Inheritence, DH and FIL, long Rant alert....

peachyprice

sassyblue wrote: »

Suggest you two go back to the beginning and read properly, someone stepping in to stop them receiving money that should have been theirs is cheating them.

I worry about the world you live in if you think not.

I think it's you who needs to re-read the post properly, no-one has stopped them receiving the money, they just have to wait longer than OP wants.

I too worry about the world you live in where you think it's OK for a person to throw a hissy fit because they don't get what they want when they want it.

bestpud

Padstow wrote: »

"It's not big and it's not clever."
Was that in jest? From a Nurse?

I hope so given she has fabricated the bit about the fil lying, while berating others for supposedly making bits up! :rotfl:

He hasn't lied or cheated them - he may well do so but he hasn't yet - fact!

BallandChain

JaneRN wrote: »

You talk about morals which is exactly my point, her wishes are that she wants some of her money to help her grandson. Your quote above doesn't come across as you have many morals when it comes to this though, wishing the son be disinherited in favour of someone who is no relation to the lady whos estate is being discussed.

You seem to have this thing about if people aren't related they shouldn't inherit. If the grandmother had wanted the grandson in her will she would have done so when it was drawn up. Her son (FIL) will get what she left him and what he decides to do is up to him. He hasn't disinherited his son yet....

BallandChain

sassyblue wrote: »

lol so if you were left money by someone who'd made a verbal request you'd say 'no thanks there should have been a proper will written up and l'm too proud and make my own way in life...'

Don't think so. :rotfl:

Being cheated out of money is hurtful - l doubt if anyone would find it a nice experience - but some people can get over it better than others. The OP is angry and l don't blame her but she will come to terms with it if you offer support in her thread.

What I am saying is if I was in the same position as the OP's husband I certainly wouldn't be bleating on about my rightful inheritance and verbal agreements. That's what wills are for! I do not think that it is my God given birthright to inherit. Do people really have no pride?

Susan_Frost

OP, if fil is such a bully, and has interfered so much in your lives, why do you encourage your husband to keep in touch so much. It seems as though, part of his dealing with his father is to keep a low profile, though without falling out. Surely that is a sensible way to deal with difficult family members.

If you are in touch less often, maybe fil could not interfer so much, and you can have a family life which suits you both. I dont mean cut him out completely, by any means. Just - decide what you and DH feel is an acceptable amount of contact and work with that. He can only bully you over things he knows about - so dont share too many confidences with him.

Not easy.

JaneRN

bestpud wrote: »

I hope so given she has fabricated the bit about the fil lying, while berating others for supposedly making bits up! :rotfl:

He hasn't lied or cheated them - he may well do so but he hasn't yet - fact!

I haven't fabricated anything, the OP said nan had sold her house and she wanted to leave some of that money to her grandson and FIL wouldn't help her change her will but promised to carry out her wishes. He hasn't, he's put an offer in on another house for himself with this money - not given the grandson anything.

bestpud

JaneRN wrote: »

I haven't fabricated anything, the OP said nan had sold her house and she wanted to leave some of that money to her grandson and FIL wouldn't help her change her will but promised to carry out her wishes. He hasn't, he's put an offer in on another house for himself with this money - not given the grandson anything.

Yeah I see where you're coming from.

He may yet stay true to his word though so we can't say he's cheated them yet.

peachyprice

twoflower169 wrote: »

DH's nan died a few weeks ago, dh has known for a number of years that when nan died he would inherit a few thousand,


dh had told fil our plans to build conservatory(we are desperate for a dining area, new baby on the way as well as a toddler) and then we planned to sort stuff out around the house for example boiler, we didn't however explain that we are on a dmp and plan to use the rest to pay off as much as possible. (not that its actually any of his business what we do with it)

^ Maybe this is why the fil is making them wait. ^

OP says they were expecting a few thousand, yet in their heads they've spent a lot more than that. A conservatory and boiler is going to come to a fair old whack, £10k as a guestimate? then to have some left over to go towards a DMP? This is a lot more than what I would consider to be a few thousand. Perhaps the fil can see the impertinence of them already having a shopping list of well over a few thousand and is therefore making stew.

Who knows, as I said before, we only have one side of this story, it's the DH I feel sorry for, torn between the two of them.

JaneRN

bestpud wrote: »

Yeah I see where you're coming from.

He may yet stay true to his word though so we can't say he's cheated them yet.

I hope not - but if nan had changed her will, as she asked, the grandson would have it now. The FIL it seems assured his mother he would carry out her wishes ie, as per her will, so he hasn't been fair as he would have paid it as part of all other moneys owed. The grandson is now depending on the sale of a property and that as we all know is a sore topic at this time. The FIL felt no guilt in "gifting" himself some of his mums money while she was still alive but is dragging his feet when it comes to taking care of his son. It is not how I would treat my son is all I can say.
Much as my son frustrates the hell out of me most of the time and I fear he would not use my money wisely I fully support the fact that he is my son and heir. He would have to do something pretty dreadful for me to ever consider leaving him out of my will (not that I've made one - but this is a very good example of why I should).
I know the lady in question should have been more insistant about amending her will but we have to appreciate that her circumstances are not like mine (and I suppose most on this forum) as her son had POA and was in control of her finances. I think the older generation in particular can be less clued up about the legal ins & outs. My nan would do the "guided tour" with my mum every time she felt ill and would give verbal instructions of who's to have or not have what. It wasn't a problem for us as there was nothing much for her to leave but there are those that are niaive to the implications and trust their verbal wishes will surfice. We can critise this but it doesn't alter that fact that this is what some believe and hope for.