Pregnancy, relationship and location

Person_one

stuartwatford wrote: »

I do drive and when I have travelled from Bournemouth to Reading in the mornings, it can take anywhere between 1hr 30mins - 2hrs dependent on trafifc, it is usually quicker on the way back.

I've looked into the trains and they still take approx 1hr 20-30mins and work/OH home is not next to the train station.

....Its been playing on my mind for a couple of weeks and I am unsure whats the best situation as I'll want to be there as much as possible for the newborn and OH (which would mean living closer to my work due to commute), but at the same time know she needs her support network.

One hope is that the new role I am starting within the organisation, is flexibile so by October/November I should have a good idea of whether i need to be in the office everyday or can potentially work from home a day a week.

That could be a great solution, or doing shorter days every day to be home sooner.

It sounds as if you're really committed to doing the best for your partner and the baby, and that's the most important thing when it comes down to it. I'm sure you'll find a way to sort out the practicalities.

Congratulations!

Plans_all_plans

Hi OP, well we've been there and done that!!

My (now) husband was still a student when I fell pregnant and I'd just graduated. Neither of us had any money or even a job between us. I didn't want him to give up his degree so it fell to me to find full time work in my home city, while he got a part time job in his home city.

I wanted the support of my family and he needed to concentrate on his studies so we both made sacrifices for rewards in the long run. My job and family were 300 miles from my husband's uni so once I'd given birth he would visit now and again, but sometimes we'd go 4-6 weeks without seeing each other or him seeing our daughter. It was hard, but after 2 years we'd saved enough money for a deposit and he'd finished his degree and found a job so I moved closer to him.

Then we got married and the rest is history!

I think you could maybe try a similar set up in the short term if you/your g/f wouldn't mind you just coming down for weekends to visit. It can and does work but it neesd understanding from both parties.

In my case, we had no other options but to do as we did. Well, other than to throw oursleves on the mercy of the state (!) or my husband give up his degree, which I felt he may resent me for later on. It really did work well for us and you'd have the benefit of seeing them every week, not just every 4-6 weeks (unless you work weekends like my husband did?). Good luck.

LilacPixie

It is difficult but your GF really does need her support network. The commute by train sounds reasonable depending on the distance from train station to OH home/your office.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I spent longer than that travelling 5 miles in London. Bournemouth is a far better place for kids than Reading. Not to mention the fact that I think Queen of England is about the only job that can only be done by one person, so you should find something in Bournemouth just as easily if you wanted to look.

JoJoB

I agree with JoJo, Bournemouth would be a much nicer place to bring up children and have a family life. The cost of a commute would be offset by the lower cost of living/house prices compared to London. And a commute just in London itself can sometimes take a while due to traffic/tube problems anyway!

My OH travels into London 3 days a week with a train journey of 1 and a half hours. I rather think that his time on the train can be quite nice - he gets to read a book and listen to his ipod, a luxury which he can't have at home because of child demands!

gratefulforhelp_2

stuart good on you. Sounds like some working from home would be an excellent solution to reduce the commuting load. Congratulations, too!

VK-2008

hey

not in your situation but i have a friend who is in similar position, what they are doing is not easy but is an option, the man is working away mon-fri and then comes home and stays with oh and baby fri-mon. its not what they want to do but it gives them chance to save for future and when partner is working they have family and friends near by.

its an option to consider
you could maybe rent and your partner could come and stay with you maybe one week a month or something?

Person_one

VK-2008 wrote: »

hey

not in your situation but i have a friend who is in similar position, what they are doing is not easy but is an option, the man is working away mon-fri and then comes home and stays with oh and baby fri-mon. its not what they want to do but it gives them chance to save for future and when partner is working they have family and friends near by.

its an option to consider
you could maybe rent and your partner could come and stay with you maybe one week a month or something?

To me, that would not be a satisfactory option. I'm sure your friend doesn't enjoy being away from his baby and partner but its really not fair for her to be looking after the baby completely on her own 5 nights a week if they are supposed to be together.

If you help make the baby, you should be sharing the sleep deprivation, the crying and the nappies too! Not to mention the bonding time.

With the distances involved there's absolutely no need for the OP to do this either.

VK-2008

its not about sharing the baby its about providing for the baby. there is nothing my friend does not do. when he is home he is up during the night and v.hands on

its called compromise in the relationship and its something a lot of couples are doing. due to the credit cruch people struggle to find jobs/get homes so they need to come up with an alternative

its not something i would like to go through personally but if it came to it and my husband had to work away to provide for us i would dealwith it knowing it was the best for my child in long run
at end of day its monday, tuesday, wednesday and thursday night. its for nights. do you not think that the guy misses the baby and things too?

Person_one

VK-2008 wrote: »

its not about sharing the baby its about providing for the baby. there is nothing my friend does not do. when he is home he is up during the night and v.hands on

its called compromise in the relationship and its something a lot of couples are doing. due to the credit cruch people struggle to find jobs/get homes so they need to come up with an alternative

its not something i would like to go through personally but if it came to it and my husband had to work away to provide for us i would dealwith it knowing it was the best for my child in long run
at end of day its monday, tuesday, wednesday and thursday night. its for nights. do you not think that the guy misses the baby and things too?

I wasn't criticising your friends, I'm sure if they had a better option they'd take it, but the OP doesn't need to take that option he has better ones available.

I'm sure he does miss the baby, that's part of why its so far from ideal.