Innocent but named as third party in divorce

paddy's_mum

Post number 9 by one hot minute is alerting you to the real danger you face - that mud sticking!

Forget petitions and costs, innuendo and your anger. Concentrate on protecting you, not this chap and his family. They're his problem. You're only possibly involved, and that a long way down the line. Forget it and deal with any accusations she makes if they ever happen.

t_a_2

Hi Paddy's Mum
Thanks, but they already think I'm promiscuous at that workplace (as per my thread) based again on rumours. I know that a lot of girls used to sleep around there, but that's never been my bag at all. So I think that damage is already done, again based on rumours (how good is my life! I wish I got even half as much action as the rumours make out!).
He's asked me not to mention that he's contacted me, and I think he'd be foolish to discuss this sort of thing at work, as it's embarrassing for him.
The people from that place that I'm still friends with (I left in May) are friends for a reason, and won't listen to rumour mongering. Everyone else can stick it, I got so bored of defending false accusations. But now i've got this almighty one on my hands!
I should concentrate on me. I know I'm innocent, and I should be more concerned about why I've got roped into this rather than saving his marriage! You're right!
Thanks again. Everyone's been so helpful! My mother's on holiday this week, so I didn't want to worry her, but it's great what support you can get from here!
xxx

justjohn

t_a wrote: »

Hi Paddy's Mum
Thanks, but they already think I'm promiscuous at that workplace (as per my thread) based again on rumours. I know that a lot of girls used to sleep around there, but that's never been my bag at all. So I think that damage is already done, again based on rumours (how good is my life! I wish I got even half as much action as the rumours make out!).
xxx

PMSL ROFL

I believe you should never defend yourself against something you are innocent of until you have too.

Person_one

First of all, being promiscuous is not actually illegal or even wrong. Whether you are or not is completely irrelevant.

Second of all, if you do anything now you'll just be putting yourself in the middle of a messy situation for no good reason. Its not up to you to save their marriage and frankly I don't think its possible for you to have all that much influence over it. If she doesn't believe him why would she believe you?

If you didn't have an affair then there can't possibly be any proof you had an affair so you won't have to pay costs.

Quick question, if you claim adultery as the reason for divorce, do you have to name the third party for it to go through? If you do, maybe she just doesn't want to wait for two years separation to be rid of him and you're a handy target?

t_a_2

Hi John
I know. I spent two years there defending false claims. Honestly, my love life has been dormant for a year! I could see why rumours start if you're that way inclined outside of work. I think it's because it was insurance (male dominated) and I was a young attratcive (blow my own trumpet) girl there so the runours started.
terri

justjohn

Person_one wrote: »

you have to name the third party for it to go through? If you do, maybe she just doesn't want to wait for two years separation to be rid of him and you're a handy target?

yes you have to give name if contested. Did think you had to give place and time...but other half has just said you don't...

jazzyjustlaw

Just to say its not good practice to name the "third party". It should say "unnamed Woman". It wouldn't go anywhere if the Respondent in this case will not "admit" the adultery.

t_a_2

Hi Person_one
I know I shouldn't get involved. I just thought (naively) that if I spoke to her, it might resolve it.
Without them having my address, I guess it's pretty difficult to find out who I am. that said, I now run my own business, so she'd only have to Google my name to find me.
I just don't want to pay to defend myself if it's all false.
cheers
terri

t_a_2

Hi jazzy
thanks for your message.
I read online that if they actually name the third party, that third party is responsible for the divorce costs, so that's why I'm concerned.
Terri

Person_one

t_a wrote: »

Hi Person_one
I know I shouldn't get involved. I just thought (naively) that if I spoke to her, it might resolve it.
Without them having my address, I guess it's pretty difficult to find out who I am. that said, I now run my own business, so she'd only have to Google my name to find me.
I just don't want to pay to defend myself if it's all false.
cheers
terri

If she's making the allegations, the burden of proof is on her.