Pregnancy, relationship and location

galvanizersbaby

OP - I think your best bet is to look for somewhere within commuting distance for work as others have said.
Your partner is going to need the help and support of family and friends in my personal experience.

You don't mention whether your partner will have access to a car? - if she does then perhaps you could move slightly further from Bournemouth to make the working day a bit shorter.

I don't know what industry you work in but have to say I think that some of the posters suggesting to you it would be easy for you to find another job closer or nearer to Bournemouth are perhaps a little unrealistic.
In these times this could be less than easy and may involve a large pay cut

stuartwatford

My girlfriend does have a car so would be able to travel and would allow me to reduce the amount of travel required for my role.

I don't know what industry you work in but have to say I think that some of the posters suggesting to you it would be easy for you to find another job closer or nearer to Bournemouth are perhaps a little unrealistic.
In these times this could be less than easy and may involve a large pay cut [/QUOTE]

I would not look to change to a different organisation and my current employer offers extremely good job security, potential for development and a lasting career. I have been on their graduate scheme for the last two years and now in a great new role where there is good basic, excellent OTE with a number of benefits.

thorsoak

For Heaven's sake! When will your generation get real and smell the coffee!

We are talking about a commute of approximately 75 miles, which will take approximately 1 hour 35 mins ....you have a good job - yes? You want to be with your parter - yes? She lives in an area that people would kill to live in - yes? SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM???

And it would appear that you have the chance to work from home? To use a crude Americanism - either sh-1-t - or get off the pot!!!

RLH33

Whilst I too think that getting a job nearer to Bournemouth may be the best case scenario I also think it could be completely unrealistic in these current times.

I do understand your gf's wishes to be nearer her family and support network but I do also feel that you both need to compromise. And you need to sort it out quick. A support network is all very well but what is also important is a father being there for his child, being able to put it to bed, come home for the evening and generally be 'there', especially in the early days. If you were able to find a place half way between your work and her family/friends then you can each commute and you have the best of both worlds.

I say to do it quick as well so that she can get settled into your new area before the baby comes along, she can go to ante natal classes locally, nhs or nct, and go to any baby groups on so that she can make friends with people in the same situation who live locally. Maybe it is the sort of person I am but I live only 8 miles from my parents and in laws but when my first child was a baby I actually saw just as much, if not more, of my nct and post natal group friends than my actual family on a weekly basis. So although her existing support network may not be so accessible it is possible to create a new one, I have more friends now that I have children than I have ever had - they are a great 'friend maker'!

cazziebo

RLH33 wrote: »

Whilst I too think that getting a job nearer to Bournemouth may be the best case scenario I also think it could be completely unrealistic in these current times.

I do understand your gf's wishes to be nearer her family and support network but I do also feel that you both need to compromise. And you need to sort it out quick. A support network is all very well but what is also important is a father being there for his child, being able to put it to bed, come home for the evening and generally be 'there', especially in the early days. If you were able to find a place half way between your work and her family/friends then you can each commute and you have the best of both worlds.

I say to do it quick as well so that she can get settled into your new area before the baby comes along, she can go to ante natal classes locally, nhs or nct, and go to any baby groups on so that she can make friends with people in the same situation who live locally. Maybe it is the sort of person I am but I live only 8 miles from my parents and in laws but when my first child was a baby I actually saw just as much, if not more, of my nct and post natal group friends than my actual family on a weekly basis. So although her existing support network may not be so accessible it is possible to create a new one, I have more friends now that I have children than I have ever had - they are a great 'friend maker'!

I agree with this. I moved hundreds of miles when DD1 was 2 weeks old -and this is the easiest time ever to make friends. There was mother and toddlers, the HV introduced me to other mums, lots of exercise classes etc with creches. It would have been outrageously daft for my then DH to pass up what was a fantastic career opportunity. Family visited often (3-4 hour journey) and we got home several times a year.

The OP has a secure job, good prospects and protected employment rights because of length of service. With a baby on the way, this is not the time to be looking for a new position.

stuartwatford

Thorsoak - appreciate your opinion, the reality is over 3hrs drive commute per day and barely seeing my girlfriend and newborn. Yes I would like to live in the area and there is a potential to work from home (one day per week).

The reason for the post was to see if anyone had been in a similar situation.

thorsoak

Yes, Stuart Watford - we were in the same situation over 40 years ago - OH was a 1.5 hour commute (each way) away every day ....and later on - when circumstances dictated, I - as mum - was the same distance away! BUT WE SURVIVED!!! 47 years later, our children remember their childhood with love and joy - and try to give our g/children the same experiences!

Your baby will grow up in a great environment ...use the commuting time as your time to unwind ...- you have the chance to work 4 days away, 1 day at home - EMBRACE IT!!!

Of course it's hard - on both parents - there is no denying it - but look at the alternatives - are they really worth it??

Good luck!

Maverick1407

Tell her too move near your work !!! Not in your sistuation however these are my opions on this matter.

These women take the pi*s you are the person bringing home the bacon. Tell her pack up and move or face up to the fact she will be a single mother with out you !!!

Your career is what will help you give the baby and your partner the best posible future.

All the best.

:beer:

Person_one

Maverick1407 wrote: »

Tell her too move near your work !!! Not in your sistuation however these are my opions on this matter.

These women take the pi*s you are the person bringing home the bacon. Tell her pack up and move or face up to the fact she will be a single mother with out you !!!

Your career is what will help you give the baby and your partner the best posible future.

All the best.

:beer:

Let me guess, you're single?

Maverick1407

No. 10 years with 2 kids and a dog. Why?