What will help my grief? Burial at home or individual cremation

virgin_moneysaver

emiliah wrote: »

I'm so very sorry to hear about Nell.

I do know how you feel, but you mustn't feel guilty. You obviously loved her very much and they rely on us to do the right thing and not let them suffer.

I took a great deal of comfort from knowing what lovely lives my dogs had with us - both rescue greyhounds - and although it might seem impossible at the moments, you will soon remember the lovely times you had together.

We brought both our dogs home to bury, and marked them with a little tree or shrub.

I know it's probably the furthest thought from your mind at the moment, but maybe when you feel a little better, going along to a rescue centre and giving one of the poor little souls there a loving home would bring you some happiness.

you are right, the way I feel at the moment, I never want to go thru this again, this was my 1st experience (and last) at putting an animal to sleep, to me she was a member of the family and I just want to turn the clock back and have her with me - I've tried looking at photos today of when she was well, to try & put the mental picture of the vets table out of my mind, but it just sets me off, ever little thing to do with her sets me off

EmptyPockets

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

you are right, the way I feel at the moment, I never want to go thru this again, this was my 1st experience (and last) at putting an animal to sleep, to me she was a member of the family and I just want to turn the clock back and have her with me - I've tried looking at photos today of when she was well, to try & put the mental picture of the vets table out of my mind, but it just sets me off, ever little thing to do with her sets me off

I know it doesn't help you to hear this, but what you're feeling and thinking is all totally normal. Reading your posts brings back the clear memories of when we lost Suki. I remember DH and I both saying we never wanted another dog. We never wanted to love another the way we loved her, and we never ever wanted to risk feeling that sort of pain again.

But I promise you, time really is a good healer. Slowly, day by day, it will start to hurt less. You will always miss Nell, of course you will, but the good, fond memories will soon start to ward off the pain. Nell will always be with you. In your heart, and in spirit if you believe as I do.

Now, only three months later, we have two new dogs, both rescues, and they are filling our days with laughter and fun. We think about Suki every day. We talk about her with smiles, not tears, and we know that we are honouring her memory in the best possible way by giving these new dogs the love and care that she received in her short five years with us.

Many hugs to you (((♥))) x

Froglet

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
The sun will rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
Remembering how I'd lay my head
In your lap that special way.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me.
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And petted me with her hand.
She said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But, as I turned to heel away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I never thought
That I would have to die.
I had so much to live for,
So many sits and downs to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought about our lives together,
I know you must be sad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
Remember how I'd nudge your hand,
And poke you with my nose?
The frisbee I would gladly chase,
The bad guy, I'd "bark and hold".
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd wag my tail and kiss you,
Just so I could see you smile.
But, then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories
Will take the place of me.
And when I thought of treats and toys,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My dog-heart filled with sorrow.
But then I walked through Heaven's gate,
And felt so much at home;
As God looked down and smiled at me,
From His beautiful golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
And now we welcome you,
Today your life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
For you see, each days's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
Now you have been so faithful,
So trusting, loyal and true;
Though there were times you did things,
You knew you shouldn't do. But good dogs are forgiven,
And now at last you're free;
So won't you sit here by my side,
And wait right here with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right there, in your heart.


Most of us on here have been through this and the guilt is perfectly normal.I too was shocked at how quickly my dog passed away after the injection.i felt i hadn't had long enough.but i had years of her love and now it was time to give love back in the form of the selfless act we must all make to spare our animals any more suffering.

It is too soon yet to think about another but here is a poem that kind of reminds us why dogs have such short lives compared to us

When humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes and all they have
to those they love.


I, too, would make a will if I could write.
To some poor wistful, lonely stray
I leave my happy home,
My dish, my cosy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy.
The well loved lap, the gentle stroking hand,
the loving voice,
The place I made in someone's heart,
The love that at the last could help me to
a peaceful painless end
Held in loving arms.

If I should die, Oh do not say,
"No more a pet I'll have,
to grieve me by it's loss"
Seek out some lonely, unloved dog
And give my place to him.
This is the legacy I leave behind -
'tis all I have to give

virgin_moneysaver

EmptyPockets wrote: »

I know it doesn't help you to hear this, but what you're feeling and thinking is all totally normal. Reading your posts brings back the clear memories of when we lost Suki. I remember DH and I both saying we never wanted another dog. We never wanted to love another the way we loved her, and we never ever wanted to risk feeling that sort of pain again.

But I promise you, time really is a good healer. Slowly, day by day, it will start to hurt less. You will always miss Nell, of course you will, but the good, fond memories will soon start to ward off the pain. Nell will always be with you. In your heart, and in spirit if you believe as I do.

Now, only three months later, we have two new dogs, both rescues, and they are filling our days with laughter and fun. We think about Suki every day. We talk about her with smiles, not tears, and we know that we are honouring her memory in the best possible way by giving these new dogs the love and care that she received in her short five years with us.

Many hugs to you (((♥))) x

I came back on here to ask how you were doing 3 months down the line but you beat me to it, to me she's irreplaceable but I bow to your experience, and obviously others who I see with new dogs months later - I think also shock has a lot to do with it, I just wasn't prepared for the speed of the injection, good for her I know, but I was expecting her breathing to diminish gradually, yesterday morning I had a waggy girl, now shes gone

Froglet

I think when the raw pain has diminished,you will be grateful that it was so quick,rather than perhaps see her fading away and imagine she is struggling to breathe.I just wish the vets would warn us how quick it takes place.

I buried both my dogs in the garden straight away and they each have a headstone and a rose planted there.However my mum had her dog cremated and his ashes are in a lovely wooden box she keeps in her bedroom.We are all different and no way is right or wrong.

I also have in my hall,so i pass it and look up every day,a multi photo frame of my dogs and their best photos.It s comforting and i can smile now and remember all the good times,as you will ,i promise.

borderlakland

I think given the choice i would rather have an cremation and scatter the ashes somewhere Nell was happy, favourtite park, field beach etc.. just like lots of humans request.
as others have said, in time you will gradually remember Nell without tears but with smiles. i always thought people who said this didn't know what they were talking about, until it happened to me and it does happen, just very slowly.
the second poem that froglet posted is lovely and thought provoking...
grieving a much loved pet(who is def a member of the family) is just as hard (if not harder) than for human member.

CFC

It is heartbreaking and I am sorry for your loss - but although your last memory of her is a disturbing one, her last memory of you is one comforting her while the pain and discomfort faded from her consciousness.

I believe that death is the end for no being, not only is she part of you for ever but you will know her again one day.

clutterydrawer

I'm so sorry for your loss I know how you're feeling and although you'll never miss her less, it does become less raw with time. I do believe that animals' souls live on, if not in an actual "afterlife" then in the tangible effects they had on our own lives. You wouldn't be who you are if you hadn't known Nell, therefore she will always be with you.

It's hard to have to help a pet pass on but it would be even harder to watch her suffering on until she died.

With regards to the burial/cremation, I've always buried my pets because for some reason I'm squeamish about cremation. I like to think of them returning to the earth, nourishing the plants, and being part of the big circle of life. But everyone feels differently about these things and sometimes you can't even know how you'll feel till afterwards. I get a sense of closure from the burial but some people would be upset by the process of digging the actual hole.

I hope you can find something that feels right for you. I know that it feels like your world has ended, it's horrible but it's the price we pay for loving animals.

This link might be helpful if you need to talk:

www.calll.co.uk

hethmar

So very sorry for your loss. My dogs have always fallen to sleep when they go and thats heart breaking enough.

All mine have been buried in our garden - its hard knowing one day we have to leave them when we will get too old to stay in this house but we felt it the best option for us, knowing they were near us and where they had been happiest.

It will take some time for the pain to ease, but it will ease slowly.

God bless xxx

narabanekeater

so sorry about your dog. I used to work in a vets and if you have an questions I will answer them honestly. I havent read the thread you mentioned. I with all my heart trested every animal that was PTS and left with us with dignity.