How do I support my Hubby through this?

naomijj

Hi,
Hubby just phoned me from work to say that a fellow worker had had a heart attack ;-( DH had to give mouth to mouth until the first aider got there (he used to be a first aider). The first aider was there quite fast and the ambulance was there within five minutes but it doesn't look like the guy is going to make it. He had black lips from lack of oxygen and his eyes were open and glazed. DH won't come home says he is done at one anyway ;-( I think he maybe is hoping to hear some news before he leaves. What can I do or say to help - I know he will be devestated and playing it over and over in his head.
Feel hopeless
Thanks in advance

hot.chick

Just be there for him...

he may want to talk about, he may not, he may want a hug, he may want to be left alone...

Maybe ask him if he's ok? Maybe ask him if he wants to tell you what happened... he may not want to go over it.

If he's quiet, and a bit withdrawn, ask if he's ok but don't press it if he just says he's ok...

Just love him, and be there for how ever he needs to handel it.

Good luck, I hope he's ok

Browntoa

remind him that he did his best , its not his fault if the person dies as it may have happened with paramedics there

naomijj

Thanks Hot.Chick. I am worried about him :-( he has had his fair share of unhappiness in his life already and seeing someone dead is one of his worst nightmares after going to view his mum's body when he was 13 :-( thanks for the advice - it's always hard for me to rein myself in and I do have a tendency to push and keep asking!
Thanks again x

hot.chick

Just remember - he's not shutting you out... He's just dealing with something in his own way.

If your feeling left out or shut out - go and make a cup of tea or someting so your not tempted to push him

x

gonzo127

agreed with the above, just try and be there for him if and when he needs you and wants it, do not push and do not feel left out, it is a massive shock when something like this happens and people will deal with it in their own way

just try to remind him that he did everything he could have possibly done and that on average, only 5–10% of people who receive CPR survive. and this is nothing to do with the person giving the CPR its down to the seriousness of the condition the person has suffered to require them to need CPR

building_with_lego

Does his employer offer any sort of external counselling service? Many bigger ones do; it's completely separate to work and confidential, obviously.

There's great advice in the above posts. Hugs to your husband.

belfastgirl23

I also think that someone who just 'drops dead' is actually sort of better of than someone who endures a long and slow illness - of course it's very hard on their family but they have no suffering really, they just go. I know if I had the choice it's what I'd choose anyway. And your husband was there with him so he wasn't on his own, and that alone is a huge gift to give a dying person.

It's worth also offering to go to the funeral with him - it might be comforting for the man's relatives to meet the person who was with him as he died.

Sounds like you have a good man there.

McKneff

Hey, hang on, youve got this poor man dead and buried and no one knows what has happened to him.

The paramedics may have worked on him and he will be okay,

Just because the person looks like he's dead in the OP's OH opinion doesnt mean to say that he is.

Hope you will all be okay.

regards

POPPYOSCAR

This happened to my brother when our father died and he took it very hard because he had to cope with the shock and the fact that despite what he did(following instructions over the phone from 999) he could not save him.

However, he was the one out of all of us that came to terms sooner with the loss of our father as he was the only one of us with him when he died.

As someone else has said I would just point out to him that it was good that he was there to give this man every chance and that he did have someone with him and was not alone - and how proud you are of him.

juno

Where did he learn first aid? If it's through one of the bigger organisations and he contacts them they may be able to give details of counselling etc if he thinks it might help. St John's Ambulance might be able to help with this even if he didn't train with them.