew!

weezl74

actually bruno I do have one possible tip that seemed to work for DH and I.

He couldn't collude with what I was saying, but I had strong feelings that needed acknowledging. So sometimes, if using your example, he'd say something like 'oh poor you you are so worried she will steal E's affection from your dad and you have so little of him!' (or something) which hears the strong feeling and acknowledges it, but without saying 'yes my mum is a wicked grandchild stealer!' which you know to not be true.

err i hope that makes some sense but please ignore if you already do that!

aless02

Bruno - as someone who is well-qualified to speak about this situation *coughcough*, your OH is being completely unreasonable. Sometimes I feel like you are describing my own family/ILs (your mom sounds quite like my MIL!), so I understand even more the "pressure" she feels. However, it's ridiculous that she wouldn't want, heaven forbid, even a few hours for FIL/mom to at least have a meal together.

I'm sure you can blame pregnancy hormones somewhat, but at the end of the day we're all rational adults that do need to take responsibility for own behaviors. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but I don't subscribe to writing everything off to hormones - think it's slightly demeaning to women, actually.

So no real solution, because I think telling her she's being silly would just make things worse . You do very well having patience here, I'm sure she will come to her senses eventually. After all, shouldn't E be able to see his grandparents at the same time?

< / harsh>

and if anyone wants to disagree with me, fine, I won't be here to defend myself as we're off to church now!

In other news, the promised glorious weekend has made an appearance, hurrah!!

SugarSpun

I was trying to formulate some sort of tactful reply Bruno but I think Aless is absolutely right. It's fine to have unreasonable feelings, but even when feeling rotten you also have to remember the feelings of others, and it worries me that your mother is afraid your OH will stop her from seeing E altogether - is this a threat she's made in the past?

Weezl's suggestion of acknowledging her feelings is obviously a wonderful one, but your OH needs also to understand that her feelings are of equal importance as those of others. We give people leeway and make allowances from them when they're under stress like being in advanced pregnancy - but at the same time it sounds like her current behaviour could have a permanent effect on her relationship with your mother and it needs to not.

Also, I am enjoying being a Christmas guru if you need inspiration but I am now off out for lunch.

Hugs all round.