I'm losing my dad to his new partner

heretolearn_2

Sharkey, I'm sure it'll get easier with time.

I can understand your feeling hurt about her redecorating and changing the house about, but that's what we all do if we move into a house with someone who's previously lived there as a couple. It's about making it 'our house' rather than 'their house', and it's normal enough behaviour, just hard for you to see. Of course, if she is going all out and not letting any photos of your mum etc be around, then she is not behaving well, but she sounds too sensible to do something like that.

Best wishes with it all,

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Is it possible that your Dad finds it hard to be with you two because when he looks at you, he sees your mother's face?

tiff

After thinking about it I suppose its no different to a mother feeling like she's lost her daughter when the daughter gets married. I know my Mum felt a bit like that when I got married. She didnt lose me, but my life changed and she had to adjust to that which is what you will have to do. Your Dad is out of order in some ways but I'm sure if you wrote a nice letter explaining how you feel that he might understand why you are hurt.

belfastgirl23

sharkeybabe wrote: »

Thanks Heretolearn, I know that your post wasnt necessarily a dig at me and I am sorry that I took it that way. What I should have said in my 1st post was that even though I might not agree with things that my dad is doing, I love him immensley and would not let anyone ruin our relationship. I do accept that he needs to move on and although I do not 100% agree that he is doing the right thing, I have to put up and shut up for the sake of our relationship if that makes any sense. I do like his new partner but as I said before do not think she is the right person for him, but I suppose that in my eyes, no one will ever be as good as my mum.

Maybe it is time, that I stop focusing on my own feelings and focus on my dads.

It is really good that you're trying to take a step back and think about WHY you're feeling what you're feeling rather than just experiencing it. It's not that feelings are ever wrong but more so that they're easier to deal with if you can see what's at the root of them (in your case grief) rather than focusing on how they manifest (often as anger).

It's not that you have to stop focusing on your own feelings but just to see that your dad is as entitled to his feelings as you are to yours. And just accept that this is a point in time and a phase in both your lives. The great thing is that you haven't done anything irrevocable, you haven't broken anything despite feeling provoked. And you should be pleased with yourself for that. It will all sort itself out in the end if you're prepared to be patient and accept that your feelings of discomfort and anger aren't really about your dad but about missing your mum. However sad that is.

It might not always feel like it but you're doing well here. Be proud of yourself.