Week 2 - There's so much we can do.

RubySewSew

Wibble wobble wibble wobble ruby on a plate...

My mood is a bit like the weather, short bursts of sunshine with intermittent downpours. Stayed up cutting and sewing last night with a friend to make some bunting for the boys room which looks lovely and didn't cost a penny. Have hauled everything out of the shed today to rescue some cheap as chips old, old ikea pine shelves to spiv up and sort out for the boys room. I have taken them out, brushed them down and washed them off. I can now put them straight into the boys room and just be done with it, or stain them with some pots of duck egg blue I bought by mistake last year. If it was a straightforward sunny day I would probably go for the latter but it keeps flipping well raining! Ho hum.

Gonna pop up to the village in a sec and by in a few bits for lunch and dinner. Feeling fed up for no particularly determinate reason if I'm honest. Think I just feel like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders. Daft really, I know so many people who have it worse. Just feel a bit like my life is on hold what with not-yet-ex husbands and solicitors and debt collection agencies and creditors letters and school and children and housework and a million other things that all need to be dealt with. I think I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get on with it a bit! Will check in later and see how I'm getting on.

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

I just want to reassure you we all have up and down days.

I think being a childminder is a good idea, I have a childminder and she charges £4.50 per hour (she only does after school as she works in a school) but she does well out of it. She charges £1.50 to collect my daughter from school and also £2.00 per meal.
The only problem would be if people do not pay you and then you have no funds to pay bills etc.

If you have a lot going on could you write a list and break it down in to manageable chunks instead of trying to do too much in one go?

Our weather is very intermittent but I am defying it by putting my washing out!!!

EE

RubySewSew

I had to take my washing line down to make room for my birthday present - a lovely hammock! I am a very lucky girl. Although I am now a lucky girl who can't hang up any washing!

Work is utterly utterly draining me physically and emotionally. I have fantastic support working in a great team but I look after a SEN child who has been misplaced in a mainstream setting and simply do not have the resources to meet his needs. He is in crisis at the moment and every day is a struggle. Childminding seems a very appealing alternative! I had thought about doing the whole after school/school holidays thing because I am at home with my boys anyway and they tend to be happier in company.

This is going to be really short because I am beyond tired. Feeling very emotional and vulnerable on top. However:
just had a stiff walk up a big hill so feeling virtuous
beautiful friend crept into my house and cleaned for me today
the bf is in the kitchen making spag bol
I have a cold crisp glass of white on the go
I am getting a beautiful new tattoo this weekend
Our puppy who we had to rehome is coming to stay for a couple of days next week

So even when things feel bad there is always plenty of silver lining to wrap yourself up in. And good friends, supportive, humorous work colleagues and a wonderful sweet caring boyfriend are all worth being wrapped up with.

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

I of course think that a hammock is more important than having clean clothes - I mean will people care if you are walking around with dirty clothes when you have a lovely hammock for them to use!!!:rotfl:

I'm sorry work is so draining for you, is it the education board who have placed him in he school or is it the parents who want him in a mainstream school so as not to lable him if he went to a special school - I have seen my fair share of parents who think this.

I think that now is the perfect opportunity to decide what you want to do, there is only 4 or 5 weeks left of term so you could hand your notice in, have the lovely summer holidays to get yourself sorted with childcare and then be ready to start childminding from September.
Hmm just thought, maybe don't hand your notice in until August as then you will still get paid in the holidays (unless of course your pay works different.

I have found this booklet http://www.ncma.org.uk/PDF/becomechildminder_eng_v2.pdf which makes interesting reading - Page 4 is the most interesting as it lists the steps to take to be a fully registerd childminder.

The actual website for NCMA is very good with lots of info as well.

I think you need to see what is already available and see where the gap in the market is.
The one which I think is quite profitable is when children only go for half a day as they are not quite old enough to start full time. My daughter did a whole term of mornings only which was a nightmare but I had a childminder who could collect at 12 and then I would collect at 6 although my friend used her and used to collect at 2 so it's swings and roundabouts.

Also there will be a need for care of babies under 1 as most people are restricted to 1 child under 1 year so where do all the other babies go?
Also there are restrictions for other ages - roughly it is 2 under
under 4 years, 3 or 4 under 8 and as many over 8 as you want. (although your children are counted for these purposes) - of course this does depend on the size of the house.
So if you were at full capacity you would have a nice income.

Hope you enjoyed your bolognese and wine

EE

RubySewSew

I am so pulled in so many directions!! There are so many lovely education jobs available in my city at the moment. So many schools advertising for Learning Mentors which is perfect for me - a case load of children with a variety of behavioural and learning needs and a focus on nurture and support. Plus a climb up the pay scale. Colleagues at school have suggested I apply for a number of positions and keep my options open. I would like to do a similar job in the school I'm at because its very local, very supportive and my kids are there. Childminding sounds interesting and challenging and flexible but for some reason its not pulling me at the moment - maybe because of security, maybe because its nice to be part of a team for a while rather than working in an isolated little bubble. The one question I can't get answered is whether you need to be registered to childmind children over 8. I have got some info from the NCMA - I'll go through it and look at the links you sent as well Eager.

The SEN child I care for at school has been placed in the wrong school by the authority. He has a statement which deems him suitable for mainstream. We've now contacted all the 'experts' and asked them to actually come and observe the child in mainstream and then tell us that's what they think. I think the parents had understandably hoped for him to be in mainstream and are struggling to come to terms with the idea that it might not be the best environment for their child. That said I think they have a complete misunderstanding and misrepresentation of what a SEN school is and does. I'm trying to gently increase their understanding. Its tragic that the system is set up to make everybody feel like they have failed before an appropriate placement is considered

I was warned by my neighbour that we have a big bad fox on the prowl at the moment. Am very worried for my little chicks because their little enclosure isn't purpose built or very secure.

Ho hum ho hum. Am sat looking at the chaos and detritus of the day and wondering what it is all about! I work all day, come home knackered, don't see my kids because i'm napping on the sofa, spend my evening cleaning up and then trying to cram in as many hours sleep as I can and I'm wondering where do I fit into all of this? Having a massive impact on the bf as well who says he never really knows which version of me he's going to get. I have boxes full of half started projects - sewing and sticking that I can't muster enthusiasm for, friends I never see, children who I don't get to share quality time with, a business I don't have time to run, I don't have enough money for basics like shoes for my feet (I mean this in the essential sense not the fashion sense!) and my garden and animals, the loves of my life, are only ever a guilty afterthought at the end of the day. Where is the quality of life? I wonder this because I have often been poor but I have never been so time poor and energy poor. I sound like a right old moaning minnie...

I'm thinking of selling my car at the moment so I'm going to make a separate post to see what other people think!

RubySewSew

PS Life ain't all bad. Just helped myself to a second slice of lemon victoria sponge

moo2moo

Ummmm have you considered the obvious? Namely that you're trying to do too much and you're failing because of this.

Take a deep breath and start over.

Forget the housework. That will always be there. Sit down with your children and explain to them that mummy has been a bit of a banana recently and is trying to do too much and to please everybody and needs a little bit of help starting with a family action plan. Yes it sounds cheesy but it works.

Regardless of the state of the house mummy is going to have one evening a week free from everything apart from quality time with the children. No homework, no telly, no snoozing on the sofa. Instead you can go to the park or for a bike ride or play a board game or cards or just read a story together. It sounds like you need it more than they do!

Mummy can then have one evening of mummy time where mummy does the things that makes mummy smile (even if this involves the BF) whilst the children appease themselves on the proviso that unless it involves blood mummy is not to be interupted.

After that Mummy can have an evening to housework, homework and do whatever else needs doing. Go to bed 15 minutes earlier. You'll feel more human for it. Pick a cut off time and at that point stop whatever you're doing. Theres no point ending one day tired to start the next tired. Its simply not worth it!

Things will get better. Your income won't change over night, your life can. But you need to stop seeing the negative in everything and focus on the things you have achieved.

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

I have to agree with moo2moo.

I would also like to say that what is your diet like? I wonder if in all the rush you are not eating properly and this will affect energy levels. Also maybe you could ask the doctor to test your iron levels as anaemia seems to creep up on you.

(((Ruby)))

EE

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby, I'm back!!!

I have been worrying about you all day and trying to find a solution to your problems. I think I have a great solution but it might appear quite radical. :eek:

I have just read back through some of your earlier posts in this diary and the SOA that you did in Oct 2010 and think it might be a good idea to do another one on here so we can see how the situation has changed as of course you have no self-employment income now plus you are making token payments to your creditors.

In your old SOA you put that your mortgage was £935 (I think) per month which is a huge amount for someone on a low income to find - it appears to me that you are working just to pay the mortgage hence the stress of the situation as there is no fun time any more.

My radical idea is that you should sell the house, quit your job and do something you actually want to do. If you rent a property you can claim Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit as you will have a low income. Maintenance is not counted in the assessment so even if you get £640 still (not sure if he cut it in the end) then this is not counted.

That way you get to do a job you love, you get to spend time with the kids and you can stop worrying about money :T

I of course am willing to hold your hand all the way as I expect everyone else who reads this thread will as well.

My other idea to help along the way is to plan your Perfect Day - not sure if you still read Memorygirl's thread but there was a little exercise about what would make your prefect day. Some people were there already, some were nearly there and some were quite far way but it gave you an idea of what would make your life better and more fulfilled.
I would like to hazard a guess that your perfect day would not involve spending time in a job you do not like, having no time with the children etc so why not do the exercise and start actually living your perfect day.

I know it will take some time but it will help you plan for the future and give you something to look forward to.

I for one do not want us in October to look back and see that nothing has changed for you and you are still unhappy, tired and worrying all the time.

((((Ruby)))

EE

RubySewSew

Thank you thank you thank you xxxx

I LOVE your idea!! It is something that I have seriously considered and haven't ruled out. At the moment I am tied in to a 5 year fixed rate (3 years in come August) and the redemption penalty is £10k I kind of set myself a goal that if I'm still in this position come the end of the 5 year period that I will sell up, pay up and do it. One massive consideration is that Brighton is the least cost effective place in the country to rent, one of the few places where mortgages are cheaper than rents. And I have now trashed my credit rating so would struggle to ever get back on the property ladder. Although it does occur to me that we are very culturally fixated on ownership in this country. It's not the same in Europe. And I don't even know if I want to live in this country forever.

In answer to your question my diet is terrible and causing me quite a lot of distress. We had chips last night and pizza tonight. I am trying to make sure that I'm getting my 5 a day in to try and protect my system from the other rubbish going in to it. I am so tired and short of time. I don't actually mind the cooking but am struggling with the meal planning and shopping.

I like the idea of a family action plan. I need the boys to help me out more without losing any part of their childhood. DS1 is fighting me really hard at the moment. The ex is nagging and pestering for new school shirts for the boys. He stands there in prada whilst we all have holes in our shoes demanding new shirts because they look tatty. I know he's trying to prove a point but I'm so tired of it. I need to find a solicitor but that means I have to chose between getting the car fixed next month or paying for a solicitor. Sorry I'm whingeing again.

I've been increasing my physical activity in order to try and exorcise some of the negativity. Molly has been visiting this week which has been lovely and awful in equal measure. A bit like when she lived with us really! On the one hand walking her and curling up on the sofa with her has been great for finding a positive headspace but on the other hand she ran out into a main road last night and refused to come back on the lead. Have never been so scared in my whole life!

Am going to have a little think about my perfect day and get a new SOA up. Funnily enough I don't think it will involve anybody spitting at me swearing at me or running away from me! I already have a strong sense of it - when I was at school I used to love it when we were doing activity weeks and I have such a strong memory of sitting in the art room, pottering around, radio on and sun streaming through the window. Or maybe mooching around a vegetable patch in Oregon, kids at play in the sunshine, chickens clucking around and heavily pregnant women stopping by for tea and cake. Maybe that is why I'm so grumpy! All this miserable wet weather!!!

Sewing tomorrow. No boys, no dogs just girls and fun xx