Week 2 - There's so much we can do.

chevalier

RubySewSew wrote: »

Blimey it has all been going on. So much has happened I don't know where to start. Let's start with today; DS1's birthday. 10 years old today! My little boy is growing up! He got lovely presents, he had a friend over and we made homemade pizzas, dough balls and birthday cakes (mocha cupcakes - his choice). They're now tucked up in bed watching Lost Boys. I'm quite jealous!
Sounds like a great day.
I didn't have a great start to the day. House is a mess, kids and dog were driving me mental and bank account is empty. I wanted to take them swimming and to get a haircut but just didn't have the money.

Sorry to hear that things are so touch financially.

Their dad then had a text message hissy fit telling me that my financial problems were making him stressed and ill so could I stop mentioning it. There isn't really an answer to that is there?

Nope other than to wonder aloud as to whether you should get your maintenance money reassesed:D:eek:LOL
Anyway, after all that stress a friend popped over (someone elses ex - they broke up, I fell out with her, stayed in touch with him, long story) just to give me £20 because he'd seen on facebook that I couldn't take the boys swimming.

:T:T:TAw sounds lovely of him That is such a nice gesture.

So, next up. The dog. After a long and painful few weeks I have decided to rehome her. She is a beautiful little dog but she needs so much time, training and exercise. This would have been just about do-able but I have been offered full time hours at school (good news) but it means we need to find a new family to do the best by her (bad news). Feel heartbroken about it not to mention ashamed, naive and wicked. I have a friend of a friend coming to see her tomorrow - he works from home so will be with her all day. I've been asking the universe to take care of it for me.

That is very very sad for all of you. I have to say when you said the breed my heart did sink a bit, as they need lots and lots and lots and lots of exercise, being working dogs. They can be very destructive if they don't have lots of stimulation and attention. So though it is hard to do, this IS the right decision for her. She would need so much time in the coming months....puppy school too...

Which brings me to work. I've put so much energy into umming and ahhing about work/life/home balance whether its better to be time rich and cash poor or vice verse blah blah blah. Finally, I woke up to myself and realised that I can't afford not to work full time and that I'm lucky enough to have a job I really like with lovely work colleagues and a supportive boss. By working full time I have evenings, weekends and school holidays free and then i can choose to do self employed work on top as and when.


And lets face is ANY fulltime job that you even vaguely like at the moment is a bonus in this financial climate. And you also mentioned not having time to do things like reading and that with the DS's so won't this help?

My life is hard work, it just is, I'm a single parent in financial difficulty with 3 boisterous, complex, needy children who has to work full time as well as run a house.

Are you getting all the support you need from the LEA and social services ref your children? You mentioned that one of them is very dislexic can you get assistance with that in any way?

The other big decision has been to open a basic account, cancel my Direct Debits and write token offer letters. I'm about halfway through this process. In the end it wasn't a decision or a choice. I don't have enough money to pay the bills this week so I need to get a handle on i.

So did you do the debt remedy online with CCCS? Oh yes Doh you mentioned that earlier. Ok so I can understand the £1 token letters, that is the first step in the process, but are you going to do a DMP with CCCS? It will take A LOT of the worry off you rather than trying to run a DMP yourself. Also when you do the income and outgoings sheet, make sure you only include guaranteed income. That way if you do do some teaching, or mystery shopping or whatever extra, then this can be use to build up an emergency fund. Very important as you are not meant to take out any further credit when you are on a DMP.

So that's a lot of news and explains why I haven't been around on the diary much. Too bloody busy! So, after a hectic day I'm going to have a mocha cupcake, say goodnight to the puppy for the last time and get a good nights sleep. Off to the doctor first thing in the morning to find out about hormone treatment for the boys' bedwetting.

Would be interested in what you found out about a hormone treatment as my DS2 has this issue, and it has got to the stage where pyjama pants don't contain the wee any more:eek::eek::eek:

Wow what a lot to catch up on. Good luck with getting yourself straight. And thank you for giving me a kick up the bum today and start doing 15 minutes worth of housework again. It is amazing how much you can get done in such a short time if you focus on it!

chev

Cheery_Daff

((((ruby))))))) sounds like lots of changes going on in your life right now. Good on you for making the difficult decision about the dog - it really does sound like you have enough on your plate without that too! Fingers crossed you find a nice new home. And good luck with CCCs too xx

RubySewSew

Ah, thank you guys, I shouldn't have left it so long to write. I've been doing a lot of reflecting because I feel so guilty and ashamed and stupid, both about the money and the dog *sigh*. Silly really. Shouldn't be so hard on myself.

The puppy could be and will be such a lovely dog. Everything else aside I'm not sure that she was the best dog for us because she responds energetically. When she is with me and I am calm, quiet and assertive she is so obedient and responsive. When the kids are running around, screaming, jumping and fighting (all the time!) she tries to beat them at their own game *sigh again*. Oh well. It has been a really expensive lesson financially and emotionally but I know she is going to a good home where she will get everything she needs.

We don't get any help from the LEA with the dyslexia or the dyspraxia (a discount on shoes would be a help with the latter - dyspraxic children go through their shoes so quickly!) although the school have thrown everything they've got at it. I've also spoken to the school about working with DS1 and DS2 about their relationship issues. I'm hoping that with a bit more time on my hands I can use my job at school to research and improve my knowledge of supporting children (and adults) with dyslexia and possibly use this professionally and privately. I think this job is the right move. DS1 has been so much happier since I've been working at his school. It also really helps me to support their learning at home as I'm learning strategies and have much more frequent communication with their teachers and support workers.

I need to crack on with the bank stuff and get the letters out. ironically, I'm held up because I haven't got any printer ink and can't afford to replace it! Damn printers! CCCS didn't give me the option to manage it for me - I don't know if this is because I own my house or not. This made a difference at the CAB who couldn't do anything for me because I owned my house.

I haven't decided yet whether or how to respond to the ex. I guess when I mention it I am being defensive because I know he expects 'his maintenance' to pay for their clothes, school trips, activities, haircuts, shoes, coats etc etc and sees it a failure on my part to use 'his money' correctly. He is also always on at me to get a job at Tesco or similar as he thinks my work is frivolous and I'm not trying hard enough to manage.

One good thing I hope to come out of this is that I won't be able to get into any more debt. I urgently need to get an emergency fund together as I'm expecting to have to make further payments on the car and boiler at the bare minimum in the next couple of months. I'm hoping that a consistent, timely payment will help me to finally get a handle on my finances, to plan and to prepare and to finally, finally get my head above water.

Ooh, and Chevalier, I saw the dr today about DS2 and DS3. I had to demonstrate that I had tried all other recommended interventions (no drinks at bedtime, bed alarms, waking for the toilet, star charts etc). We had tried all but the bed alarms which was a road I didn't want to go down as I have bad memories of this from childhood. Because of significant family history (me, my brother and the ex were all adolescent bed wetters) we have been referred to the paediatrician for drug therapy. You can only take it for a short time and it doesn't cure the bedwetting but it should cease whilst they are on the treatment. They will look at DS2 first as DS3 is still a little young. Will also need to check for kidney problems as I have kidney problems.

RubySewSew

Isn't it funny that sometimes plan B is the better plan? The guy who was coming to see the dog phoned to say he'd changed his mind and wasn't ready. So I called another friend of a friend who had expressed an interest. She has loads of experience with dogs and puppies so knows what she is letting herself in for and she has had a collie before as well. She came over straight away with 2 of her kids (8, 15 and 22). They took one look at her and fell in love immediately. They stayed to play for a while and asked when they could take her. We agreed there and then as we'd already said our goodbyes so we packed her up and she got in the car as happy as anything. I got a text an hour or two later to say she was settling in and playing with one of the girls, the thing that she didn't really get here as the boys just weren't that engaged. We're going to see her for a couple of weeks for a walk. Give her a chance to settle in and make sure she's ok.

So I have mopped the floor and brought the cat food back downstairs. They have reappeared in the kitchen again for the first time in two months and some sense of normality has returned. I might even tackle that cupboard under the stairs!

I miss her already but am so pleased that she has gone to such an experienced and loving home.

Cheery_Daff

Goodness Ruby that was quick! But good that you'd already made the decision, and that your friend could come and take the dog :T

Mags30

Hey Ruby don't feel bad about the dog. You took great care of her, spent loads of money on her, fed her, etc. Then when you realised it wasn't suitable to keep her you found her another home where she'll be loved. There's nothing to feel bad about, think of the neglected animals looked after by animal charities, your dog certainly isn't in that category. I'm sure you'll get another dog in the future when life is calmer.

Eager_Elephant

Hi Ruby

I am glad you have made a decision to offer token payments to your creditors. :j:T:j (can you tell I am happy?)

I am happy to pay for some ink or if you want to email the letters to me I am happy to print and post for you.

I am also happy for you to contact me by telephone if you have any worries. I will PM you my number.

The reason you cannot have a DMP with CCCS is because you do not have enough to offer your creditors each month, token payments are one thing but a DMP with CCCS has to be a minimum of £100 (or might now be £50 per month).

The reason CAB would not help is probably because the debt advisers are funded by certain pots of money and unless you meet the criteria they will only be able to advise and not act on your behalf.

I have mentioned before the long term implications of token payments, the one good thing about them is that you will be offered more full and final offers so if you do some extra self employed work that money can be used to pay off debts in full.

Charges may be added for a month or two but once the arrangements are in place it will be fine, some have to pass the debt on but as long as you carry on paying there is not much they can do.

I also think you have made the right decision with regard to the puppy, DH wants a puppy and we came very close to getting one when my brothers staffie had puppies but he eventually saw my logic in that we do not have the time to dedicate to a puppy - one day when we buy our farm we can have as many dogs as we want!!!

Hope you get DS2 and DS3 sorted with the bed wetting, my DH suffered with this as a teenager, he had alarms and luckily he outgrew it. He also says that hypnosis can work.

Well done on working full time, it will be tough but not as tough as working weekends and evenings and having to find child care for the children.

EE

RubySewSew

I've done it! And I feel strangely liberated! I used my creativity and resourcefulness and printed the letters off in blue ink. I have written to all but 1 creditor, Halifax, as I still have my bank account with them. I have applied to co-op and once I have taken in my id I can get my new basic account up and running, transfer all my payments and credits and write the final letter.

Eager Elephant, thank you so much for your support and your kindness. It was the nudge I needed to find a solution.

I'm not sure what happens next? I plan to review the situation in 3 months when I should have had a couple of paychecks, know what is coming in, what is going out and have put some savings aside for expected costs. I feel like some of the panic has lifted.

DS2 seems to have gone to bed happier knowing that his bedwetting is a medical issue rather than shortfall on his part. My brother and ex outgrew the bedwetting - it is caused by a hormone deficiency that corrects in adolescence apparently. It's not something that has ever bothered me for this reason but it upsets him and he refuses to wear pyjama pants. Financially this is a good thing but washing his duvet at least once a week is not! We have great washable bed pads which have been a lifesaver but doesn't stop the wee going up!

We are so sad to see our puppy go but so pleased to know that she is loved, adored and looked after already. The new family were also willing to pay £100 for her so that I can wipe off the outstanding payment I have on her. As for the rest of the money I spent, well that was an expensive lesson learnt.

Well, I've done it now. On both counts. I have declared myself publicly as not coping and it is a massive relief to have done that. Am going to spend half an hour sorting out my self employed course which are causing me a nightmare at the moment! Wish me luck. Although as I'm putting out fires all over the place maybe this will be another problem solved.

RubySewSew

Meant to say, thank you for the hypnosis tip - will look into that.

Eager_Elephant

Well done Ruby!!!! :j:T

Hopefully you will feel more relaxed now that it another weight off your mind.

I think it is a good idea to review in 3 months although most creditors will accept in 6 month slots. At least if you have a budget to hand it will be easier to send them out a revised financial statement.

Make sure you do not leave yourself too short, there are set figures from the Common Financial Statement that they are not allowed to query. Give me a shout if you need any help with this. Also even if you do not spend up to this figure hopefully you will be able to get some savings behind you and/or offer full and finals.

EE