What will help my grief? Burial at home or individual cremation

wheretheresawill

I worked in a veterinary practice for many years, i never once saw any animal ill treated.

Losing a pet is awful, I still feel raw 4 years on when I think of my beloved girl who was pts, but it was the right thing to do for HER, awful for me, but like you we chose whats best for them, to ease their suffering and they live on within us as memories, and memories never die.

I knew the time had come and accepted that I had to put her interests first, this was the last thing I could do for someone i loved so much and who had provided me with years of joy, support and companionship. I think of her every day, I tortured myself thinking what if she thought I didnt love her...but she knew I loved her more than anything in the world (and still do). Time is a healer but you never forget, you learn to live with the deep emotional and physical pain but hopefully one day we are reunited and I am grateful that I experienced 20 years of loyal friendship

magic57

We had to say goodbye to our beautiful 13 and a half year old labrador last month. She had cancer and it was time. We stayed with her and although it was traumatic I'm glad I did.
I trust our vet they have all been brilliant but I still cry for her sometimes.

We went for cremation as I didn't want to bury her in the garden.

If you trust your vet I'm sure your pet was looked after properly afterwards and I think your reaction is normal. I was all over the place for a couple of weeks and am just beginning to come to terms with it. I was full of doubts about whether it was the right time but in my heart I know we did the right thing as I'm sure you did.

You will start to feel better eventually and remember Nell with happy memories. Her paw prints will always be on your heart. Maybe in time you will have a new friend not to replace her but to love for him or herself.

Best wishes.

virgin_moneysaver

well, we've passed the 1 week anniversary - not had a call from the Vet yet, so I don't know if she's back from the crematorium - at mo printing out the photos on the PC that the eldest brought home on a memory stick from Uni - I am smiling at some of the faces she's pulling - its all very bittersweet - I read 'Rainbow Bridge' today, I hope that I'll see her again 'someday' - I'm not sure if I believe in spirits & the like, I would like something more tangible (I know, not possible!)

virgin_moneysaver

received the letter from the Vet today saying that Nells ashes are ready for collection - thats the next hurdle to cross, will ask DH to collect on Tuesday as I'm not in work next day, so can go to pieces in private

sewandsew

Hi Virgin_moneysaver,
I went through this just over 2 months ago when my darling Ellie "had" to be put to sleep. She was fine on the Monday and dead on the Tuesday. I too was unable to get the vision of her lying there with her eyes opened (and tongue sticking out) from my mind. I was so upset, I cried for days and days. I still get upset every couple of days but it is nowhere near as bad as it was. She is buried in my mums garden and I find comfort as well as upset in that I know where she is but I also see her lying there dead in the bottom of the hole with her eyes open etc. when I look at the grave. I still have her son with me and I continue to meet people asking where the other dog is even now. He misses her terribly as well.
I have now developed a bit of a guilt complex, what if the vet was wrong? maybe she would have been ok in a couple of days. The vet said it was possibily a brain tumour or a stroke and I had no option but to put her to sleep.
Thing will get easier, you have lost a member of your family, not just a pet.
Thinking of you and your family.
x

EmptyPockets

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

received the letter from the Vet today saying that Nells ashes are ready for collection - thats the next hurdle to cross, will ask DH to collect on Tuesday as I'm not in work next day, so can go to pieces in private

Hi v_m

When you get Nell's ashes back, it will probably feel a bit surreal - it did to us. The last time we saw her, she was gone but she was still our Suki... then the next time we saw her, here she was in a little casket with her name on. But having her back in your home will bring you comfort I promise. Maybe not immediately, but when you're used to seeing the casket you'll find each day gets a little easier. Even now I still talk to Suki when I pass her photo next to her little box. So does DH. We talk to her, and about her, all the time. Every day.

Nell will always be with you. She lives on in your heart and every time you think of her xxx

virgin_moneysaver

my eldest is home from Uni digs this w/e so we are going to choose a photo we like best to put next to the urn - I have found looking at photos of when she was well are helping to ease the memory of that last image at the vets

Quinny_2

It will be so hard for you all tomorrow when she returns home, but you will finally be able to grieve properly.

I will be thinking of you during the day.

Ken.

louisdog

Me too, so sorry. My (first ever) dog has just been diagnosed with a liver tumour and I am terrified for when I lose him. I hope having her back at home will bring some comfort.

Cheers
Alex

virgin_moneysaver

Today, Nell made her final journey back home. The head vet who treated Nell brought her out to my husband & asked after me as he knew we had phoned with some questions the day after the event. He appreciated that it was difficult for some owners, especially if it was a first time in helping a beloved pet on their way, He told him that after we left the room he closed her eyes & he also cleaned her up (we were having to bathe her every night at that point) so that she was collected the next morning in a clean & dignified condition. She was cremated the day after being PTS so I found that a comfort that she wasn't 'stored' for too long. They returned her in a terracotta urn, inside a box with a dried flower arrangement & a dated certificate of cremation. After shedding some more tears as I realised again that I would see her no more, she now has pride of place on the bookshelf in the lounge, where she spent most of her time, with my two favourite photos of her (winter coat & summer haircut!). As I'm sat here in the computer room I can see her thru the open lounge door as I would normally see her asleep by the sofa. Time will tell if I find it a comfort having her in her favourite room, at the moment I cannot bring myself to bury the urn, & at the moment I wonder if I ever will