Week 2 - There's so much we can do.

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

Forgot to say, if you want to check what you would be entitled to if you went on to benefits go to this site www.entitledto.co.uk

EE

RubySewSew

Link to SOA here:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2770720

I'm having a look at the Mr Big challenges - I like the idea that an hour less of TV a day gives you 2 extra months of work!

RubySewSew

Today I have drafted what I think is a dignified and restrained letter to my ex-OH explaining why I must decline his offer to reduce maintenance payments. I have asked a couple of legal friends to look it over before I send it. One of the things I outlined was the additional costs I have had to pay out for the kids this month - no wonder I'm broke!! School trips, school dinners, circus club and school swimming lessons have cost me £150 this month! Not to mention I still need to buy winter coats, pay for a specialist eye test for my dyslexic DS1 and replace a pair of shoes. And they keep bloody growing!

I'm feeling a little calmer now that job is done. I've spent most of the day reading through all the advice and wisdom from all you MSE'ers. Lots of food for thought and loads of helpful stuff. I was surprised by how much criticism there was to. I guess I set myself up for it and I do want people to be honest, otherwise I'm not sure how I'm going to get out of this mess. Maybe I'm feeling a little sensitive. I felt like I had to reply to every comment - 'yeah but'!! The biggest problem is that I need to do something about my debt repayments and budgeting for annual costs. I also need to try and increase my incomings as well. So a two-prong attack. Day 1 - reduce outgoing. Day 2 - increase incoming. I'm hoping to do that this week whilst I'm off.

I also had a lovely chat to my Mum which is in itself quite unusual! She mostly does my head in! I was talking to her about the whole situation and about how desperately I wanted to go on holiday with the boys. She said we should have an at home holiday - actually pack our bags, clean the house, convenience shop and then walk back in the door ready to be on holiday. I'm going to ask the boys what their ideal holiday would be. We had a fantastic holiday in the Isle of Wight last year - lots of day trips and half day trips combined with dvd's, board games, sports, picnics, chips on the beach and icecream every day! Although actually I had a very MSE conversation with DS1 - I asked him if each icecream cost £2.50 (which they did!!) how much would we spend on icecream in a week. Once he worked out it was 70 quid he wasn't so keen on ice cream!! Cream teas though, that's a different matter!

So any ideas for an at home holiday in or around Brighton let me know!!

Mags30

Hi Ruby, I too consider occasional trips to the hairdresser an essential. Looking well is important to me and haircuts are part of that. Like you I look for the cheapest places and use classes with trainees sometimes.

I think you need to find something to increase the income, could you do mystery shopping/survey/daily clicks? It won't make you rich but you could get a few free coffees and a few Amazon vouchers from it.

moo2moo

Staycations are fab. We did that last year and had a blast! Made it considerably cheapre by btch cooking and freezing stuff so that I just needed to chuck some pasta or noodles in a pan and bung a box in the microwave. My kids enjoyed making their own pizza and spending a day cooking anything and everything almost as much as they enjoyed going out.

Cinemas are great on wet days. Both Vue and Odeon have kids clubs where the early morning shows on weekends and during school hols are anything from 95p a person to £2.50 per child (but free for adults). Its only for specific film titles but coupled with a 99p bag of supermarket popcorn it makes for a cheap morning out.

Do you get free holiday swimming or have an account with British Gas who give three free family swims

What is there in Brighton that you've never done but always fancied?

http://www.visitbrighton.com/site/your-brighton/budget/fun-for-free

http://www.kidsdaysout.co.uk/things_to_do_brighton.htm
Love the sound of the ghost walks!

Tesco Deal Tokens can be used for the Sea Life Centre

RubySewSew

Ah thanks Moo2Moo. It's funny living in a holiday destination - its hard to think what to do!!

I've had a getting ready for winter garden tidy up today. I'm knackered now! I should remember what sick leave actually means! I was hoping to bake some biscuits as we have friends coming over after school. I also need to go and get DS1 some shoes as he announced this morning (in this weather) that he has a hole in the bottom. Eek. Not sure where I'm going to find the pennies.

Off to check bank balance, finalise letter and finish getting dressed!

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

Sometimes it does come across as though everyone is being negative but I am sure they are only trying to help.

Your income is ok although when you said it was massive I was thinking £5k per month!!!

I said this before but I do think changing your bank account is the first thing to do to prevent you getting charges.

Could you go onto the CCCS website and do their online self help plan and see what the outcome is - this is for research purposes only and you don't need to commit to anything but at least it would give you an idea of what solutions are out there.

You do need to do something about your debts asap otherwise Xmas will also be on the credit cards which will not help the situation.

EE

RubySewSew

Thanks Eager Elephant,

I know, I'm not really taking it personally just a little bit over sensitive this week. I really appreciate the time and effort and energy people have put in and I do want to hear other people's perspective. I've looked at it so many times and economised and re-economised that I've run out of ideas so fresh input is valued! I'm frustrated that I can't effect any of the really big outgoings like the house for example. I do have an expensive mortgage and I don't have a big or extravagant house. The rate is high but I took on the mortgage as the bottom was falling out of the self certified market. I went through a trusted broker who did get me the best deal. I knew that I would be unlikely to remortgage or get another mortgage by myself again. At the time I took it on my debt payments were manageable (I preferred to pay them off rather than absorbing them into the mortgage) and my income was greater. In the last couple of years things have really changed. I've lost a lot of my work through illness and through the recession. Maintenance has gone down, tax credits have gone down, debt payments have gone up. I've had really bad luck with cars and ovens this year. The boys seem to get more and more expensive - to feed, to clothe, to entertain. It makes me feel helpless and a bit disempowered. I used to work in a building society and not only do I generally have a good money head (yes I have shopped around for all my utilities and financial products!) but I have seen the impact of unmanaged debt on people and hoped to avoid it. My situation is an accumulative effect of living hand to mouth for so long - things have just got more and more disorganised.

When I was ill last year, I had 5 months off and I didn't qualify for any government support. That was the point I made the decision to sell the house. Can you imagine my frustration when I realised I would have to pay a £10k penalty to release my only asset?

I will follow up on all your suggestions Eager Elephant. The only thing I'm reluctant to do is change bank account. I currently have 3 current accounts - Nationwide, Santander (A&L) & Halifax. I've had them all as my main bank account at one time or another. I opened the Halifax one a year ago and went through their account transfer process. They mucked up royally by transferring my credits but not my debits so I ended up with hundreds of pounds worth of charges on my Nationwide account. So far, neither party will take responsibility and refund the charges. My Halifax account was set up to avoid getting charges. My credits go in and my direct debits go out and nothing else. I never use my card on this account. This was a really good system until I got an unexpected tax bill. Now I know that no tax bill should ever be unexpected but I save 20% as I go along. Paid my tax bill last year which was only £200ish then this year having not worked for 5 months and hence not saved and spent all my savings to keep me afloat whilst off sick I then got a £700 bill for the same level of earnings. So I had to put it on my overdraft. My foolproof system failed

Because I've been burnt so recently with changing bank accounts I'm reluctant to do it again. It was those charges that actually started the snowball that got me into this current mess. Until then I didn't have any overdraft borrowing.

I will look at the CCCS website and I will also write to Santander and ask them to freeze charges and interest. Can I go for a debt management plan? Can I arrange it for myself or do I need to get an agency involved? I actually think it would help support my position with the maintenance as well to show that I am going through debt management proceedings. I honestly think the ex-OH thinks I lead a lavish and frivolous lifestyle with my 3 jobs! Having the involvement of an external agency will show that I'm not.

Something very lovely did happen today. My little brother, who is by no means well off (he works in a factory) sent me a message today to say that he could spare me £200 a month if I needed. I was so touched. I was also saddened that another man has more sense of responsibility towards my kids than their own father. I turned him down but realise that if it came to it I could get him to cover the £40 a month for the kids to go to circus club. I feel so sad that they have to miss out on so much. All 3 of my boys have got some kind of special educational need (DS1- dyslexia, DS2 - dyspraxia, DS3 - pre-dyslexic) and all would benefit from extra-curricular activities. It has occurred to me that DS1 will definitely need extra tuition - he just isn't getting enough support at school. I would be interested in getting the training to work as a tutor to both support him and tutor other kids. Anybody know anything about this? I'm diploma qualified to teach adults and I'm currently working as a Teaching Assistant hoping to do the Graduate Trainee Programme.

Ok, time to check the chickens then off to snuggle up with the boyfriend infront of the TV whilst Jamie Oliver's baked beans simmer on the stove. Hearty and warm. And I don't have to get up in the morning!

missymoo81

hey ruby hun

just found your diary, so am starting from the beginning, am looking forward to reading, keep smiling my lovely xxx

RubySewSew

Hey Missy Moo! Lovely to have you here x