Week 2 - There's so much we can do.

RubySewSew

I love you EE! It is the beginning of the end and through my fear and nerves I am trying to see the positive. I have been through one legal battle before - that was an employment tribunal and they settled at the door. I had no choice to hold my ground and it allowed me closure. I think this is the same. I think he has a lot to hide and if nothing else I will expose the truth of the matter and an independent body will decide. I don't trust the system entirely, I think women (unless married to fantastically rich men) come off worse. Either way my hand is forced and this is not a happy or fulfilling life. I am harbouring fantasies of running off to farm in America where the boys can run wild and land is something that you farm rather than serve. One day!

Eager_Elephant

RubySewSew wrote: »

I am harbouring fantasies of running off to farm in America where the boys can run wild and land is something that you farm rather than serve. One day!

Hi Ruby

Why not make this your dream - of course you want to go now but some time in the future it will be possible.

Hope things are ok in Ruby world!!

EE

RubySewSew

This idea of living abroad and having a sustainable fulfilling life is becoming an increasing factor in my conversations, dreams and thoughts. So, yes, I think you are right, unexpectedly this is my dream. The idea of living abroad, moving away, uprooting everything I know is very, very scary. But that makes it really thrilling. The biggest and most tricky obstacle to surmount is that I would never want to move the boys away from their Dad or move away from my boys. That scares me but in a few years they will be in a position to consider and influence those decisions. To carry on in this country will always be a fight. So here it is, my perfect day:

I will wake at whatever time my body wakes in a comfortable bed, in a light, airy spacious room. I will rise slowly and easily and happily - the sun is warm and bright and the air is clean and fresh. I'll put the kettle on and brew a pot of earl grey or fresh coffee before walking barefoot on warm earth examining the start of the day. I will casually tug at weeds, greet chickens and animals, rub the warm fur of a passing cat and inhale the scent of sun warmed plants whilst sipping at my mug. When I meander back, the rest of the house is starting to rise. Clean little boys are tumbling out of bed, sleepy and muzzy. We pootle around the kitchen talking about the day. Fresh berries and melon are served alongside juice and strong coffee and thick american pancakes. We will share the space, enjoying each others company and respecting each others space and thoughts. Individually, we will shower and dress and wait for what the day brings. The boys will have individual plans, based on a mixture of working the land, attending workshops that reflect their interests and home education delivered by the community around us. As the day moves on people enter and move around and the space is shared and filled with chat, laughter, community, peace, support, kindness, work... Women and babies and toddlers will be at work amongst the animals and vegetable gardens. People will come and they go, to buy produce, to work. I will have some clients to see, they will be well known to me and my role is to provide support and nurture. They will probably be pregnant but they may be at another stage in their life. They will come for massage, food, talk, reassurance, education. They will leave reassured, fulfilled, peaceful and calm. Food will be a healthy priority. Fresh, slow food, grown on the land. Crisp, fresh white wines, perhaps swapped with neighbours will be sipped at as the day turns to dusk, turns to twilight. They will be enjoyed robustly with good friends, family, laughter, food, candlelight, fire, music, pleasure, sharing and joy. People and children will drift happily and sleepily to bed to enjoy their own private retreats - a good book, fresh linen, the warmth of a lover. We will sleepy soundly and dream peacefully secure, in the knowledge that we are all in this together and the land that we have nurtured will continue to provide tomorrow.

I guess that kind of speaks for itself.

RubySewSew

Off to Paris via London tomorrow. The bf has booked and paid for it all. And I have had to borrow spending money from him against some pending invoices - I don't feel comfortable about any of it and trying to get myself organised to go away is well stressy! I haven't packed yet (half of my clothes are only just out of the washing machine). BF has helped loads around the house to try and get me organised. I need to print off, order and pack up ALL divorce paperwork to get it in the post tomorrow. Need to have a good old clean up and make sure animals are sorted and straight. I am absolutely sure I will have a lovely time once I'm there but right now I AM STRESSED OUT!!!

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

Hope you managed to pack and get everything sorted before your short beak. I agree that sometimes the packing and getting ready is the most stressful - I can cope with endless washing when I get back but not the initial getting ready!!

Hope you have a fab time!!

EE

Eager_Elephant

Oops forgot to comment on your perfect day - it sounds so lovely I could imagine everything about it. I do not think that your perfect day would be too difficult to achieve.

I have never really written about my perfect day but I am sure it would sound similar to yours especially with the animals, fruit and veg!!

EE

RubySewSew

Ok back from holiday and its time to put your seatbelt on and get ready for a rocky ride. Solicitors letters have started changing hands, and everything is about to change. Whatever happens from here on in is the transition needed to get rid of the old and welcome in the new.

RubySewSew

Deep breath... I have a letter from my solicitor asking for £500 on account. I have a letter from the exes solicitor cutting maintenance payments by £240 with immediate effect. I do not know what on earth to do.

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

Just popped over after seeing that you had posted on MG's thread yesterday.

I had not seen the posts above - not sure how I missed them. Hope things are getting sorted. Can you borrow the £500 from family and then pay it back once the settlement has been sorted?

Any chance of you being able to claim extra benefits such as Council Tax Benefit?

Have you posted a SOA before?

Also are all your debts on a DMP or only some of them - if only some of them are then get them all on a DMP and make sure the payments are only £1 per month and nothing more - this is all you can afford.

(((Ruby)))

EE

RubySewSew

Thanks Eager - your support is so appreciated. I am feeling much more positive today and have taken some action to start resolving things. I've been keeping an eye on the Matrix to glean information, ideas, support and motivation. MG talking about dealing with one area of your life at a time struck a chord so at the moment I'm concentrating on admin and paperwork. I asked my Mum for a loan for the solicitor's fees and she said that she would deal with it - she already has an account with them for my sister who is in the middle of an adoption. I do not want my Mum to carry this burden (particularly as a court order could cost up to £20k!). There is a possibility of applying for costs from a charitable fund and so I am waiting to find out about that to. I feel much calmer about it because this has to be done. My ex has shown his cards - he wants money out of my house and he has reduced child maintenance with immediate effect. He has made an offer which puts me in the stronger position - I know his starting point. My children deserve better and I am going to fight for it. I deserve better and I am going to fight for it. I gave up my career and my livelihood to support his business and raise our children and no matter what child maintenance he considers reasonable he has a duty to pay spousal maintenance to which he has conveniently forgotten to mention.

I have written to him, his solicitor and mine to advise that until my solicitor returns from holiday I will not be bullied into taking any action.

The holiday with my Mum was lovely. The best day out was on the beach (£8 for car park and a picnic) and a country park (£8 for car park and a picnic!). Other day were more costly by my Mum spoilt us quite a bit. I get the feeling that she was trying to provide my children with the stuff we missed out on as kids. She also pressed £100 into my hand when I left to cover me for the rest of the holidays. I am so touched and so grateful. And so relieved to have cash in my purse to see me through the next couple of weeks. We got our hair cut yesterday and so are looking and feeling a bit more human!

I spread the last 6 months of paperwork out on the bed yesterday and started sifting the financial paperwork off of the top. I have phoned CCCS to discuss dmp with them as I was ready to set one up before the divorce stuff reared its head. I am sticking to token payments of a £1 for now and I have sent new budget and review letter to all creditors. I have filed all the debt paperwork and updated my signature to reflect current levels of debt. I am seeking a deferrment for my student loan but have to speak to them tomorrow as my tax code is wrong and so they want proof that I don't have any other source of income - not sure how to prove a negative! On the plus side it should mean that I am entitled to a tax rebate. I'm aiming to submit tax return this week and check through all tax paperwork in order to seek out potential rebates. I am also going to right to the banking ombudsman with regard to charges applied to my current accounts. Santander, formerly Alliance & Leicester are still continuing to add charges to my account now totalling £613.38 because I went £7 something overdrawn for 5 days. I would anticipate £1500-2000 of my debt liability could be attributed to bank charges. I have requested a refund on several occasions but have been declined so time to take it to the next step now.

I do have an SOA which I have done through CCCS. It's a PDF though so I'm not sure how to post it to here. I have posted one previously which you very kindly looked at.

So I am going to have a think about how I can increase my income streams and revenue. The very big difficulty I have is because I am dependent on tax credits any increase will ultimately be swallowed up by a reduction in benefits . My earnings and tax credits combined are about £1600 net - anybody know what my gross annual earnings would need to be in order to draw even with that?

Ok, couple more bank letters then a glass of wine.