Pregnancy, relationship and location

stuartwatford

Hello,

I am hoping for some advice and whether anyone has been through a similar situation themselves.

My girlfriend has recently found out she is pregnant (expecting early 2011). We have each been living with our parents to save for a deposit for a flat/house.

The issue is we live 100miles apart, ( I live in West London and she lives near Bournemouth. My job is in Reading and we have been looking for properties in the surrounding area of Reading.

However, she has mentioned that she will need her support network of family and friends surrounding her and she doesnt believe she will be happy moving away to this area.

Has anyone been through this situation or could offer any advice?

delain

I don't know about a solution but I'm near to Bournemouth and I'd hate to move to London or Reading!

Can you not transfer your job?

Not trying to be funny (I'm a pregnant lady too, and been there before with DD1) If you take her away from her support and family around the same time as a birth it's asking for PND

Also if you're near her family you'll get more free time as most grandparents love to babysit.

Person_one

I agree with delain, it might be time to start looking for a job in Bournemouth!

Do your family live in London? How easy is it to get from there to Bournemouth so that they can visit and see the baby too?

When the baby's a little bit older and you've settled into parenthood you might both want to move somewhere else in the country but for now, you'll both need all the support you can get.

stuartwatford

Thanks for the replies.

I cannot transfer my job and my earnings are the main source of income, apart from some temporary work my girlfriend is currently doing. At the moment, i usually commute from Bournemouth to Reading twice a week and stay there every other weekend. I am up at 6.30am and back to bournemouth at 7.15pm from Reading on a weekday.

I completely understand her views on needing to be near her family.

It might be time for us to look at properties near bournemouth ( a place I do like as having spent 4 years there) and I'll have to battle the commute as best I can.

delain

stuartwatford wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I cannot transfer my job and my earnings are the main source of income, apart from some temporary work my girlfriend is currently doing. At the moment, i usually commute from Bournemouth to Reading twice a week and stay there every other weekend. I am up at 6.30am and back to bournemouth at 7.15pm from Reading on a weekday.

I completely understand her views on needing to be near her family.

It might be time for us to look at properties near bournemouth ( a place I do like as having spent 4 years there) and I'll have to battle the commute as best I can.

It might be the solution for now, and to look for something closer in the long run.

I don't know where your gf actually lives (obviously Bournemouth isn't small, I'm actually in an outlying town) but it would be better for you to be commuting from Bournemouth itself rather than Pokesdown or somewhere with less regular/slower trains!

There are a lot of 2 bed places in Bournemouth so I shouldn't imagine it'd be hard to find somewhere!

And good on you for considering it, and not just expecting her to follow you :T

EDIT: The trains to/from London from Bournemouth are regular, direct and reliable.

Person_one

stuartwatford wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I cannot transfer my job and my earnings are the main source of income, apart from some temporary work my girlfriend is currently doing. At the moment, i usually commute from Bournemouth to Reading twice a week and stay there every other weekend. I am up at 6.30am and back to bournemouth at 7.15pm from Reading on a weekday.

I completely understand her views on needing to be near her family.

It might be time for us to look at properties near bournemouth ( a place I do like as having spent 4 years there) and I'll have to battle the commute as best I can.

That's a very long day when you've been kept awake all night by a newborn baby, and a very long time for a new mum to be alone with just the baby. In fact I'd question the safety of driving that distance in the first 8 weeks or so! Unless you get the train.

There must be some suitable jobs in Bournemouth or a bit nearer to it?

choccybuttons

Hi

Talk to her. Discuss the options. Do you really want to miss out on so much of yourbabies life commuting? Is there an area a little nearer your work to allow an easier commute - train link etc. Look at all the options.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

That's a very long day when you've been kept awake all night by a newborn baby, and a very long time for a new mum to be alone with just the baby. In fact I'd question the safety of driving that distance in the first 8 weeks or so! Unless you get the train.

There must be some suitable jobs in Bournemouth or a bit nearer to it?

The OP doesn't say he commutes by car; the train from Bournemouth to Reading need only take 1 hr 20 mins, so it's quite a reasonable commute.

PerfectPeaches

Hi Stuartwatford

I can understand your situation completely. I'm now 7 months pregnant and originally from Warwickshire, my partner is originally from Newcastle but took a job in Lincolnshire a few years ago. When I found out I was pregnant I moved to Lincolnshire. Gave up my job (found another in Lincs) but after making such a commute for so long I knew it had to be done and after all I wanted to be with my partner and father of my baby!

It was a hard decision as neither of us have family close by. My parents are 2 hours away and his are 3 hours away! It was a really struggle when we first found out as we have no family network but we do have friends, which you gradually make in time, they make all the difference. We are both quite fortunate as we see our family reguarly, I go back home at least twice a month and hopefully this won't change when the baby comes along.

Its best to try and look at the positives and work on those. Its hard and sometimes I feel like I'm so alone but my partner is incredibly supportive and thats the biggest help.

I know I havent given much advice but your not the only person to go through this!

Peaches

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

The OP doesn't say he commutes by car; the train from Bournemouth to Reading need only take 1 hr 20 mins, so it's quite a reasonable commute.

That's why I said 'unless you get the train'

Its still a very long day and I'm betting that once the baby comes he won't want to be away from home that much.

His partner will also appreciate him being around more of the time to help out, being on your own all day with a new baby is no picnic.

Having said that, if Reading and Bournemouth are only 1hr20mins apart by train, is there not a halfway point that's a nice place to live so 40 minutes commute for the OP and 40 minutes for the inlaws to come and visit?

stuartwatford

I do drive and when I have travelled from Bournemouth to Reading in the mornings, it can take anywhere between 1hr 30mins - 2hrs dependent on trafifc, it is usually quicker on the way back.

I've looked into the trains and they still take approx 1hr 20-30mins and work/OH home is not next to the train station.

....Its been playing on my mind for a couple of weeks and I am unsure whats the best situation as I'll want to be there as much as possible for the newborn and OH (which would mean living closer to my work due to commute), but at the same time know she needs her support network.

One hope is that the new role I am starting within the organisation, is flexibile so by October/November I should have a good idea of whether i need to be in the office everyday or can potentially work from home a day a week.