seperating???

clumsymoo

Thanks for your wisdom and advice.

I am taking a deep breath and gathering as much information as I can for now.
My H had suggested he leave after monumental bad behaviour and I don't think he was expecting my reply of agreement!
He is now pretending nothing has happened and is still here but the writing is on the wall and has been for a long time.
I don't want to have to ask him to leave though especialy not until I know where I stand and how the hell I'll cope financialy.
I know it sounds calculating but I have to think ahead to protect my children the best I can.

POPPYOSCAR

No it is not calculating just sensible.You must do what is best for you.Hope you get it sorted out one way or another.

graemecarter

clumsymoo wrote: »

Thanks Lilith. I tried to get him to go to relate 14yrs ago when pregnant with my youngest. He refused. That shows you how long I have struggled with this decision.

Just because he refused 14 years ago doesn't mean he will refuse now.
Just reason with him that it is only one single hour of his time needed initially. Surely one hour to save a marriage of 22 years is worth it. If he doesn't want to go back, at least you have tried

Good luck

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But not everybody gives the matter that much thought and consideration and it would be just as wrong to assume that they have done so. People can and do throw away long marriages on a whim.

I imagine those people are a small minority. The lengthy, expensive and thorough process of divorce means that even if it starts out as a 'whim', by the time you're done its pretty well thought through!

janb5

Clumsymoo - I can understand your fears because I have been there myself. It`s rather like joining a club where no one wants to be a member!

I would definitely pass on the following.

Get your own bank account now. It is very scary when the bills suddenly dont get paid and you have no control over them.

Utilize all the free advice you can- CAB, Gingerbread etc.

If you belong to a Union you can get free advice by booking a telephone consultation.

Alert children`s schools as to what is happening. I felt really embarrassed about this but the schools can be really helpful.

As other people have said choose your solicitor carefully. If you dont feel comfortable with them avoid them. Trust your gut instinct.

Happy to answer questions by pm if you want.

pelirocco

clumsymoo wrote: »

Thanks for that stunner Dave.
As my Sister says, you are making HUGE assumptions. Firstly I didn't mention starting again which makes it sound like I'm just a bored housewife who's looking for a new toy to play with.
I will not lose my family as they are incredibly supportive and very patient. Has it occured to you that they are unhappy too?
You asume that I haven't maintained communication but has it occured to you that it might be the otherway round?
What I will gain is my Sanity.

To be fair to Dave you hadnt given any details , and what he said was what i was thinking as well , we can only comment on what you tell us , I dont mean to sound harsh but its very important to spell things on on a forum , people will make assumptions . There is no need to attack anyone

pelirocco

January20 wrote: »

I totally agree and I also find that on these threads people often jump to the conclusion that the person(s) wanting to separate have not thought it through properly, have not worked hard at their marriage or are suffering from some kind of depression. I find it so patronising! I though about leaving my ex for at least 3-4 years before I went ahead with it and I knew by then there was no hope!

My philosophy is that you have one short life, better make the most of it! Being miserable for the sake of remaining married is not an option.

Its no different to jumping to the conclusion that people have thought it through

January20

pelirocco wrote: »

Its no different to jumping to the conclusion that people have thought it through

I tend to believe that most people who come on here are grown-ups and if they are asking advice about separating, they don't need me - who doesn't know them at all! - to aks them whether they know what they're doing and try and convince them to stay in the relationship! how patronising is that!

clumsymoo

pelirocco wrote: »

To be fair to Dave you hadnt given any details , and what he said was what i was thinking as well , we can only comment on what you tell us , I dont mean to sound harsh but its very important to spell things on on a forum , people will make assumptions . There is no need to attack anyone

To be fair to me...I was asking for financial and legal advice
hopefuly from people who may have been in the same situation.
I would hardly call my reply an attack.
If anyone needs more information from my situation all they have to do is ask instead of presume.
I get the distinct feeling my harshes critics on here are going to be Male!

Big thanks to the majority of peeps who have given me some sound advice and reasurance. I feel slightly less alone.

POPPYOSCAR

pelirocco wrote: »

Its no different to jumping to the conclusion that people have thought it through

I beg to differ.

The OP did not come on here asking 'Should I stay in my marriage, what do you think'? she asked for practical advice on what to do next.


Some people do not agree with divorce and try to push their attitude on others which is not helpful to someone in this situation.