Pregnancy, relationship and location

Person_one

Maverick1407 wrote: »

No. 10 years with 2 kids and a dog. Why?

Give your wife my commiserations

Maverick1407

I treat her well.

Our last anniversary i took her to football. " She dosn't like football. It was more for me. "

However less about me. More about this poor chap that looks like he might poor his life down the drain with his long commute if his partner gets her way. This is not right and needs are help and advise

lolly_896

Could you look at properties in Southampton, your commute will halve(ish) and baby sees more of dad. Girlfriend is not too far from friends and family? x

greenbee

stuartwatford wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I cannot transfer my job and my earnings are the main source of income, apart from some temporary work my girlfriend is currently doing. At the moment, i usually commute from Bournemouth to Reading twice a week and stay there every other weekend. I am up at 6.30am and back to bournemouth at 7.15pm from Reading on a weekday.

I completely understand her views on needing to be near her family.

It might be time for us to look at properties near bournemouth ( a place I do like as having spent 4 years there) and I'll have to battle the commute as best I can.

Bournemouth to Reading isn't a bad commute really (there are certainly worse). If you have a secure job, then hang on to it. One day a week working from home will help - but only if you are able to work productively from home so you'll need to have the space to get away from mum and baby during your working hours. That said, it'll obviously mean a potential later start and earlier finish as far as you and they are concerned. Some employers are funny about taking Mondays or Fridays as WFH days, so have a think about whether mid week might suit better - but ultimately, if you're going to move to the Bournemouth area, you may need to ask nicely for Fridays to be travel free due to tourist traffic.

delain

I can't believe some of these posts! For the child, who should always be put first imo it's best that the child and the mother are well supported and rooted in the area not dragged up and down the country on a whim. If my OH said 'Move with me away from all your family so I can leave you on your own all the time with a crying baby and no friends or family or be a single mum' I'd say 'dont let the door hit your a$$ on the way out!' what an attitude.

At the end of the day, Bournemouth is a nice place to grow up, If the OP began to commute on the train he would have time to relax on the way home and not be so tired. I never said he could walk into a job in Bournemouth, just that he could look for one.

I will stand by my viewpoint that making the OP's GF move to follow him will end very very badly

Oh, and from what I've seen of Southampton (got family there) I wouldn't move there from Bournemouth, not if you paid me!

alleycat`

My 2 Cents.

Personally i think the commute will be **** if it is more than an hour each way (in terms of you seeing the child).

I'd say split the difference and try live somewhere that is suitable and half way between the two locations.

I kind of take your partners point about family support and all that but my parents live 90 minutes drive away and my wifes live about 5,000 miles away.

The practicality is that we had to find somewhere near to my work but was still reasonable to see the grandparents.

If we lived nearer to my folks my DS would quite often be in bed before i got home on an evening (and that is assuming there are no accidents, no adverse weather, etc.).

As for working from home.

With a toddler it just doesn't work as they assume you are available as a play pal

O and congratulations.

sueeve

Could you keep the well paid job, commute, but perhaps stay in Reading 1 night a week with friends etc to give some respite?

galvanizersbaby

delain wrote: »

I can't believe some of these posts! For the child, who should always be put first imo it's best that the child and the mother are well supported and rooted in the area not dragged up and down the country on a whim. If my OH said 'Move with me away from all your family so I can leave you on your own all the time with a crying baby and no friends or family or be a single mum' I'd say 'dont let the door hit your a$$ on the way out!' what an attitude.

At the end of the day, Bournemouth is a nice place to grow up, If the OP began to commute on the train he would have time to relax on the way home and not be so tired. If he managed to get a seat! I never said he could walk into a job in Bournemouth, just that he could look for one.

I will stand by my viewpoint that making the OP's GF move to follow him will end very very badly

Oh, and from what I've seen of Southampton (got family there) I wouldn't move there from Bournemouth, not if you paid me!

While I agree with you that the mother and child should be well supported I also think that they need to be financially supported too.

I have only been to Bournemouth a handful of times in the past (hen do's and seaside trips mainly) and I did not get the feel that Bournermouth was particularly dynamic industry wise (I'm in the IT industry so perhaps narrow sighted) - Reading however different story.
I am not dissing Bournemouth - it seems like a lovely place - similar to where I live now with quite a large older population

I do feel that OP is going to do his best for his family and make it as easy as possible for his partner but I do think there has to be some give and take on both sides - after all as OP suggests his current position offers not just a salary but other benefits which may be hard to replace.
I do not think it's a cut and dry case that OP should automatically reconsider his current position to find something closer to Bournemouth if this is going to jeopardise them financially - hopefully the commute will work out and this will not be necessary.

stuartwatford

Hi - Just coming back to an old thread I created last year.

Thank you for all the comments as it did give us some food for thought. We eventually moved to near Winchester so commuting is manageable and family and friends are close enough to visit very frequently. We also now have a fantastic 8 wk old baby boy!

galvanizersbaby

stuartwatford wrote: »

Hi - Just coming back to an old thread I created last year.

Thank you for all the comments as it did give us some food for thought. We eventually moved to near Winchester so commuting is manageable and family and friends are close enough to visit very frequently. We also now have a fantastic 8 wk old baby boy!

Congratulations on the birth of your son OP :T

Glad things worked out well for you