What will help my grief? Burial at home or individual cremation

sewandsew

Glad she is home with you now. Best wishes in the future.

EmptyPockets

I'm really pleased to hear Nell is now back at home with you - I know, not in the form you want her, but she is there with you, where she belongs. Just take the days as they come. Follow your instincts re what to do with her urn - you may keep them in the house forever, you may decide to bury them on the anniversary of her passing - there's no right or wrong way.

Quinny_2

Having followed this story from the beginning, I'm pleased to see that it's come to what I think is the right conclusion. No person in their right mind would not want to have their beloved pet back home where he/she belongs.

You and your husband will know in time that you have done the right thing by Nell, and I'm sure she will know also. I'm convinced she's watching over you right now.

When the time is right, I guess you'll want to have another set of 4 paws in the house, and as I have said before, you'll know when that time will be.

Whatever happens, nothing will ever replace Nell, but from your story I'm sure you'll make another dog very happy.

Take care for the future.

Ken.

tankgirl1

EmptyPockets wrote: »

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Rest in Peace beautiful Nell.

I was also upset by the comment made on another thread, regarding the treatment of certain pets at the vets - however, please do as I have done and put it out of your mind. Don't think about it, because they will be taking good care of Nell and treating her with respect.

Sincere condolances for your loss of Nell. Those 4 legged furry things mean the world to us, and you showed her the ultimate act of love by letting her go with dignity....

I have worked as a veterinary nurse for over 12 years, and although I didn't see the offending post about the treatmeant of deceased pets, I can tell you what I have seen over my 12 years...

All pets are treated with respect and dignity after they pass - they were a living, feeling, loving being, and deserve to be treated as such. Yes, unfortunatley, they need to go into cold storage, as do humans, but every colleague I have ever worked with has done this carefully and respectfully, ensuring that their last 'lay down' is one where they look comfortable and at peace.

I really do wish animals would close their eyes when they pass - sadly they don't, which can be very disconcerting and upsetting. I always cover any deceased pet with a clean towel or blanket as a gesture of respect.

As for private cremation - despite the horror stories on the internet, the animals ARE individually cremated, and our practice partners have visited the local pet crematorium on many occasions to satisfy themselves of this. Our local crem also allows owners to bring their deceased pets to the directly, and to be there for the cremation.

I myself buried my pooch in the garden and I regret it. It was a decision made whilst in sever shock, and at the pushing of my family because I couldn't afford a private cremation at the time, and they couldn't lend me the money. If I ever move I will be devestated, and in hindsight, most vets and crem companies are very sympathetic, and will allow you to pay later.

I hope that helps, if only just a lil bit

xxx

virgin_moneysaver

tankgirl1 wrote: »

Sincere condolances for your loss of Nell. Those 4 legged furry things mean the world to us, and you showed her the ultimate act of love by letting her go with dignity....

I have worked as a veterinary nurse for over 12 years, and although I didn't see the offending post about the treatmeant of deceased pets, I can tell you what I have seen over my 12 years...

All pets are treated with respect and dignity after they pass - they were a living, feeling, loving being, and deserve to be treated as such. Yes, unfortunatley, they need to go into cold storage, as do humans, but every colleague I have ever worked with has done this carefully and respectfully, ensuring that their last 'lay down' is one where they look comfortable and at peace.

I really do wish animals would close their eyes when they pass - sadly they don't, which can be very disconcerting and upsetting. I always cover any deceased pet with a clean towel or blanket as a gesture of respect.

As for private cremation - despite the horror stories on the internet, the animals ARE individually cremated, and our practice partners have visited the local pet crematorium on many occasions to satisfy themselves of this. Our local crem also allows owners to bring their deceased pets to the directly, and to be there for the cremation.

I myself buried my pooch in the garden and I regret it. It was a decision made whilst in sever shock, and at the pushing of my family because I couldn't afford a private cremation at the time, and they couldn't lend me the money. If I ever move I will be devestated, and in hindsight, most vets and crem companies are very sympathetic, and will allow you to pay later.

I hope that helps, if only just a lil bit

xxx

it does - & I know that Vet practices differ, the 1st one I took her to in our town reeled off a list as long as yr arm saying what was wrong with her & what would be needed, he finished with 'you'll be lucky if she lasts a year' - this was after a being passed by another vet at the local pound as a healthy dog, the pounds maxim being 'that they do not destroy healthy dogs, some of the dogs there have been there 2 years or more, they're all given names - the breeds there are about 80% some sort of bull terrrier

we then went back to our usual vet 8 miles away, a drag in the rush hour traffic but worth it in the end, Mr Rogers dismissed most of that other vets findings, & treated her just for the slight incontinence, which he put down to a combination of 'her age, her sex & her breed' - what he said bore out as we had her for nearly 4 years & for the first 2 years she was a sprightly thing until her first 'funny turn'

EmptyPockets

tankgirl1 wrote: »

I really do wish animals would close their eyes when they pass - sadly they don't, which can be very disconcerting and upsetting.

xxx

Thank you so much for posting that comment.

When we lost our dog, she had gone in for a massive op, and didn't make it through. Our vet told us her heart stopped twice while under anaesthetic and they just couldn't get her back as the trauma to her body had been too much - anyway, he said she would have just gone to sleep and known nothing about what was happening to her, but when we went to visit her afterwards, I was really shocked to see her eyes were open. But stupidly I didn't ask the vet why...

Since then I have been wondering why her eyes were open and wondering if the vet lied to me and she was actually awake when it all happened - stupid I know, why would he lie?! Anyway you've really put my mind at rest over that so thank you.

emiliah

Just looking in to see how you are doing, and pleased to see you have Nell's ashes at home.

I hope you find this a comfort, and that the pain will gradually ease for you.

Tropez

I am sorry for the loss of your loved one. Clearly, the process caused you much distress which I can understand as making the decision to put a dog to sleep is a truly awful one, especially the very first time it is done.

Last year, I had to have my much loved dog, Angelica, put to sleep due to rapidly deteriorating health. It was an awful process. Like you, we opted to have her cremated and she was returned to us in a tasteful urn. We then purchased a small box for the urn to go inside and buried her in the garden near to a Japanese maple tree she used to enjoy laying under in the summer and planted a rose on top of her. I was originally concerned my other two (now three) would damage the rose in some way but oddly they always behave themselves when they're in that area, so much so that sometimes I wonder whether they know what the rose symbolises.

I am sincerely sorry to hear of your loss. From one owner to another, I wish you all the best and I am glad that everything regarding the cremation was carried out well. I hope that you find the most comfort in your memories, of which I am sure you have many good ones and I hope that whatever you may do with the urn in the future you can find something that provides fond memories and as much comfort as possible.

virgin_moneysaver

just a quick update - I still find it strange without her & if I'm distracted I sometimes do things as if she is still here, as I can't bring myself to have another dog I went on to Dogs Trust to sponser a dog - I decided to see if there were any springers to sponser & there was one whose name is my husbands nickname! - seemed too good to miss up so I've signed up & am now sponsering 'Barney" in rememberance of Nell