Trying for a Baby Part Six

colli

bigzippy wrote: »

Not really. My joints are hypermobile and unstable so they dislocate too easily. I need to strengthen them before I try that sort of thing really... it's a sloooow process!

Rubbish, sorry. You'll get there though

RebekahR

bigzippy wrote: »

Rebekah, I don't want to sound mean or anything, but are you sure DH wants a baby (now at least)? I would hate for you to get pg and then find out that his heart wasn't really in it and he either resents you for "putting him in this position" (I've heard of it happening before) or not bonding with the baby...

Don't think I will ever know for sure. I did say to him he doesn't seem happy so next month we should just go back on contraception and not bother with it. And he said why in a really shocked voice. I said you clearly don't want a baby and he said but I don't not want a baby. I think he doesn't know himself. He is an only child and hasn't really been round or held a baby before. So the whole entire thing is just new, completely unknown territory for him. But yes at times I do wonder. He calls our baby making making a mistake. But he does it in a jokey way which whilst this is offensive to me I know he means it as in he can't call this baby making. He is in denial and doesn't want to admit we are actually doing it. I dunno ... Sigh.

littleme82

Hello everybody!

Yay to the highs and the ewcm and everything else that is good TTC related!

and hugs to those who need a cuddle!

not much going on my end, temps still up and no tummy aches or anything.

hope you all not having a bad day, the weather here is grey and miserable not good for PMA!

xxx

emsbet

RebekahR wrote: »

Yea thats true. It's soo mixed. Sometimes I get little signals that make me think at least he is now remotely interested. Where as before he wasn't at all. Then he says things like that. I guess denial is bliss to him. At bed time I said I will test when I want so I know then and not tell you and you will know when my period doesn't come. And he said you can't do that and not tell me. LOL Make your mind up man ...

I just think that men think that you DTD a couple of times and job's a good 'un. I don't think they realise that there are only certain times in the month when a woman is fertile etc. I think they, like us, got it so drummed into them from an early age that you should use contraception otherwise you will end up a parent and so when you start TTC and you tell them that there's more involved in it than that it takes a while for them to get their heads around it.

RebekahR wrote: »

Don't think I will ever know for sure. I did say to him he doesn't seem happy so next month we should just go back on contraception and not bother with it. And he said why in a really shocked voice. I said you clearly don't want a baby and he said but I don't not want a baby. I think he doesn't know himself. He is an only child and hasn't really been round or held a baby before. So the whole entire thing is just new, completely unknown territory for him. But yes at times I do wonder. He calls our baby making making a mistake. But he does it in a jokey way which whilst this is offensive to me I know he means it as in he can't call this baby making. He is in denial and doesn't want to admit we are actually doing it. I dunno ... Sigh.

Maybe he does want a baby but that now you are actively trying it has become very real to him and he is a scared about what will happen, if he will be any good at being a dad etc (especially if he is an only child and has never been around babies).

((hugs))

xx

RebekahR

Sobbin' me heart out again. Bloody hell its only ttc month 1 and i'm a hormonal mess already. How the hell do you do this month and and month out?!I'm almost ready to give up from the stress.
Ok so we have just had a chat over msn. Make out of this what you will:
I posted what Zippy said and said this is my biggest fear. His response "I don't resent you in the slightest. Why would I not support you in doing something you really want"
Me: But it has to be something you are happy with too and your clearly not.You even call it an "accident". Thats not very loving and positive.
Him: "That was a joke to be honest. You know me, I don't like change, and it makes it easier to accept change by joking around it"
Me: I guess im just scared when its here im going to be holding this screaming thing and your going to escape and never wanna be near me when im holdang it or even make any attempt to get to know it yourself.
Him: "I really wouldn't worry too much about that - I'm mature enough to be a responsible parent. It's just easy to be distant to other people's kids. The rest of the world manages in much tougher situations. Men are just men, don't take the fact that we aren't as massively into it as you women as a sign we don't care"

euronorris

*delurks*

Rebekah - I think he does want it, but it's also a HUGE change and a big responsibility, and so it is naturally very scary for him.

Also, as he isn't the one with the fluctuating hormones, symptoms and POAS all the time, he doesn't understand it from your point of view.

Maybe it would be better to ask him to show a little more positivity, for your sake, and see what he says.

*re-lurks*

RebekahR

emsbet wrote: »

Maybe he does want a baby but that now you are actively trying it has become very real to him and he is a scared about what will happen, if he will be any good at being a dad etc (especially if he is an only child and has never been around babies).((hugs))xx

Yea i've not been going i've even voiced my opinion of being scared that he won't be good! :eek:When sis had little man and they came here he never touched him once and nearly always went out the room.

Yea he will be more positive if I ask. Meanwhile he says I must be up the duff as i'm so hormonal! I never cry this much ...

emsbet

RebekahR wrote: »

Sobbin' me heart out again. Bloody hell its only ttc month 1 and i'm a hormonal mess already. How the hell do you do this month and and month out?!I'm almost ready to give up from the stress.
Ok so we have just had a chat over msn. Make out of this what you will:
I posted what Zippy said and said this is my biggest fear. His response "I don't resent you in the slightest. Why would I not support you in doing something you really want"
Me: But it has to be something you are happy with too and your clearly not.You even call it an "accident". Thats not very loving and positive.
Him: "That was a joke to be honest. You know me, I don't like change, and it makes it easier to accept change by joking around it"
Me: I guess im just scared when its here im going to be holding this screaming thing and your going to escape and never wanna be near me when im holdang it or even make any attempt to get to know it yourself.
Him: "I really wouldn't worry too much about that - I'm mature enough to be a responsible parent. It's just easy to be distant to other people's kids. The rest of the world manages in much tougher situations. Men are just men, don't take the fact that we aren't as massively into it as you women as a sign we don't care"

TTCing is stressful and while you don't stop worrying or stressing about it I've found that I've just come to accept that it's part and parcel of the process. That actually helps me feel a little less stressed - if that makes sense?! - as I accept that it's inevitable and it's not just been being a crazy lady!

He sounds like a guy TBH. He may not be as excited and as eager as you are rightnow but I think it sounds like he does want it but is as I said earlier a bit scared and overwhelmed by it all.

xx

emsbet

RebekahR wrote: »

When sis had little man and they came here he never touched him once and nearly always went out the room.

I think it's a lot easier when it's your own child than someone elses. When it's your you can take time to get to know the child and get used to holding it etc, when it's someone else's you don't have that and you also have the added pressure of the parent's watching you! Some people are not comfortable with that especially if they are not used to being around babies. Also some people are just not that interested (or even like) other people's babies!

xx

RebekahR

The only thing that is stopping me from calling it all off as it were. Is that he was exactly the same when we got married!! Maybe nieve (I can't spell) but I'm thinking that once we are used to the idea he will come round to it and enjoy it. Just like the wedding. He didn't want to get married due to all the hastles. And yet once it was all arranged and on the day he was soo happy I nearly cried as he looked so smitten with me on the day and I never expected this. So i'm as he has said he is useless at change and i'm hoping that he will get used it in the end and even be good at it. Any ways i'll shut up now as i'm taking over the thread lol. Thank you all x