Week 2 - There's so much we can do.

RubySewSew

I knew you would be the right person to ask Eager! Should I give an explanation as to why I am not sending the requested information?

Got home from school run and couldn't resist the sunshine so decided to tackle the front garden. I started it last summer, putting weed mat and stones down but ran out of money so only half covered the lawn. Consequently the grass has overgrown and there are weeds everywhere including poking up through the mat. I dug up all the herbs and put them in a central bed. Rolled up the mat, pulled out all the sneaky weeds, doubled up matting, laid it back down, redistributed stones (thought about an impulse spending spree to garden centre for more stones and bark chip to get the job done but managed to resist!) and got up most if not all of the weeds. Made a start cutting the Christmas tree (which I'm ashamed to say is still in the front garden) into small pieces which makes perfect compost for blueberries. It will take a while but will do it a little bit at a time.

Tomorrow's dinner is in the oven yesterday's leftovers are warmed up and in my tummy and DS2 has just surfaced for some toast so will go and apply some TLC. Bit uncertain about tomorrow as he is still too unwell for school and his Dad has booked clients in despite knowing that I needed childcare. It's such an impossible situation. I have to be a single parent and a working mum with no support for either. And the two jobs don't sit well together *sigh*

Eager_Elephant

I think a small explanation would suffice - mention that balances can be confirmed on your credit report and also you can't afford to photocopy everything as it would cost too much like wise with the bank statements.

Well done for sorting the front garden.

I can appreciate that being a working single mum is very hard although I have never been one myself (although at the moment it feels like I am!!), I remember when it was always me who called in if the children were ill and then DH and I discussed it and we now take it in turns.

Once when he worked for the Prison Service and he had to leave early to collect DD, they said 'can't your wife do it?' to which my husband replied that DD was his daughter too and anyway I had done it the last time so it was his turn - they didn't quite know what to say - they weren't used to the new age man!!!!

Not sure what to suggest as it's not like you can just take him to his Dad's is it? Is there anyway he can rearrange his day to see clients later as you finish at 3 don't you?

(((Ruby)))

EE

RubySewSew

The frustrating thing is that I know he would take the time off if it was his daughter. And I was also in the school office the other day when they were phoning him to come and collect his step daughter. Can you imagine my frustration? He seems to have the attitude that he pays me maintenance so it's my job. It's so frustrating but what can I do? Like you say, I can't leave the kids with him. Work have been lovely and very understanding. I've said all day that DS2 would be too poorly for school tomorrow and he agreed he could go in to work with him until I tried to pin him down. He works for himself, he could work from home or be flexible with his hours but he chooses not to.

I have to say that I felt like a single parent even when we were together. It's just that I had more leverage then!

RubySewSew

DS2 still poorly and I woke up this morning with my eyes stuck together. Have achieved very little today other than a very long daytime nap. Kitchen is a mess. Living room is covered in paperwork and now packaging from DS3's birthday post. However, dinner is in the oven.

DS3 is now upstairs crying because he's on a TV ban. DS1 is loitering around ready to combust with excitement because he is going on a residential trip tomorrow. And DS2 is still curled up on the sofa.

We rescued and then lost a lizard in the garden. We rescued it from the cat, helped it to warm up and then the blinking, flipping cat got it again and ran off with it. I shouted at her until she dropped it but no idea if the poor little thing survived.

Oh bum! I've just burnt the rice!

RubySewSew

I'm obsessed with food! Joined Weightwatchers yesterday (just in the nick of time - a 5 year old boy asked me today if I was having a baby!) and am constantly poring over food values and activity values and alcohol values! It makes a change from obsessing about money!

I sat down last night and did some mind mapping to try and resolve the issues I'm having about which career direction to take. It comes down to risk and time (self employed) vs loss of freedom (employed in school). I have such a diverse skill base and I'm reluctant to let go of any of it!

Haven't progressed anything else forward I'm afraid to say *blush*. Did get back to work today though. DS2 still not very well - he looked dreadful but his teacher said he was ok. DS1 got off on his trip without me killing him. Everything else can find it's own place and time. Right now I'm going to tuck into a big bowl of beef and noodles. Yum!

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

Glad you managed to get back for the last day of the week.

Hopefully you will find a balance between obsessing and not caring about both your weight and debt.

Don't you just love the comments kids come out with?

Where has DS1 gone on his trip and how long have you got some peace?

I really should be doing some housework but I can't be bothered so I am on here for a few hours!!

EE

RubySewSew

Ahhh! Haven't got any internet! Sky cut me off so I called up to pay bill. They said it would be back in 2-4 hours that was 2 days ago! Am using bf's wireless so will be really quick.

DS1 went on an adventure holiday thing with school - canoeing and rock climbing and night hikes and the like. He loved it! DS2 has got poorlier and poorlier and poorlier and I so got him to the dr's on Friday. He has a lower respiratory tract infection and was given a one hour review in which he had to show improvement or off to hospital. Thankfully he has now started to get better. I want him at home until he is fully recovered but his Dad has deemed him fit for school. Going against him would cause a massive argument not to mention more time off work so I'm just going to play it very safe and have a very low threshold for bringing him home. Poor little chicken needs some rest and some fattening up.

Otherwise have had quite a relaxed weekend. Got on top of the kitchen and the living room. Found a half price Sanctuary reed diffuser set with candles for a tenner plus a free gift plus a half price voucher for sunglasses at boots so have killed 3 birds with one stone! Got a nice and posh new pair of sunnies for £30. I don't have any after breaking mine last year and this was a need as I'm photophobic and really struggle with bright light so have got a proper, comfortable and rather lovely pair to see me through the summer.

Ok. going to treat myself to a glass of wine and Fringe on catch up. Will fill you in properly when broadband is back x

Eager_Elephant

Oh Ruby!!

Is your internet still playing up or have you been out in the lovely sunshine?

Hope things are ok for you and the family.

EE

RubySewSew

Oh, eek! Have hit rock bottom again. Because internet was down I dropped the ball with my £1 payments adn didn't get them done in time for March. Wrote cheques and apology letters and then made payments for April (actually thinking about it - not all of them, need to do another 2 as didn't have all the details). I wrote to Halifax to explain situation and offer them £1 a month - until now Halifax has still been my main bank account. They acted very swiftly by cancelling my overdraft which coincided with my child benefit and maintenance payments going in. So I now can't access them. I am going to phone Halifax tomorrow and plead because not only has that money been paid directly to them but I have 5 cheques each for £1 due to come out of that account. So things are pretty dire. A month in which I have no flexibility or safety net I have managed to effectively lose £700. Have been looking at budget and racking my brains as to how I can reduce costs or increase incoming urgently but currently to no avail. And to add to my frustrations it is school holidays and I have no money for my week with the boys or my one week of the year alone. I was really looking forward to things being a little bit easier this month but it's not to be.

Things to be thankful for:
I'm getting a rebate of £150 from gas company
I'm on holiday for the next 2 weeks and the sun is shining.
I have enough food to keep us going for a while.
BT have set up the new internet connection!
DS2 is finally better having been very. very poorly.
The bf is cooking me a lovely jambalaya for dinner and I have cherry beer
I have you guys back.

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last couple of weeks. It's amazing how much time you have on your hands when you have no internet! I have been struggling with the work vs self employment dilemma. Whilst I really enjoy the work I am doing there are some significant down sides - the money is terrible, it robs me of energy for my own house and family, I have much less freedom, I'm neglecting my own business. Sooooo... after a lot of thought, I have decided that after the summer term when my contract expires I will look into childminding which I think will be more lucrative, more family friendly and less impactive on my other interests. I would like to find some time and space to finish all of the furniture projects I have on the go. To get some creative juices flowing. To innovate and move forward my antenatal teaching and maybe some writing. All of these things need time and attention. I can't survive on the meagre wage I'm earning at the moment. It just doesn't work.

So, am in it deep at the moment but am hoping that the next couple of weeks will allow me to make an impact on that and improve my situation and get me back to a level playing field. Everything crossed

Eager_Elephant

(((Ruby)))

I'm sorry to see things have not improved - what bank are your wages going in to??

If you ring Halifax ring their complaints line as the usual Customer Service number will be of no use. The child benefit you should be able to get back as it is a benefit and under the Social Security Administration Act (search this site for the actual wording) they are not allowed to take it.
The child maintenance is quite different but if you speak to complaints and explain that you are vulnerable and in hardship they will hopefully allow you to take the money out.

I think child minding sounds like a good idea but remember you will be restricted for the amount of children under 8 as they take in to account your own children. Are you thinking about doing all day child care or just after school and what about non-term time?

My childminder charges £4.00 per hour, £2.00 to provide a meal and £1.50 to collect from school. Some nights she has 3 children and some she has about 6. She has a limit on the number of under 8's but there are no restrictions on over 8's so you could cram them in (like my old childminder did which is why I finished the contract!!) So when she collects from school she must be in profit for the petrol she uses as she has to drive there.

How do you think your children will feel if you have other children to look after?

Good luck with your decisions.

EE