How do I support my Hubby through this?

McKneff

this poor mans family must be distraught at the moment.

My mum did this nerly 30 years ago, went out for something for tea and never came back. I still have a lump in my throat when i think about it.

It is so sad...............

ailuro2

I did a first aid and defib course 2 weeks ago, and was utterly shocked that we were told straight up there was only a 10% chance of survival, even if it happened in hospital and you received professional help straight away.

My friend did a first aid course and a few weeks later did her best to help a work colleague she found upon getting to work. Without saying too much she did end up being offered counselling as it was simply awful what she went through to try to save him. She was not aware of the statistics and did suffer the 'what ifs'

I feel better in a way that I know there's not much hope but by using my new skills I might have a one in ten of saving someone, slim chance is better than none, imho.

I don't know what advice to offer you except, in time, to use it as an opportunity to get your families wellbeing checked out, as I know my friend was shocked by how suddenly the colleague had died with no prior warning.;)

Starrystarrynight

I think it's amazing that your husband had the presence of mind and confidence to try to help the unfortunate man. It's far more than I would ever know how to do, and I'm sure that goes for a lot of other people, too. He didn't just stand by and wait, he did his very best to help and should take a lot of credit from that.

SugarSpun

starjumper wrote: »

...only 5% of the people who are given CPR survive which is a shocking statistic really, knowing that might help him a little bit. What a horrible thing for him to go through.

Think of it as giving someone a 5% chance that they wouldn't otherwise have.

OP, ask your husband what he needs and wants from you and try to remind him that giving CPR is an emergency measure to try to bring someone back when they're already on their way. The man's death had nothing to do with him, but trying to help him will bring comfort to the guy's family - he wasn't alone and he had someone there who was doing his best to help.

If your husband is worried about contracting something from the fluids he might have ingested/inhaled from CPR he should call NHS Direct who can tell him the risks and advise him. There are retrovirals available for protection in case of things like needle sticks/contact with fluids, but they're pretty nasty in themselves so NHS Direct can either refer to an out of hours clinic or send your husband to A&E if necessary. The sooner he gets them the better if he needs them, though.

74jax

naomijj wrote: »

Hi,
Hubby just phoned me from work to say that a fellow worker had had a heart attack ;-( DH had to give mouth to mouth until the first aider got there (he used to be a first aider). The first aider was there quite fast and the ambulance was there within five minutes but it doesn't look like the guy is going to make it. He had black lips from lack of oxygen and his eyes were open and glazed. DH won't come home says he is done at one anyway ;-( I think he maybe is hoping to hear some news before he leaves. What can I do or say to help - I know he will be devestated and playing it over and over in his head.
Feel hopeless
Thanks in advance

i havent read all the replies but didn't want to read and run, so sorry if some things have already been mentioned.

I found a very close friend earlier this year, he too had suffered heart problems and i had to give CPR, he unfortunately was already dead, paramedics couldn't do anything for him.

Having to give CPR is a stressful thing anyway, having to give it to someone you know, is very hard.

He may not be the same as me, at all, but things I found hard were:

The time of day it happened but one day on. And the same time but one week on. It happened on a friday night for me (6.35) and even now I find myself months on knowing the time on a Friday.

He may want to talk, he may think you should know how he's feeling - what if he got there sooner, what if he did something wrong, could someone else have made a difference. he will replay his actions over and over, please just be patient. i was very annoyed my bf carried on as normal, as though nothing had happened and life must go on. i was in limbo but the world was still turning.

Knowing he has you to talk to when he wants and to hold and cry with, is worth so much than you will ever know.

meritaten

A couple of years ago my son and I were in our local hospital (small cottage type unit) and the guy in the next cubicle (no walls just curtains to pull around) unexpectedly had a heart attack - I believe he came in with a hand injury. a nurse gave out a shriek and rushed over to him and started cpr - red light flashing and three doctors all left what they were doing and came rushing over - another nurse brought over the 'crash' cart and they desperately tried to save this man (not elderly btw - about mid fifties). after half an hour it was plain he wasnt responding but they kept trying. after an hour they admitted defeat. the staff seemed devastated - they all looked very upset and had to go about their usual anyway. the whole place was very subdued. I know my son will never forget it and as he was hooked up to various machines and masks himself he had to stay and listen to all this as did I.
this guy didnt survive and I can tell you he had the BEST care immediately! sometimes it just happens that way. and frankly, I think its a much better way to die than having cancer or dementia.
I really dont know how to advise you how to comfort your OH. he has lost a colleague which is upsetting enough but this way is worse. much good advice above though!

Edit: you may want to show him this thread in a day or two - he may be comforted by the fact this has happened to other people, and that even medical personnell are deeply affected by losing people this way, even the people who for one reason or another were reluctant onlookers were affected.
my son and I discussed it and we both found it deeply distressing but at least we BOTH were there and understood how each other felt. we didnt even know this guys name but felt his death impacted on us!

ailuro2

Just to add, since it's fresh in my mind - CPR will not bring a heart attack victim back if they are in fibrillation heart patterns, only a defib will do that, and even then it's still a very small time window. By doing CPR the first aider is helping to keep the blood oxygenated and moving, thereby extending the time the body can withstand being in fibrillation for.
That's why the people on my course were being trained in defib as well as first aid, they have found that the only way to improve the success ratea are to have more defibs on hand with of course people trained and with the bravery to use them when push comes to shove.

What the OP's husband did increased the colleague's chance of survival, he deserves a huge pat on the back for doing what he did even when he knew the odds weren't great.:A

If anyone has been told anything different I'm still happy to learn, never know when it will have the chance to help someone be the lucky one in ten.

OP how is your DH now?

naomijj

Hi Everyone, thanks so much for the replies, we have spent the afternoon with DHs parents. He is doing okish :-( very sad but talking which is good. I will show him this thread tomorrow if he is up to it - I love him and want to take this away :-(

meritaten

naomijj wrote: »

Hi Everyone, thanks so much for the replies, we have spent the afternoon with DHs parents. He is doing okish :-( very sad but talking which is good. I will show him this thread tomorrow if he is up to it - I love him and want to take this away :-(

you cant take it away hun. it happened and he has to deal with it. he CAN however turn it into a positive. could he take an advanced first aid course? (although in this case it wouldnt have helped). perhaps he was meant to be with this person at the end and can reassure the family he didnt suffer (that can be a tremendous comfort to a grieving family).

clairec79

When you do CPR you are doing it on a person who is ALREADY dead, you are trying to bring them back but the odds are not in your favour and you can not make things worse, you are giving them a chance they otherwise wouldn't had.

He will likely have flashbacks and wonder if he could have done something different and changed the outcome but in reality he couldn't. Just be there for him, and he will need to go into work to face the place again.

I'd advise him to go to the funeral as well