seperating???

Dave101t

i was harsh, sorry. im not up to 22 years marriage yet but i believe seriously in the commitment thats made, otherwise there was no point making it.

do things change 'down the line'? was it doomed from the start?
and where does that leave newly weds who dream of eternal happiness?

nickyhutch

Dave101t wrote: »

after 22 years, are you really going to be able to 'start again', you will lose your family and replace it with...not much.
doesnt this time count as part of the 'for poorer, for worse' part of your vows.
communication is key but if you didnt bother to maintain it through your marriage it may be difficult to start now.

For God's sake she's only 40 - of course she can start again! She WON'T lose her family just because she and her husband separate.

Why can't some people accept that marriages DO break down, and that not every marriage can be worked on?

nickyhutch

Dave101t wrote: »

i was harsh, sorry. im not up to 22 years marriage yet but i believe seriously in the commitment thats made, otherwise there was no point making it.

do things change 'down the line'? was it doomed from the start?
and where does that leave newly weds who dream of eternal happiness?

Yes, things DO change down the line - that's the nature of people and of relationships. Some make it through unscathed, some don't. Everyone making that committment believes it at the time, but things, circumstances and people change.

January20

Dave101t wrote: »

i was harsh, sorry. im not up to 22 years marriage yet but i believe seriously in the commitment thats made, otherwise there was no point making it.

do things change 'down the line'? was it doomed from the start?
and where does that leave newly weds who dream of eternal happiness?

Yes, things do change sometimes. I was one of those newly weds who thought it would last forever. Otherwise I wouldn't have got married. Things (life) happen. People grow and change in different ways and sometimes in different directions. Apart from the hurt, the overwhelming feeling I was left with for a long time after my divorce was a sense of failure. It doesn't mean I didn't make the right decision for me and my child.

Now, I have chosen the single life, but even if I met somebody wonderful, I doubt I would marry again because I can't help feeling the second time wouldn't be the same, as I know now for sure it could fail again, but also because it just wouldn't feel right, there wouldn't be the same innocence and the same hope as the first time round. Pessimist, I know.

clumsymoo

I got married at 18 (not something I recommend to my Daughter) and he is the only man I have ever been with. I have grown up within this relationship and I don't think he likes the more indipendent me.
Excuse my terrible spelling. My sis will be commenting on it soon. I can't find a spell check on here!

clumsymoo

I totaly agree with everything you have said. I don't want another relationship, Just to be out of this one . Just me and the kids.

janb5

Hi Clumsy moo- just to say to look at EMA payments for your teenage who I think was 17. Also look at www.entitledto.com as it is a closed site and you can find i out what you can claim for. Also ring the Council tax dept and claim single person use. HTH

clumsymoo

I have a pesky squirrell that loves to wake me up every morning trying to chew through the cable on my roof.
It is a great game and he will eventualy win.
I am out of ideas.
Hand clapping, throwing little pepples (my aim is not good) the hose jet won't reach him.
??????

lell_2

Hi Clumsy moo

Can't remember if all this has already been said or not but -

1) If you don't already have one, open a separate bank account in your own name

2) Contact child benefit people and change the bank account details that the child benefit gets paid into

3) same for child tax credits if you already get that

4) Have a look at "entitled to" and enter what your new details will be into the calculator to give you an idea of what your new income will be.

5) Check with council re 25% discount on council tax

6) Whose name are the bills in? If he moves out and you remain in the house you will be responsible for the bills. Can you check that they are all up to date just now? Get an idea as to how much they are if you can. If you have the energy you could also plan if you want to swap suppliers when you need to change the names on the account!

7) You should receive child maintenance also, I'm not sure on the childs age this is paid up to... but for 2 children is 20% of his net income, with deductions if they spend more than 52 nights a year with him.

You need to see a family law solicitor for advice about division of marital assests and divorce/separation agreement. I went for a separation agreement which details the financial element of my separation, that the house was to be sold, what money from the house I was to get etc. We managed to negotiate division of actual things ourselves. You will be entitled to at least half of the value of the marital assets, this includes his pension if he has one, equally if you have a pension he would be entitled to half of yours too.

When you go to the solicitor you might want to draw up a list of major assets, house, car, investments balances in bank accounts, savings accounts, pensions, etc and another list of debts, and whose name they are in. I vaguely remember my solicitor saying something about a credit card in his name is his responsibility but a loan might have to come out of the financial settlement - but I could be wrong about this. Something worth asking about though.

I hope you are ok, it is good to have family support. Let us know how you are getting on.

Take care,

Lell x

denton6

Dave101t wrote: »

i was harsh, sorry. im not up to 22 years marriage yet but i believe seriously in the commitment thats made, otherwise there was no point making it.

do things change 'down the line'? was it doomed from the start?
and where does that leave newly weds who dream of eternal happiness?

hi yes things can change i have been with my now ex for 24 years married 16 , we have four boys 22,18, 9 and 7. he has had affair and is now with 21 year old. never ever did i think this would happen to us, just shows we dont no what is round the corner for us in life . how things turned out this bad i will never no.