seperating???

clumsymoo

I am 40, married for 22 yrs with 2 kids. Both unhappy and thinking of moving on. I am terrified. My husband has always paid the morgage and bills and I don't know where to start. I also don't know how amicable he will be. I only work part time but would like to stay on in house for the kids sake as much as anything but I haven't got a clue where to find out where I will stand or how I am going to manage my finances. What do I do next?
Lost

Lilith1980

You can get 30 minutes free with a local solicitor if you are worried about the financial position you would be in. Just phone a few in your area and see whether they do 30 minutes free of charge.

Have you talked to your husband about this? You say you're both unhappy - are you both thinking of moving on? Have you considered going to Relate to see whether anything can be sorted out? Relate also give support to couples who are separating/divorcing.

HTH x

gratefulforhelp_2

See a solicitor (a family law specialist). Don't move out. Whose name are the bills in? Don't assume that promises he makes about it being amicable will be kept - hopefully they will. Relate is a good idea. Sorry to hear it.

[Deleted User]

*Bump*
Can anyone advise the OP what "practical" things she should do before she sees a solicitor, so that she can make the most of the "free" first half hour? I have no experience in separation/divorce but I know there are lots of lovely MSE'ers who have and can help guide the OP through the first scary steps.

I know the OP and suggested she come on here to get help and advice but it's pretty daunting making your first post, so ask away if you need more info, she'll be back online soon.

Thanks in advance for all your help.

[Deleted User]

Also, have advised the OP to look at bills for the past few months and work out the outgoings on bills, mortgage etc., and look up what benefits she may be entitled to if they seperate. Anything else she should do?

Dave101t

after 22 years, are you really going to be able to 'start again', you will lose your family and replace it with...not much.
doesnt this time count as part of the 'for poorer, for worse' part of your vows.
communication is key but if you didnt bother to maintain it through your marriage it may be difficult to start now.

[Deleted User]

Dave101t wrote: »

after 22 years, are you really going to be able to 'start again', you will lose your family and replace it with...not much.
doesnt this time count as part of the 'for poorer, for worse' part of your vows.
communication is key but if you didnt bother to maintain it through your marriage it may be difficult to start now.

What on earth makes you think the OP will lose her family? The only person she will potentially "lose" is her OH, which trust me would be a blessing for all concerned. You're making a lot of assumptions here that don't actually help the OP.

POPPYOSCAR

How old are your children? That will have a bearing on you staying in the house and for how long.

BlondeHeadOn

I just wanted to say welcome to clumsymoo, and suggest that maybe she makes appointments for the free half hour with more than one of the local family law solicitors. I know from past experience that some solicitors are much more helpful than others (!), and it would be useful for her to have more than one view on things. They do vary an awful lot on how helpful they are, in my experience.

Also she could use it as an opportunity to check out local solicitors to identify one that she might feel safe using if it should ever come to that.

I'd also treat it as a trial run of talking about separating from her husband, and becoming more confident in just saying the words. This might also come in useful at a later stage...

All best wishes to you clumsymoo, and keep coming back here for more help - or just to let off steam if you need to!

POPPYOSCAR

goochie wrote: »

What on earth makes you think the OP will lose her family? The only person she will potentially "lose" is her OH, which trust me would be a blessing for all concerned. You're making a lot of assumptions here that don't actually help the OP.

Do you know the OP?

(Take no notice I misread post 4)

retireby50

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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Do you know the OP?

Yes, see post 4 above........