Inheritence, DH and FIL, long Rant alert....

JaneRN

If you read back the OP said that the nan did want to change her will but was bullied by the son to an extent and he assured her that he would do so. I know that the generation of my grandparents didn't have much to leave and didn't fully understand the "legal" implications. They no doubt hoped that their wished would be respected by those they entrusted to see it through. You are right about making sure all our wishes are fully documented and witnessed etc but it doesn't alter the fact that this lady wanted to help her grandson. Something that seems perfectly reasonable and acceptable. I would never dream of depriving my children or grandchildren out of spite which is what you are suggesting when you say you hope the FIL disinherits the son in favour of a current wife.

BallandChain

The lady had a choice when making her will and she had put her son as the beneficiary. What she could have done or didn't do is neither here nor there. We don't know what the FIL's point of view is in all this or indeed what he is like, we only have one side. The FIL did say the son would get his money, but he doesn't have to legally do so. Morally? Well that is something else. Whatever the FIL decides to do with his own will is entirely up to him and inheritance doesn't go to those who think they should get it.

JaneRN

BallandChain wrote: »

well I just hope FIL does keep the money and should anything happen to him I hope his wife will inherit it.

You talk about morals which is exactly my point, her wishes are that she wants some of her money to help her grandson. Your quote above doesn't come across as you have many morals when it comes to this though, wishing the son be disinherited in favour of someone who is no relation to the lady whos estate is being discussed.

sassyblue

BallandChain wrote: »

It seems your DH would be quite happy not to see his father, or at least not see much of him going by the highlighted parts. It appears to me that you want to 'keep in' with FIL because of this money you feel should have been left to your husband. Sorry if that upsets you but that's how you come across.

For those saying bide your time the money will come, well I just hope FIL does keep the money and should anything happen to him I hope his wife will inherit it.

I find something very distasteful in people expecting to inherit. I've never expected to inherit and to be honest I'm too independent and too proud that I wouldn't even borrow from family when others have. I've always made my own way. Nobody should expect anything, you make your own way in this life. If somebody is toxic you do not have to see them. Life is too short to get upset over something you cannot take with you when you die!

lol so if you were left money by someone who'd made a verbal request you'd say 'no thanks there should have been a proper will written up and l'm too proud and make my own way in life...'

Don't think so. :rotfl:

Being cheated out of money is hurtful - l doubt if anyone would find it a nice experience - but some people can get over it better than others. The OP is angry and l don't blame her but she will come to terms with it if you offer support in her thread.

peachyprice

JaneRN wrote: »

If you read back the OP said that the nan did want to change her will but was bullied by the son to an extent and he assured her that he would do so.

We only have OP's word for this. She thinks very little of her FIL and will only see the bad in him. The fact that she's stamping her little feet because she wants her money NOW, so she can have her conservatory NOW and doesn't want to wait until FIL has sold his house clearly demontrates this.

sassyblue wrote: »

Being cheated out of money is hurtful - l doubt if anyone would find it a nice experience - but some people can get over it better than others. The OP is angry and l don't blame her but she will come to terms with it if you offer support in her thread.

She hasn't been cheated out of anything, she just doesn't want to wait

bestpud

peachyprice wrote: »

She hasn't been cheated out of anything, she just doesn't want to wait

Exactly! She'd 'spent' the money already and is now miffed it isn't going to happen as soon as she thought.

We don't know yet whether the money will materialise or not - the fil may well keep to his word.

JaneRN

peachyprice wrote: »

We only have OP's word for this. She thinks very little of her FIL and will only see the bad in him. The fact that she's stamping her little feet because she wants her money NOW, so she can have her conservatory NOW and doesn't want to wait until FIL has sold his house clearly demontrates this.

We only ever have the word of anyone on this forum unless you have some other knowledge of the situation? Based on what she described it sounds like her FIL is a bully and that is all I base my advice on, she may well only see the bad in him because that is how he is. I don't go beyond what is written or twist things to make it look like she is in the wrong so I can sit anonymously and add insult to injury. From what we are told the nan was keen to help her grandson and asked the FIL to help - he assured her he would but lied. Based on that, and that alone, is what I respond to -I don't try and embroider it into something I have no idea of. If you can't offer anything constructive then try and refrain from being nasty - it's not big and it's not clever.

sassyblue

peachyprice wrote: »

She hasn't been cheated out of anything, she just doesn't want to wait

bestpud wrote: »

Exactly! She'd 'spent' the money already and is now miffed it isn't going to happen as soon as she thought.

We don't know yet whether the money will materialise or not - the fil may well keep to his word.

Suggest you two go back to the beginning and read properly, someone stepping in to stop them receiving money that should have been theirs is cheating them.

I worry about the world you live in if you think not.

bestpud

sassyblue wrote: »

Suggest you two go back to the beginning and read properly, someone stepping in to stop them receiving money that should have been theirs is cheating them.

I worry about the world you live in if you think not.

Ok, it seems you yourself have not read the thread through properly so I've highlighted the relevant bits to make life easier for you.

twoflower169 wrote: »

Anyway, fil has just put an offer on a property that when probate comes through he will use all the money to pay for property but no spare for dh's money nan wanted him to have, which means we now have to wait for current property to sell before dh receives his inheritence.

I have always expressed that as it wasn't written in will this could cause problems and that fil is the kind of person who will make sure he has what he has first before anyone else.

On top of this in 15 yrs of being together dh and I have had many disagreements as dh will never stand up to fil even to our detriment as he believes nothing he will say will change his fathers mind so why bother having the confrontation! Which I dont agree with I believe even if it doesn't change fil's mind he would know how dh feels about whatever the situation, fil is one of those people who no one but the odd 1 or 2 (including me) challenges him because he will either shout you down or just bully you into submission. So today when fil told dh how he was buying new property, dh said well that stuffs our plans before baby comes and fil's response was oh well you might have it before then, meaning we have to wait for his current house to sell before( which isn't on the market yet, he plans to decorate it when he moves into the new place) we receive dh's money, that could take months and my question to dh was why didn't fil call before putting in offer and explain it was his plan as I feel this would give dh opportunity to say well what will you do about my money if the house doesn't sell?

twoflower169 wrote: »

4. Yes to those have said as its not in a will its not DH's money, but it was FIL who wouldn't let nan change her will, he went on and on about it so much nan was bullied into submission, when nan tod him he had app with solicitor to change will. And he promised her he would do what she asked. If this had been written in will, DH would have had to be paid his portion like any other person or debt owed to estate at the begining not when it suits the person and as execuiter of a will thats the responsibility you have. ALso fil was only discussing this money with us 2 weeks ago and asked dh what he planned to do with it, and dh explained making life easier before baby comes and fixing boiler etc. He knows we were in a little need.

As you've effectively said my post is incorrect, could you explain how you know he will not pay this money once the house is sold, please?

I said we don't know if they will get the money and you say they've been cheated out of it.

You asked me to read the thread properly but the thread supports my post, not yours.

They did not tell the fil how dire their money situation is - the OP says so in her first post.

Therefore, he probably asked to check and now thinks a conservatory and a boiler are not top priorities so they can wait a while.

I think it's a sad world where people 'spend' an inheritance before the deceased is 'cold' but there you go.

Padstow

"It's not big and it's not clever."
Was that in jest? From a Nurse?