Will my violent ex be able to track me down?

whatup

mspig wrote: »

Back 11 years ago i was in your shoes, just be wary at the way that these men do things to get what they want.

I'm not glad you've been through it too but PHEW what a relief to find someone else that's been through it and come out the other side. The advice you have given is invaluable to me, I had a cry when I read how your life is today, it's amazing for you and it's so positive, I just can't see I'll ever be in a position to relax and be free and that makes me incredibly sad. :sad:

On a positive note I know what I'm doing is the right thing for my kids and that keeps me going

Thank you so much for your post and all the best in your now lovely life x

Vomityspice

whatup wrote: »

This is exactly what I needed practical advice and lots of it :T:T



Too late :mad: Thought at the time that a contact order would protect the kids and give them the stability of seeing their dad. Since then he tried to take our lives and the order is nothing but a hindrance, it could prevent us from disappearing, I face prison for contempt of court for not allowing contact and for abducting my own kids for their own safety - the law won't protect us so I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

Ok. A contact order may have has been made but your plan to 'disappear' can still be put into effect! Your ex could apply to the court to raise the issue of the breach but as you can't be served, until you resurface, any application would be a waste of money. As it would be a 'private law' case, the police would be disinterested so as long as you stay hidden, he won't be able to enforce the Contact Order.

You aren't abducting your own children as long as you don't leave the country (do the children have passports?). The fact that your ex won't know where you are isn't your problem. Note that your ex 'could' potentially make contact with Social Services and report that you are abusing your children. If taken seriously (it could happen!), then your passports will be put on the airports / ports 'watchlist'. If you attempt to leave the country( via normal methods), you will be pulled aside by the Borders Agency and arrested.

If you wish to avoid being stopped the easiest route out is to get a ferry to Northern Ireland (part of the Uk so no Boarder check) and then walk across the boarder to Eire. Fly out to new destination. Note that your passport will be swiped so a record would be made, however the UK Agencies would not be informed. You would need to go to a country that does not comply with then EU regulation on 'abducted children' (might be a UN charter?). Otherwise if your found, your ex can simply make an application for the children to be returned. You have no chance of defending the application. This leaves South America or Cyprus as safe countries to alight to.

As leaving the country is particularly drastic, your easier option is to disappear within the UK. Much cheaper and you won't have to learn a new language!

whatup

babyshoes wrote: »

Mailinator is good for signing up to sites where you won't need to get regular mail, just a one off to activate the account. (https://www.mailinator.com)

I didn't know about this - thank you! and thanks you for all your other advice it's given me things to think about

whatup

skint_chick wrote: »

If you're claiming benefits/tax credits you need to give them an address and then set up a re-direction. Talk to Women's Aid they are great at helping with all this and the emotional fallout of it.

What do you do about claiming housing/council tax benefit? They need to know where you live and want proof of child benefit. Can you help with this?

Thank you for all of your post

whatup

Vomityspice wrote: »

Ok. A contact order may have has been made but your plan to 'disappear' can still be put into effect! Your ex could apply to the court to raise the issue of the breach but as you can't be served, until you resurface, any application would be a waste of money. As it would be a 'private law' case, the police would be disinterested so as long as you stay hidden, he won't be able to enforce the Contact Order.

Oh no too late again :mad: BUT judge wasn't even interested in looking at the case until Police matters have been dealt with, don't know when that will be, so at the moment that's good right?

Note that your ex 'could' potentially make contact with Social Services and report that you are abusing your children. If taken seriously (it could happen!)

Again too late :mad: ex has tried everything to take kids from me BUT SS did not take him serious and have made notes in case he tries to do it again. Is this only way that passports will be on alert. If I can't be found to go to court can passports be put on notice at the passport office for when I renew passports or for if I try to change names on passports by deed poll?

Loved your info re Eire :T Not planning on leaving UK to live abroad - does this mean not leaving UK even for a holiday?

Thank you so much for your time

VK-2008

hugs to you

you are doing the right thing

not got much advice apart from speak to a womans refuge they can give great details

also when you get settled what i would do as an extra is inform your new local police of the situation they can put a marker against your name and address and it would mean should your ex come near you and you need police you will be seen urgently and i mean urgently
the local female and child unit at police can chat you through this
you would not be a bother in doing this and it just gives you extra piece of mind i do it all the time at work and it helps so many vulnerable people!

best wishes to the 3 of you

Cherry_Blossom_Storm

Hi Whatup,

I'm sure I don't have anything too helpful to offer you, and you've had some amazing (and insightful!) advice from the people on here, so I won't try to offer advice I know little about. I just really wanted to add something as this thread has been on my mind since seeing it yesterday. Firstly, I wanted to send an electronic hug and wish you all the best, I'm sure you'll get it all sorted.

I remembered reading an article a couple of years ago, somewhere like Readers Digest. It may not be of any use, but I figured if it was useless, then nothing's lost by me posting, but if you get something from it then great. It was about a man named Frank Ahearn - he used to be a detective or bounty hunter - now he uses all the skills he has to help people disappear off the grid entirely.

The reason this may not be helpful us that a) he's American, and so the things he recommends possibly don't apply in the UK and b) it's a paid service he offers so not sure how much info you can get for free! Plus, I don't want to add to your stress - and I think this was largely for people who were running from the mob in America etc, so while I don't want to downplay your situation in any way, I think the advice he offers was very, very extreme!

Anyway, I remembered the article and how fascinating it was, so I don't know if he's worth googling even if you get one or two tips on the more obscure things that you may not think about. I wish I still had the article for you.

Well, as I said, I didn't want to not post this and think that it may have helped you at all, but of course apologies if it is completely unhelpful and feel free to ignore me completely. I maintain that I know nothing about this really and that other posters are probably much better in their advice!!

Good luck, and you sound like an amzingly strong person who will get yourself and your children through this.

Cherry
xxxx

Sodapop

VK-2008 wrote: »

also when you get settled what i would do as an extra is inform your new local police of the situation they can put a marker against your name and address and it would mean should your ex come near you and you need police you will be seen urgently and i mean urgently

I know someone who has this - it is called an 'instant response marker' and if a call comes in from their address they will dispatch police immediately (rather than waiting to take details, find out what the reason is, etc). The police also had some people come out from an organisation called something like 'homecare' who checked the house was secure, put some better locks on, that kind of thing.

Good luck - what you are doing is scary but it is the right thing and you will be so glad you did it.

kendalls_cave

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I repeat what has already been said.

I was in this situation 4.5 years ago. The police and housing relocated me to another part of the country.
As it was a violence situation and i could prove it, I didn't have to pay for the deed pole to be done - usually about £50 per person. I got loads of photo copies of the dead pole , did one template letter, and sent it to all the people who need to know. By law you can't choose a real common name like "smith" but i choose something nobody would connect with myself.
Don't join social networking sites - friends know friends and it's too risky. Initially ( for the first year) I did have a connection to the local police station, and now just have a video camera on the door bell.

It's only now I'm settling down and feeling safer, but it does get better

HTH

whatup

kendalls_cave wrote: »

I didn't have to pay for the deed pole to be done - usually about £50 per person. I got loads of photo copies of the dead pole , did one template letter, and sent it to all the people who need to know.

Hello and thank you for your post. Please could you let me have a copy of the template letter you used (without your details of course) - private message me if you don't want to post it here. Also how did you get the deed poll company to do it for free?