Will my violent ex be able to track me down?

Indie_Kid

Evansangel wrote: »

Is it required to change your whole name? As that might confuse the twins.

That may depend on how common the surname is. Because if your surname is something common like Smith, it might be harder to track you down.

kjmtidea

There was a thread on here the other day about changing your name and I am sure that someone said it was free to do if you just find the forms online? Might be worth a look?

I can't believe the police aren't helping you, I hope that you have some sort of support network and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Vomityspice

If you want to be difficult to trace you will need to do a number of things.

1) Do not tell ANYONE your new address or area you are living in. A quick search on social networking sites would quickly narrow down the area you were in and then it's just a matter of time before you can be found. The more people that know where you are, the easier it is to be found.

2) If your really serious about not being found then sadly you would need to forget any friend you currently have as they could inadvertently give details of your location to some one committed to finding you. You must NEVER contact them again. If there are people you 'need' to keep in touch with this will greatly increase the chance of you being traced. Letters / emails all have identifying information on / in them. If you really MUST keep in contact hen it is possible, but you need to be more organised! Lets say your living in Cornwall and want to write to your mother in Sheffield. To ensure the nice post office don't give the game away (automatic franking machines will blow your cover) then you would need to travel to London to post the letter. That way, the post mark cannot give any details of where you are living.

3) You don't need to pay money to change your name, legally you can call yourself anything you want. As you children are still young, a good option is to use Smith as a surname as this will make tracing far more difficult. If your children have 'unusual names' then it would be best to change it (possibly initially as a nick name) to something less identifying (i.e. if child A is called Fifi Trixabel (Blame Bob Geldolf!) then tracing the child when it starts school would be trivial).

4) Banks / Telephone providers are notorious for being poor with data security. Tracking is extremely difficult if you transact in cash only. If you need a mobile phone, buy a PAYG (with cash) and NEVER buy a top up with a debit card! as this will establish a link back to you. When you get your phone ensure that you block your caller ID to everyone. If you receive a call that you do not recognise, then simply do not answer the phone. Let them leave a message (NB do not leave a personal greeting on your phone, use the network provider's default voice) . If it is important you can txt (dangerous as it displays your phone number) or phone back. When you buy your phone, make sure it is from a shop with no CCTV. Alternatively, get a friend to buy it for you with cash.

5) The further away you move the better, womens aid can assist and they have good links to local authority's to assist with rehousing. The last thing you want is to be recognised by acquaintances because your living in the next town!

6) In your new area, don't talk about where you have come from and why. Make up a story and stick to it with new people you meet. I.e. You lost you job and needed to relocate.

7) Change your appearance. If you are known for your long blond hair, cut it short any dye it brown (the more non de script the better). The less visual clues to search by, the less likelihood you will be found that way.

8) With the introduction of facial recognition technology into social networking sites, avoid having your photo taken whenever possible. This means if your forced into 'group photos' , look away or cover your face. Just remember the Darwin's lovely photo of themselves together in South America.......

9) Thankfully Contact Point is no more (as this would make it trivial to discover where the children are living), but the NHS will have extensive details of you. If / when you register with a Dr, just the 'temp' register method with a false name. When the Dr's get bored with asking you to register, go to another surgery. Repeat the method until you run out of local Dr's then start again. If it has been long enough, the first surgery will not recognise you (ideally 18-24 month lapse)

10) Change your habits! If your a committed 10 pin bowler (for example) then joining your local team is complete stupidity. You will need to break all links to your previous life so that these lines of discovery will be fruitless.

Hope that gives you some idea on what you would need to do. Also note that you could consider legal action against your ex. However, you would need to weigh up the risk of ongoing legal action. I.e. if I wanted to find you, I would serve papers on your solicitor (who is duty bound to inform you) and then when you didn't turn up for the hearing (as you don't want to see me), I would ask that a warrant was issued (because of contempt of court). When you were forced to appear, I would simply pay someone to follow you home.

You would also need to think about that if your ex is bright enough, he would make an application for contact (£150 at his local court) and if your whereabouts are known by your solicitor, they would be required to notify you. If you have no address to serve papers to (because no one knows it!), then any court application would be useless as the papers couldn't be served.

Marv02

Have you ever considered changing your name? It only costs like 10 bucks / £7.50 these days to do so. Change your whole name, then move location, once again to leave no trails behind and start again. It's the only thing I can think of 2:30 in the morning.

ThinkingOfLinking

I looked into changing my name a couple of years ago and it's actually almost £50 by Deed Poll....

Morglin

As your children are so young, I would arrange for a change of name for all 3 of you.

This site gives info on Deed Poll changes:

http://www.ukdps.co.uk/

Best wishes.

Lin

Squiggly_Diddly

Kjmtidea is right - you can change your name by deed poll for free. I did it 4 years ago - I found the wording on the internet, typed it all up inserting old & new names in the relevant spots & printed out 4 copies (I bought some posh cream paper from whsmith but you can just use ordinary paper). I then got those 4 witnessed (by a couple of friends) and that was it! You do not have to pay anyone 'official' to witness it (though in your case if you don't want others to know where you are or what you are doing you may prefer to do so?). They also don't need to have a legal seal on. I did 4 originals to allow for more than one being sent off in the post when notifying people or in case any got lost.
I then sent off to change my passport first, followed by driving licence & once those main IDs were done worked my way through everything else. I've never had any difficulties with changing details anywhere using my own deed poll. You also don't need to register it centrally anywhere (which may help confuse the trail?).

I did see a thread with some asking about changing childrens names without permission - not sure how that would work but then again i know of a friend (no longer in contact) who used the free deed poll to change her 2 year olds name & moved away, to escape her ex. The birth certificate will have the original name but the child is known by her new name.

Anyway, hope that helps & good luck.

ailuro2

Have you though about changing your name to something common but unexpected, like Ali or Khan? I don't want to sound racist but wouldn't he be more likely to assume that's not you if he came across the name? You need to change your name NOW, don't delay.

I would also call in to the local police station and explain the situation and ask for advice - maybe the new force will be able to offer you some tips on remaining anonymous. Things like ordering your shopping online so you're not in the supermarket with twins for two hours at a time, moving the days attended at playgroups regularly, not using the same route every time, basically all the things you see people on the telly doing who don't want to be found. You might think it's too dramatic and unsettling for the kids, but you need to stay hidden. Choose a middle sized town or city too, not a small village where people know everyone else, it would be too easy for him to spin a story to get info out of the locals.

Have a story made up too, to tell your new friends, something about your husband dying in a motorbike crash or something - common but not always reported in papers if they get curious.;)

gratefulforhelp_2

Vomityspice wrote: »

If you want to be difficult to trace you will need to do a number of things.

Wow, what a detailed and helpful post. eta that sounded a bit sarcastic, but wasn't meant to be.

I would add, choose somewhere urban, as people ask fewer questions of their neighbours.

ailuro not racist at all, and very sensible, presuming the OP doesn't already have a name like that.

Good luck honey.

babyshoes

Have you considered moving to another country entirely? It would be just as much of an upheaval for the kids as moving to another town, and if you go to an ex-British colony, the culture won't be too different to what you are used to.

Change your name before you leave, book tickets in the new name, move, then a few months later change your name AGAIN to something entirely different.

If you need email etc to keep in touch with family and friends use a free address set up with false contact details. If you really want to use Facebook, set up a page with a completely different name to the one you will be using and with made up contact details, don't post any pictures ever, and only tell a few people about it.

Mailinator is good for signing up to sites where you won't need to get regular mail, just a one off to activate the account. (https://www.mailinator.com)

If you want to meet up with family / friends in the future, don't meet at your new home or anywhere nearby. Meet in a busy area some way away, then move as a group elsewhere for the rest of the visit after you have met up at the agreed spot.

Consider changing your kids' appearance too - dyeing hair, change of hairstyle wearing glasses with plain glass etc.

As extreme as it may be, in the short term you could let their hair grow a bit or get wigs, dress them in androgynous or even girly clothing and use non-gendered nick names for them. At that age, and for a short time, it won't scar them for life or make them question their sexuality or anything like that! If you make it into a game, they should hopefully go along with it. Obviously not something you could do long term, but if it helps you get away initially it would be worth it for a few months. (If you decide to go with a wig, shave their heads so people think they have had cancer if they take the wig off when it gets hot or uncomfortable - or maybe only do it for one, so they look like a brother and sister...)

I agree with changing your surname to something common like Smith, though perhaps be a bit more subtle and less stereotyped and go with Jones or Green which are also very common but not the first 'false' name you think of - second or third perhaps!

You may also need to change first names as has been suggested if they are unusual.

It may also be worthwhile sending the boys to different schools, so anyone looking for them would have to do more than phoning schools asking about twins named X and Y - because even if their names are not unsual individually, there probably aren't many twin pairs of that age with that combination of names...

Are they very identical? If one is a bit larger than the other, maybe dye his hair a slightly different colour - don't go too drastic as it will look fake, buy him shoes with a slight heel and pass him off as being a year older - maybe easier to do for a longer time than pretending one is a sister!

Sorry this is a bit higgldy piggldy - have just put the ideas down as they came to me! Hope some of it is useful or at least has made you think. Good luck.